christbrah
New member
@lizlugo51 Very tall gate ftw …
Is the preschooler age supposed to br this exhausting/what am I doing wrong?
- Thread starter laurie4321
- Start date
christbrah
New member
@laurie4321 I’m not at this point yet (a year behind) so I really don’t know if it’s appropriate but, is it too late to put some kind of gate on his bedroom door? So that once he’s in for bedtime, he has to stay.
@christbrah Not too late and you might want to preemptively put one up too haha
christbrah
New member
@lizlugo51 Oh I’ve got one lol! And he just learned to open his door knob so thank god for it.
zelda_freak
New member
@laurie4321 Check out restraint collapse.
If he’s running around during dinner, try to get that type of activity in just before, see if it helps regulate. Talking about it isn’t going to change how his body feels, you need to either lean into the stimulus he’s seeking or go upstream to find what’s causing the dysregulation his body is reacting to by seeking that movement.
If he’s running around during dinner, try to get that type of activity in just before, see if it helps regulate. Talking about it isn’t going to change how his body feels, you need to either lean into the stimulus he’s seeking or go upstream to find what’s causing the dysregulation his body is reacting to by seeking that movement.
@laurie4321 Theres an instagram account called Nurtered First and she has a program for getting kids to feel safe and happy in their beds/bedrooms at night so when you close the door it stays closed. It might be worth a shot for you!
I do agree with the below post as well, your boy sounds normal for this age and as hard as it can be try adjusting your expectations. I also have zero time when my boy is around. He does not play independently either so I can only get anything done when he’s not home (with Dad, Grandma or a sitter). It’s so hard, but it’s just a season. It feels like forever right now, but it really isn’t!
I do agree with the below post as well, your boy sounds normal for this age and as hard as it can be try adjusting your expectations. I also have zero time when my boy is around. He does not play independently either so I can only get anything done when he’s not home (with Dad, Grandma or a sitter). It’s so hard, but it’s just a season. It feels like forever right now, but it really isn’t!
Do not give any attention to negative behaviors. You are giving him a ton of attention for the throwing and he loves it and thinks it’s a game and a good way to get attention. If he is throwing something, simply immediately take it away without comment or reaction of any type. Zero attention just gone without hesitation. Don’t give it back.
I almost would just not bother with him being in his chair? Just communicate that that’s the only place he gets to eat. If he chooses not to eat and just to go wander that’s his choice and he can eat at the next meal.
Put a child proofing thing on his door handle. Shut the door. You can explain to him in a loving way that because it is bed time his door doesn’t work anymore until morning time for him. Tell him he is safe and that you will be able to get in if truly needed.
As for messes the kids leave…why are they leaving messes? Either they are old enough to clean up on their own or they should only be allowed to have one thing out at a time.
I almost would just not bother with him being in his chair? Just communicate that that’s the only place he gets to eat. If he chooses not to eat and just to go wander that’s his choice and he can eat at the next meal.
Put a child proofing thing on his door handle. Shut the door. You can explain to him in a loving way that because it is bed time his door doesn’t work anymore until morning time for him. Tell him he is safe and that you will be able to get in if truly needed.
As for messes the kids leave…why are they leaving messes? Either they are old enough to clean up on their own or they should only be allowed to have one thing out at a time.
@kyleeak I have heard people say that children shouldn't leave messes and I genuinely can't fathom it. Literally how do you physically prevent them leaving a mess? Either I would have to be within a couple of feet at every moment to supervise every move or every portable object would need to be locked away. Even then, if he can find the key he'll get it out.
Is it a case of having larger houses with a dedicated 'childproof' space? Do people just have very minimalist spaces where there isn't much for them to get into? Do some children not run full pelt all day every day?
Is it a case of having larger houses with a dedicated 'childproof' space? Do people just have very minimalist spaces where there isn't much for them to get into? Do some children not run full pelt all day every day?
laurie4321
New member
@lookx009 That’s exactly it. He won’t leave a mess if I’m hovering over him and micromanaging him but then it’s no fun for me. He doing lots more of independent pkay which is great and I remind him to clean up ness but that’s not realistic. I’m also constantly cleaning the kitchen I mean it’s endless. And don’t get my started on the laundry.
@lookx009 I mean I think yes there are a lot of factors that go into it. Of course children are going to make messes I am not trying to say that any child will somehow never make a mess. I’m more addressing the issue of constantly feeling very overwhelmed by mess and constantly cleaning.
I’m happy to go into the strategies I use to avoid that issue if you are interested
I’m happy to go into the strategies I use to avoid that issue if you are interested
erinrohman
New member
@erinrohman When I was a nanny I used to work with parents on these exact issues so I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. Hard to get across the complexity in a Reddit comment though. Definitely why I have enjoyed parenting as much I do even with strong willed kids
@laurie4321 Nope, I’m sorry to tell you but… you do not get any of those luxuries, hire the babysitter 
three is THE WORST. Everything you say is what I’m going through right now too. I have a 3.5yo and a newborn. Everyone asks me about how hard it must be to deal with the new baby not sleeping through the night and I l like, “um at least I don’t have to carry her out of the frozen food aisle because she wants a popsicle and is trying to tip over the grocery cart while screaming” I will choose baby spitups and blowouts every time 
. They know what they want now and can communicate it but don’t get understand why the world doesn’t cater itself to them. It’s awful.
