The method I did was a variation of Ferber but where you don't extend the amount of time you leave them, you have a set time (we did every two minutes), and then you go in and settle without picking them up. Took only a few nights with each of mine with this method and I felt it was much gentler than Ferber or CIO.
I read a book on the method I chose and the notes below are what I took from the book before I started the sleep training.
Just wanted to add I didn't follow this exactly. I still did one overnight feed for months after the sleep training even though the book said they don't need it if they are over 6kg. I also didn't do the 10 minutes before going in if they woke up overnight, I did 2 minutes for that part too.
- Naps and bedtime should happen in the same place.
- Use phrases at night time (it’s sleep time now etc), use them over and over when soothing.
- Use a blankie/cuddly/soft toy they use for self soothing.
- Early bedtime between 6pm and 7.30pm (means be asleep by 7.30pm at the latest).
- Studies show they will wake up same time each day - what time they went to sleep won't affect that.
- Fun and relaxing bed time routine 20-30 minutes long and have 3-5 steps, should end with a bottle then into bed.
- Without a bedtime routine, babies can get anxious and upset when put in bed as they haven’t prepared for sleep unless they have a routine first.
- Pick a time to handle crying before going into room e.g. 2 or 5 minutes, go in and reassure her and touch her but don't pick her up or your starting again from square one.
- Only be in there for approx. 10 seconds, soothe and stroke her tummy then walk out.
- Usually it is 45 minutes crying the first night, 25 minutes the second night, 15 minutes on third night (could be much longer or much less, every baby is different).
- They will stop crying completely overnight and at nap times before 2 weeks after starting bedtime routine. Some babies take a bit longer but most don’t. Within 2 weeks they will be sleeping through the night if you are consistent.
- When wakes overnight, wait 10 minutes before going in. Then go in and soothe them but do not pick them up. Then set the timer again for the designated time (e.g. 2 or 5 minutes), go in, keep the lights off, speak in hushed tones and reassure her and soothe her.
- Crying will not harm your child, letting them cry will do no damage to them and instead this teaches them a valuable tool on how to put themselves to sleep when they are feeling tired and put themselves back to sleep when they wake up.
Be consistent.
Once you have chosen your method for teaching your child to fall asleep on her own, you need to be consistent 100% of the time. If you give up or start changing the rules every night, you will frustrate and confuse your child, and you will end up making the situation even worse.
Be predictable.
Children thrive on predictability and structure. Ensure that your bedtime routine is done in the exact same order every single night. Of course, your child may try to test and push the rules of bedtime – especially when they hit toddler years – but they are always reassured when they find that the rules stay the same no matter what they do.
Be strong.
The first two nights will be the most difficult, and this is when most parents will give up. You need to be strong during these first 2 nights. And remember that what you are doing is going to immensely improve your baby’s life and the rest of the family.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself giving in and nursing your baby to sleep one night! The advice that I’m giving you in this book is not supposed to make you feel guilty. If you slip up, just try again the following night and move on.