R.I.P. Old Life

[savedtoservehim]

@d002sw I was so hyped that my oldest was going to start kindergarten this year so I'd only have one for most of the day. Now im stuck logging her on to online school all day.

 

[acedeck]

@johanb They’ll still be up!!

 

[solokwa]

@theadmiral I definitely feel myself getting soft, in a way. Like, I used to travel every week for work, I have presentations, handled million-dollar budgets and are at great restaurants.

But, I wasn’t HAPPY. I was working hard to fill a void in my life. I’m so much happier now, but I still look back on the old days and wish I could feel some of that confidence again.

So yeah, I understand. I’m not the same person I was, and I need to figure out who I am now.

 

[trishers]

@solokwa I wish I was happy now, but I am profoundly unhappy. Not sure when/how that will change, but for now I'm pretty miserable most of the time.

 

[solokwa]

@trishers Of course, everyone is different. But, it takes time to adjust, and there’s no playbook for that.

We put our girl in daycare so that I could go back to school, take on a client or two again and have some time for myself.

A week later, COVID hit and we haven’t sent her back because of the risk to my parents. It has been a very long year and my husband, who is a physician, has suffered a lot. But, I’ve found some peace in knowing that I will have a career again one day, hopefully one that is more fulfilling. For now, I take it 30 minutes at a time and just get to bedtime.

I hope you’re able to find something that brings you peace as well!

 

[trishers]

@solokwa Thank you for your response. Cov*d hit just after my baby was born, so I feel like I've been in a black hole by myself until very recently (10 months). We've had the opportunity to visit family just recently (no cases in our area), and it's been good to have a little break, but mentally it feels like it's just scratching the surface of what I need mentally.

I think I need to work on what I can look forward to. I don't plan to go back to work anytime soon, but I need to find something productive to do to stimulate my brain.

 

[joshua371]

@trishers I don’t mean this to come off in a shitty way but I’m a little jealous of covid baby moms. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert or maybe because all our family can be suffocating and wouldn’t leave us alone post baby. The idea of just being with my kids as babies without all the running around just sounds dreamy. But I fully realize I would get very tired of it after 10 months and would at least want a few visits and outings. I think I just got burned out because we had to do a lot of travel and family events when my kids were babies. Feels like a different reality now. I hope this ends soon and in the meantime you can find something for the mental scratch.

 

[solokwa]

@joshua371 I feel both ways about that. I felt overwhelmed at the number of people that crowded my tiny apartment after the baby was born, BUT, I lived for those hours when someone came to relieve me so I could just walk to Starbucks or something. Definitely different times these days. But, I think what will come out of this is more support for parents that want a little more privacy after birth. At least, that’s what I hope.

 

[trishers]

@joshua371 I mean, I understand what you mean, but it really hasn't been like that at all. Where we were, masks have been mandatory everywhere outside our own homes (including walking outside with no-one nearby), punishable by a fine. For a good 6 weeks we weren't allowed outside at all except for 1 hour exercise and 1 person per household per day could do necessary shopping. I felt like a prisoner. No support, except from my husband, who was wfh full time. It was the worst year of my life.

I dreamed of having someone, anyone, come and take my baby for even a few minutes. It was illegal.

I don't want to discount your experience, I'm sure that it was hard, and there was a lot of social and emotional pressure. It was just different. But I wouldn't wish what I experienced on anyone.

 

[joshua371]

@trishers That’s way tougher than the standards here have been. I can’t imagine. I hope it ends soon.

 

[jennac]

@theadmiral I started to feel more like myself around age 2 with my oldest, and then around age 3 with her younger brother.

Things that helped me:

-naptime was me time. No chores, cleaning, etc. unless I wanted to.

-joining the YMCA (this was pre COVID obviously) for the 2 free hours of child care. I would watch grownup tv on the treadmill for 30 min, shower and get ready at my leisure, and sit quietly for 10 minutes collecting myself.

-time blocking my chores. Now that my kids don’t nap or go to school (we are remote learning), all the boundaries of time have disappeared. So instead of just seeing a never ending mountain of chores, I set a block of time where I’m “off” and I read, knit, etc. my kids are 8 and 4 and will happily play together for an hour, so I realize I’m lucky in that regard.

-COVID has actually made it easier for me to socialize because everything is virtual and after bedtime. So I joined a book club through my local library, take some online knitting classes, and that helps me to have something non-kid related in my life.

 

[katrina2017]

@theadmiral yup. i even stopped drinking in solidarity with my wife who is pregnant again. so now i dont have friends, spend all day with my son, prepare for twins to show up and I cant even have a drink. its tough, but pretty sweet also.

 

[whiterose26]

@katrina2017 I have three month twins and a two year old. Get ready for a ride.

 

[annemoon]

@theadmiral I will let you know.

Mom of 4, 9 years and younger.

 

[kayskitch]

@theadmiral Lots of stress crying

 

[barbmarie1982]

@kayskitch Same

 

[johanb]

@theadmiral Soooo there are good days and less good days imo. I and just now (he turned 3 last dec.) starting to feel more “in my skin” sure it’s a new kind of skin but I’m getting into it.

My sis and I had kids 4mo apart and she’s feeling it too. We summed it up today as “we are just gonna be basic (mom) bitches and we are just fine with that!” Lol

It gets easier. And sometimes it doesn’t. But as my kid grows I feel like I am too? If that makes sense.

 

[pol1905]

@theadmiral I miss gym. I used to drop my kid off and go fit and hour. Pandemic killed my sahp groove. My kid had gymnastics, toddler group, museums, aquarium, and zoo trips. Now it’s which way to go on the walk. Left or right. My second was born in March and he hasn’t seen any babies at all, but at least they have each other.

 

[bannerman]

@theadmiral I just try to remind myself that this is just a new chapter and sooner than I know it will be over. My mom who is in her 70’s always says that if she could relive any time in her life over again it would be when my brother and I were very young children.

You might never be like your old self again, but that doesn’t mean what you are evolving into isn’t just as cool.