@theadmiral I started to feel more like myself around age 2 with my oldest, and then around age 3 with her younger brother.
Things that helped me:
-naptime was me time. No chores, cleaning, etc. unless I wanted to.
-joining the YMCA (this was pre COVID obviously) for the 2 free hours of child care. I would watch grownup tv on the treadmill for 30 min, shower and get ready at my leisure, and sit quietly for 10 minutes collecting myself.
-time blocking my chores. Now that my kids don’t nap or go to school (we are remote learning), all the boundaries of time have disappeared. So instead of just seeing a never ending mountain of chores, I set a block of time where I’m “off” and I read, knit, etc. my kids are 8 and 4 and will happily play together for an hour, so I realize I’m lucky in that regard.
-COVID has actually made it easier for me to socialize because everything is virtual and after bedtime. So I joined a book club through my local library, take some online knitting classes, and that helps me to have something non-kid related in my life.