Life at a standstill

C

cindy8375

New member
Tl;Dr: my wife's pregnancy went from 0-100 in a short time span, but both momma and baby are safe and well.

Sunday night: my wife complained of nausea and abdominal pain. We thought it was a stomach bug, it'll get better.

Tuesday night: the pain has only increased, about to a 5/10. Midwives recommend going to Instacare. We fill out paperwork and plan to go in as soon as they open.

Wednesday afternoon: despite feeling little pain, we go to Instacare. They give her a GI cocktail consisting of Midol and numbing medication that takes care of the rest of the pain. Okay, it's just GERD, here's a prescription for Prilosec. It should kick in by Sunday, but come back in 3 days if there's more pain.

Thursday: pain has returned and is making up for lost time. My wife works half a day, meets with midwives, they're not too concerned, it's just GERD, right?

Saturday, 11am: back to Instacare, severe abdominal pain, pain over kidneys, urine is a dark unhealthy color, she hasn't been able to eat or drink much. A family friend that's a pharmacist thinks it's just kidney stones, Instacare can probably help.

Saturday, 12pm: transfer to ER, it's probably gall bladder.

Saturday, 2pm: it's definitely gall bladder and immediate, but the hospital can't support babies under 30 weeks. We're only 25 weeks and change. Ambulance is called to transfer my wife to a hospital with a better NICU just in case labor is induced during surgery.

Saturday, 2:30pm: so now we're transferring to the labor and delivery ward. Makes sense, they can do tests there to make sure baby is okay.

Saturday, 3pm: checked into labor and delivery, NICU doctor stops by while IVs are getting sorted. "So when your baby is born, it'll probably be c-section, we have a good team here, your in good hands." Hang on, I thought it was just gall bladder that needed to be removed, NOT THE BABY?!

Saturday, 4:30pm: tests are inconclusive on gall bladder, so it gets to stay for now. All symptoms point to preeclampsia. OB-GYN says the only real cure is to deliver baby. That wasn't my wife's birth plan. She was going to give birth at a birth suite, not a hospital. She's been seeing midwives, not doctors. Doctors and hospitals terrify her, this is her biggest nightmare!

So now I sit here, in a hospital room with my wife. She has tubes going into her, tubes coming out of her, but thankfully the pain has gone away. This whole week has been absolute misery for her, and my heart has ached the whole time, seeing the woman I love in so much pain with nothing I can do about it. I'm constantly finding new things to put on hold; church responsibilities, family obligations, projects around our home, Halloween preparations, hobbies, and oh yeah, how am I going to do school when I literally have classes from 8am to 7pm twice a week? I know my sweetheart is in the best care in the state, and we are exactly where we need to be. We are surrounded by resources and family who love us and support us, but life is at a standstill right now while I watch the vitals monitors and the doctors watch the lab results. After the rapid descent into nightmare land earlier today, it's just sit-tight-and-wait. I'm terrified and stressed out of my mind with nothing that I can do to help my wife other than comfort her.

I never thought this would happen to us. This is always something that happened to other, more sickly people. I was wrong. As it turns out, you can do everything right, gentle exercise, eat well, drink plenty of fluids, and still end up in the hospital. Please, brethren, if your partner is close, hold her close and tell her you love her. Keep an eye on her. Take care of her. It can all change so fast.

Right now my wife is resting, or at least as well as you can rest in a hospital. The pain is mostly gone, urine is a decent color, vitals are closer to normal than 12 hours ago. I'll take the little wins when I can get them.

Edit: baby was born, healthy and crying at 25 weeks 6 days. Momma is doing well. It has been an absolutely insane couple of days. I did not think any of this could happen. I guess I graduated to r/daddit officially! All of our doctors are optimistic for the future and say that it couldn't have been better. Thank you all for the support!
 
@cindy8375 It’s scary but probably for the best. Birth plans are great when everything is going well, but when nature throws you a curve ball, now there’s a whole team of professionals and equipment there to give your wife and baby the best possible care and their entire focus is keeping them both healthy.

My wife had a really bad bleed as she delivered my son and the doctors had to really work to stop it as well as giving her blood transfusions because her pressure was so low. They said that if it happened at home with a midwife, or without proper medical facilities nearby their odds of surviving wouldn’t have been nearly as good.

All the best!
 
@phphavok This was beyond all our birth plans. We thought worst case scenario, we transfer from birth center to hospital 3 minutes away, she gives birth the natural way with some medications and good surgeons. I never had considered a C-section would be in the picture
 
@cindy8375 Hey, man. I hope I can offer some encouragement?

My wife is 27 weeks, and things like this are all I think about. I’m so worried that, should something like this happen, I won’t be able to meet the challenge. I’ll faint or disassociate or maybe have a mental breakdown in the hospital room.

But you’re there. You’re cogent enough to keep track of the days and times and order of events. You’re seeking out advice and support from people who may have been in a similar situation. I can only imagine how helpless you’re feeling. But you’re doing it! Offering comfort may not feel like much, because for months now you’ve been fetching heat packs and ice packs to soothe back pain, giving foot rubs to help her get through another day, and solving the myriad other problems that arise day to day. But now she has folks in scrubs and lab coats to solve those problems, and you get to focus exclusively on comforting her, which, if I had to guess, is smack in the middle of your wheelhouse.

And thank you for the reminder. I got choked up reading this. Wife and I bickered a little about something silly as she was on her way out to work this morning, and damnit, she’s coming home to the cleanest house there’s ever been.

Hang in there, brother ❤️
 
@steelernation Hey, thank you for the encouragement. It's been a struggle in the day to day to meet those little issues that arise that you so adequately articulated. My wife has entire teams of doctors, nurses, surgeons, and angels watching over her. My job is just to hold her hand and whisper sweet words of encouragement. I can do that, I've been practicing for the whole time we've been married. But now let me offer you some encouragement:

You will get through this. Yes, my experience today is a possibility for you, my brother. Don't let that worry you, and don't worry about your reaction. When my wife was wheeled into the operating room, as she left my view, I entered into full panic, but that was okay. She was is good hands. And the doctors also made sure I was okay through the procedure, constantly checking in on me and giving me updates. They were initially concerned as I was already rattled, and they didn't want to cause additional anguish since she'd be under a general anesthetic and would need to be intubated. You. Will. Be. Fine.
 
@katrina2017 It's terrifying. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Your comment though has had me pushing everything aside to focus on her. I know the bill will come due eventually, but she's more important than that
 
@cindy8375 I know it's not exact, but my wife went into the hospital at 36 weeks with gallbladder and liver function trouble. I know it's scary but your in the best place possible. I'm glad there's seemingly a plan in place. We had to go but the seat of our pants. Constantly going back and forth between natural birth and a c sections. We had a doula and I know it may be too late for some support like that, but please lean on any support and resources the hospital can offer. Especially anyway that you can get outside and try to get some time for yourself, even if it's just getting some non hospital food. Seems like you've done a great job taking care of your wife, look out for yourself as well.

Four months later mom and LO are doing incredibly.

I'm sure it's far scarier in your shoes and I'm still dealing with trauma from 4 months ago, so please reach out if you need any support. I know I needed it
 
@knd92 Thank you. A counselor stopped by earlier today to see how we were doing. The doctors and nurses have been continually checking on us. Even the NICU doctor stopped by to check on us. As I type this, I'm across the street from the hospital getting McD's while my wife sleeps. It's not much better than hospital food, but the change in atmosphere has done me well
 
@cindy8375 So glad to hear it! We also had wonderful hospital staff the whole week we were admitted. Yeah it might not be gourmet but getting some air and a change of scenery is super important
 
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