@wh2 You sound like me- there are times when my house is tidy and there are times when it's chaos. I've got two- (3y and 3m) and a lot of it is contingent on their moods and whether or not they nap or the toddler gets into the activity I've planned for cleaning time or not.
I'd recommend the book: How to Keep House While Drowning. It's got good tips and also helps with the mindset that mess is morally neutral- it's not a bad thing nor is it a good thing, it just is. The ones that have helped me the most are the 4 step cleaning for tackling big messes (1. Trash, 2. Dishes, 3. Laundry, 4. Things with a place), bins for organization, and not folding laundry before putting it away.
I also decided what my priorities are: floors need to be clean since I've got pets and a baby who hangs out down there, dishes, and laundry. The house can function without other stuff being done.