My only advice: choose your battles. He melts down about PJs? Let him pick them out himself or whatever it might that he wants. Worst case, he sleeps in his clothes or undies, which is not going to kill him. Plan a car ride each day of the weekend (that you are able to), and use the time that he’s asleep for a mini-date in the car, talking and enjoying each other’s company. We live in a beautiful area, so often we end up on tiny roadtrips in a 1hr radius and stop to pick up pie or something.
It will get better. Just hang on and remember when times are good that this is the cutest he will ever be for the rest of his life lol. Look at his little hands and remember he is small. And basically has temporary borderline personality disorder (hey I get to say it because I have it lol). Learn DBT emotional regulation skills for yourself and teach them to him. You can and will get to five!
three is THE WORST. Everything you say is what I’m going through right now too. I have a 3.5yo and a newborn. Everyone asks me about how hard it must be to deal with the new baby not sleeping through the night and I l like, “um at least I don’t have to carry her out of the frozen food aisle because she wants a popsicle and is trying to tip over the grocery cart while screaming” I will choose baby spitups and blowouts every time . They know what they want now and can communicate it but don’t get understand why the world doesn’t cater itself to them. It’s awful. My only advice: choose your battles. He melts down about PJs? Let him pick them out himself or whatever it might that he wants. Worst case, he sleeps in his clothes or undies, which is not going to kill him. Plan a car ride each day of the weekend (that you are able to), and use the time that he’s asleep for a mini-date in the car, talking and enjoying each other’s company. We live in a beautiful area, so often we end up on tiny roadtrips in a 1hr radius and stop to pick up pie or something.
It will get better. Just hang on and remember when times are good that this is the cutest he will ever be for the rest of his life lol. Look at his little hands and remember he is small. And basically has temporary borderline personality disorder (hey I get to say it because I have it lol). Learn DBT emotional regulation skills for yourself and teach them to him. You can and will get to five!
laurie4321
New member
@lizlugo51 I believe I have borderline too !
@laurie4321 You are in good company 
when I started viewing my toddler through that lens, I became much more empathetic to her insecurities and emotional triggers. Now I try very hard to behave with her the way I wish people would treat me when I’m having a hard time. Plus the memes are great .
when I started viewing my toddler through that lens, I became much more empathetic to her insecurities and emotional triggers. Now I try very hard to behave with her the way I wish people would treat me when I’m having a hard time. Plus the memes are great .lostandafraid
New member
@lizlugo51 Do you have any resources for DBT techniques?
@lostandafraid Here’s some free ones online (and you can internet search things like “DBT infographics” - many are for sale but you can grab a screenshot):
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/dbt/none
https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.o...nce DBT Skills_ADA_04232020_tcm75-1598996.pdf
If you can afford to, I recommend buying the book of worksheets and work on one a week
https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811
https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheets/dbt/none
https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.o...nce DBT Skills_ADA_04232020_tcm75-1598996.pdf
If you can afford to, I recommend buying the book of worksheets and work on one a week
https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811
@laurie4321 Unfortunately yes I have heard 3 year Olds called threenagers and the 4th year called the F you fours. I don't know about f you but my 4 year old daughter is exhausting and not only a social butterfly but a massive chatter box.I l love her but a little quiet would be nice. I am hoping when she is 5 she will settle down a little.
@laurie4321 Have you practiced deep breathing with him at all? Me and my 4yo will often take 5 deep belly breaths before reading, and then 5 after. You might want to shoot for closer to 10 breaths since he’s having such a hard time. A good way to practice the breathing is to light a birthday candle and have him blow it out, moving it farther away each time so he has to take bigger and bigger breaths. Proper belly breathing will help prepare his body and mind for sleep. I would also try a longer reading session, maybe start getting into longer stories if you haven’t yet. For some reason dr Seuss books (full lengths) really get my bub tired. And maybe do a brief stretching session with him. You can probably find a good bedtime yoga/stretching video on YouTube. Maybe try doing it with the lights out(since he gets burst of energy after the lights are out) or do it by candle light. And you mention magnesium lotion, but is he getting enough magnesium in his diet? I would up his intake of magnesium rich foods as it is essential nutrient for healthy sleep. My guy likes pumpkin seeds and pistachios as snacks. But like others have said, it is such a hard age! I think 3.5-4.25 was the hardest. Good luck!
@laurie4321 I know you don’t want to hear no nap, but I think no nap is the answer. You have to try it for 2 weeks or so though, a random no nap day here and there not working out doesn’t mean he still needs it, he just needs to adjust to the new schedule. If he needs a car ride to fall asleep and then is struggling that much at bedtime, I really don’t think he needs the nap. 3.5 is on the older side to still be napping. My son dropped his at 2.5. He’s 3.5 now also. He wakes up around 7:00-7:30am, we do some quiet time (he gets to watch a low stimulation show) around 12:30pm while I get my 12m old down for his nap, and then bedtime is 7:45pm, he’s usually asleep by 8:15pm or so. We had some rough days during the transition but once his body clock adjusted it’s been relatively smooth sailing