@margrethe My relationship with my husband has on/off struggled since we had our 2nd. We’re in couples therapy and it helps so much. I’d recommend it. Personally, I think couples therapy should be required after having kids - there is so much that changes in the dynamic.
We struggle with communication. For example, one morning my husband offered to drop off the kids to daycare/preschool. He came back and was frustrated bc I didn’t clean up from breakfast. I instead used that time to re-coup from the typical morning chaos.
I was upset he was critical of how I chose to use my time. Why did I have to clean?! I wfh I could do it during my lunch break. Our therapist mentioned that we need to communicate our expectations and not judge each other. So it would’ve helped if he said “i’ll drop the kids off, could you clean up from breakfast while i’m gone?”. Then I can let him know whether or not I can meet that expectation.
Lastly, while I was on mat leave with our 2nd, I got sick a few days and learned very quickly moms don’t get special treatment when they’re sick. I still had to do all the things. It was frustrating but now I try to be super vocal about my needs and boundaries “i’m sick, i’m laying down, you’ve got the kids”.
Whenever, i’ve thought about divorce. I take a step back. My husband is a good man, we’re in a very, very hard stage of life. I don’t want to give it up and miss out on what our relationship will be when we have more “free time again”.