@jdthcstl There will definitely be use in being around after mom is healed. Parenting is tough, and adding in one (or two!) full time jobs on top of being a new parent is brutal.
Some of the perks of taking that extra time:
Both of us got somewhat reasonable sleep. Like, we just split up who was handling the kid(s) at different points and made sure each of us got a chunk of 6 hours of sleep, uninterrupted by children. Mom had to get up and pump in the beginning at least once every 3 hours, but that just meant that I made sure she got 7+ hours for her block of sleep instead.
We were able to (mostly) keep up with our normal cooking habits. This means we weren't reliant on frozen food, take out, or whatever someone else brought over, and meant we stayed with healthier options overall.
The house stayed reasonably clean. We aren't clean freaks, but we were able to keep up with the basic maintenance stuff that usually falls to the side during the first few weeks much better than expected.
Both kids got used to both parents, individually and jointly. This means that both kids have just handled either of us taking on feedings or bedtimes without any major transitional shocks. As they've gotten older, they have preferences (usually "whomever isn't doing it at this second") but they are fairly good about going to sleep with either of us instead of absolutely requiring one parent or the other.
We felt fairly normal. It was still a huge shock to our routines, but we were reasonably sane and comfortable through the leave period. This had a huge positive impact on our mental health, since we could both actually keep from completely losing ourselves to "just" being a parental zombie.
I definitely recommend taking as much time as you can off to be with the kiddo, both during the parental leave time period and as they grow up.
Having said all of the above, I would say that you should take at least 4 weeks up front, and then maybe look at easing back into work one-two days a week before transition back to full time when your leave runs out. I wish I could have done that, but my company required me to take them in large blocks instead.
@jamesprayer That sounds like a great way to approach things. I am hoping me and wife can sleep in shifts so she won't be too exhausted while I am on leave.
@jdthcstl Man my wife and I were full blown paranoid the first like 3 days we slept in shifts but not in a healthy way. Like every moment of the day and night one of us was watching the baby and checking that she was still breathing and that kind of thing. It was the worst I’ve felt in a long time because of that and the feeling that we couldn’t take our eyes off of her for even a few minutes. I played Pokemon just to mindlessly keep myself awake and keep watch while my wife slept. We quickly learned to change our habits and our new parent syndrome got much better
I love that the other commenter said try to do like 7hr shifts, that’s actually doable and healthy. We just got lost in the scramble which didn’t pan out too well
On another note, I definitely agree with others that you should really take one big chunk and just enjoy every moment of it. Forget about work. This is what you work so hard for is these moments you’re about to have, so this is the time to savor it to the fullest
@jdthcstl After having our first kid, if given the chance for six weeks I’d take 4 weeks off at the beginning and then use the other time for appointments or to maybe help mom take a couple rest days throughout her leave. But that’s hindsight knowing what I know now. For our first kid I would have taken it all off at the beginning.
@jdthcstl Take it all at once if you can. I was in between roles when my first was born in January and thoroughly enjoyed the bubble that my wife, daughter, and I had those first 2 months. It would be crazy not to do this if you're able to, I think you will cherish that time during it and after. (At least that how it was for me. )
@jdthcstl Take every bit of bonding time that you can get/afford.
I got 12 weeks from the state. I took 6 weeks when mine was born, then 6 after my wife went back to work. I wish I could have taken more time. Next time I think I would do 4 weeks at the start then the rest later. Being at home in the beginning was very helpful to help my wife recover and to be with him. But it was the second stay at home that was more bonding, after he was more than a flesh potato that just sleeps,eats,shits.
Also using a portion of the leave after my wife went back to work meant I was the primary caregiver for that period. I think it was a really great experience, not just bonding but learning how to do it alone as well. It's very different when it's just you.
Going back part time to extend the length of my bonding time is something I thought about as well. I think this could be a good option too, a nice way to get extra time with them as they get older.
@jdthcstl I'm just finishing 5 months paternity leave.
Even that wasn't completely easy. Having a kid is hard, and if anything goes wrong like post parturition depression you're going to need all the help you can get.
@jdthcstl Just as an example - here in Australia you get 18 weeks (over 4 months) paid government leave AND most employers offer some sort of paid leave on top of that!
I had 10 months PAID leave - take every single hour you can wangle because you should be getting even more.
@jdthcstl I had 8 weeks of paid leave through work and took 4 weeks right when my daughter was born, used two weeks to go on a family trip when she was about 6 months and used the last two weeks to help with the transition of my wife going back to work. If your company offers it, use as much as you can. Loved every minute of being off.
@jdthcstl I am in Australia but with both my kids I took off 2 months. The bonding and enjoyment was invaluable not to mention the time for Mum to recover.
In Australia sick leave is also considered carers leave, so if I needed a day off to take care of the kids I could also do that (not sure if thats the same in US).
But no, there is no such thing as too much bonding time with your kids.
@jdthcstl It depends on your job, but basically no, you can’t take too much.
If you work from home and can spend time with your baby throughout the day, maybe you want to take 3-4 weeks and then save some of that leave for later in the year. Take off every Friday for 6 months and have a long weekend for example!
If your employer offers 6 weeks of leave take them up on it. If they didn’t want you to take it off then they wouldn’t have made that a policy. Year end, peak season, sales kick off - that stuff literally happens every year, your baby will only be a newborn for less than 2 months.
@jdthcstl 2 months sounding like too much Is so sad. Homies in EU regularly get almost a year iirc. Regardless, congratulations to you, enjoy the first and keep being your awesome self, you'll be a good dad.
@jdthcstl Yeah man take as much as you can. It sucked for me because my job didn’t have male “parental bonding” when we had my son. Would have been really nice since my son was in the NICU for his first three weeks, and would have really taken some stress off my wife. During that time I was working the bare minimum and headed straight to the hospital after work.
@newroof Not sure where you are but there’s a new law being passed in the UK which gives parents additional leave if their child is in the NICU during their first few weeks.
