Is it possible to take too much parental leave?

[tinytim8604]

@chefboo

if your child is older.

How old do you mean?

 

[chefboo]

@tinytim8604 I thoroughly enjoyed 6 months old travel, they can crawl but not far. Their diet is almost entirely breast milk/formula, with some soft foods in the mix, so you mostly just need Mom to be well fed.

A year was more challenging as they are likely beginning their journey of walking.

Eighteen months was golden as they are starting to understand the world just a little bit. But food can be harder, depending on your child.

If you are going by plane, plan a different activity for every 5 minutes of flight time (simple and small!). Worst case, you can get 30 minutes out of browsing various photos of them.

 

[imag]

@chefboo This is sort of my plan. I get 8 weeks paternity plus whatever vacation I want to use. Planning on one month at home and then in a few months after that when my wife is off maternity, I’ll take the other month so we maximize time the little one has a parent full time watching her.

 

[racheldiane]

@imag That’s what we did. I’m a lurking mom but I loved being able to leave my baby with her highly competent dad when I went back. I had to stress about pumping and stuff but I never worried about her care. By the time she started daycare I was really comfortable with my work routine. It also gave my partner an opportunity to become the baby expert for a while. I think it really helped set up an equal partnership.

 

[catd]

@jdthcstl And heres my wife who didnt even get approved for FMLA. Fuck USA.

Take as much time as your company will allow you, and even more if you can stretch it.

 

[lhealy]

@jdthcstl We just had our first child 5 weeks ago and my husband is staying home as well as me for 2 months before he goes back to work.
He also has some more months paternity leave later when I go back to work but that is still in the future so no idea how it will pan out for us.

Right now, I sometimes think about what it would be like to be home alone with our son and I am a little horrified of the thought. First 3 weeks were pretty chill as he would sleep a lot and basically in any place but now he wants to cuddle and feed for comfort a lot more and will mostly sleep on me or my husband and it has gotten much more intense. It would not be impossible to do this alone throughout the day but it is stressful to have the baby on you so much. I have big respect for everyone who handles one or multiple children on their own for the whole workday and am very very happy to have my husband around for the first two complete months.

 

[jdthcstl]

@lhealy This is helpful to hear. Thank you!

 

[cbstaylor]

@jdthcstl We’re planning on taking about 6 months off. About one month is paid full, the other are basically unpaid (we get like 300 euro each). For me next half year will be all about the baby.

 

[melmoth]

@jdthcstl Dude, take every ounce of it. I had just changed jobs so was a tad short on leave but still got 12 weeks plus any sick time I wanted to use. Prior job was the same way and it was surprising for men to take the full 12 weeks plus several weeks of sick leave.

Unless you are the sole surgeon at a remote hospital; at the end of the day your employer will be fine without you.

 

[thetruthsetsonefree]

@jdthcstl My work gives up to 9 months off with around 92% pay.

I was going to take the full 9 months, but I got offered a deployment overseas after I had already turned one down as I would have been gone when my son was born. Would have been off work from May to this coming January. Only took about 2.5 months (2 months of parental, and 2 weeks of annual summer leave). Went back to work in August to start my work up training.

Take as much time as you're offered right up front, especially being your first kid. The next one's you'll know what you and your wife find the most difficult (personally I found the 3ish month mark was the worst) and you can delay your leave for those times.

 

[daveman2186]

@jdthcstl In my situation, we’re planning to take my parental leave all at once. This ends up being easier for my company anyways since we have quarterly goals/targets, and essentially I’ll be “offline” for that duration.

I think it’s totally reasonable to take your leave all at once. It’s a big life event and being there for your wife/baby is pretty indispensable.

 

[6nd6]

@jdthcstl I had 3 days off, and labor was sorta long so really I had like a day and a half before I had to return to work. It was miserable.

Take as much time as you can, it’s totally worth it and you’ll be glad you did. I wish I had that kinda time.

 

[rosenberg]

@jdthcstl It’s not crazy at all. It’s not what I did, but it’s not crazy by my stretch.

My company does 4 weeks paid paternity leave. I don’t have to take it all at once, but it has to be taken in 1 week intervals. I used 2 for the first two weeks after baby was born, one to bridge the gap between wife’s maternity leave ending and daycare starting, then the last one I have until April to use.

Do whatever works best for you and your family.

 

[byanez]

@jdthcstl Not too much at all! Will get 8 months, and intend to use all of it!

 

[cowboy90]

@jdthcstl In Germany you have to take a minimum of parental leave if you take it. (That allows for 14 months total split between the 2 parents, 12 months if only one parent takes leave)

Unfortunately it is only at 1800 euro (may have gone up, that was the max in 2018) or 60% of your salary whichever is higher. But it is better than nothing. You can also extend it by going back part time.

So I mean if you can use it than by all means. If you are in the US that is a stupidly generous amount of time.

 

[grom1983]

@jdthcstl I took the first 6 weeks off after our first. It was over in the blink of an eye. Take as much time as possible, especially in the beginning. It is a learning process for everyone.

 

[faithisbest]

@jdthcstl I took 3 months wish I would’ve taken 6. You’re robbing yourself if you don’t take your full leave. This is your benefit and part of compensation.

 

[nymichelle]

@jdthcstl My husband took six weeks paid leave after our daughter was born and then eight months (yes months) of paternity leave after I went back to work. He didn't want it to end.

 

[alexandro]

@jdthcstl I’m taking 1 month off before due date, 2 months of maternity leave, and 3 months of child bonding leave = total of 6 months. I’m lucky the state of California has supportive programs, plus addition supports from my employer. I don’t think 6 months is too long as I know other European countries have even longer leave.

 

[jamesprayer]

@jdthcstl Kid #1 I took 2 calendar months of leave in one shot, then took my normal PTO through the rest of the year. Having that time was amazing and hugely helpful as mom recovered and we adjusted to having a child in the house; going back to work at the end of my leave was incredibly tough.

Kid #2 I took 14 weeks up front, followed by another 4 week chunk a few months later for family to visit (covid vaccine availability timing made the gap make sense). Going back was a bit easier with kid #2 being older, but still tough for the adjustment period.

If I had the option, I'd have taken 6 months+ up front, as the more time with the kids, the better.