Is having a second kid really worth all the trouble? It looks exponentially harder to go from 1 to 2 kids than zero to 1.

[haruchi]

@christopherpriestley The newborn stage is pretty miserable in general. Yes, it's going to be a lot harder with another kid there.

My daughter was 26m when my son was born and she always loved him and was excited to help and see him. They are almost 2 and 4 now, and love playing together. I've heard a lot of people say it's easier when they get older because they can entertain each other.

My daughter was significantly more advanced at 2 than my son is, so if they were reversed, it may have been different. And, it depends on the temperament of the kids, but it does give them an opportunity to learn turn taking and sharing at-home.

Of course 2 is more expensive than 1. That's personal if you can afford it.

 

[greaterthanorequalto]

@christopherpriestley I sure hope so because I'm pregnant with #2 now. My ex and I are split so luckily we were already pulled apart after the first kid lol. My bills are low and I have family help so I hope I don't experience what your friend did.

I really wanted more than just one kid so my child would have someone to grow up with and hopefully have a lifelong friendship with. I have several siblings myself and think being an only child seems rather lonely (no offense to the only children out there).

I thought a second child was a good idea almost right after my first was born. I think I would have been happy with one but I am glad to be having a second.

 

[dwhite081705]

@christopherpriestley It varies so much but I found the second one was a much better transition than 0-1. Now that they’re older they play together and make my life a lot easier! It’s busier I think, but not harder.

With the second there is no identity crisis about becoming a mother, you remember how to care for a baby, you’re more chill about things like toddler tantrums because you understand it passes. You have perspective. It does probably depend on the age gap, and the personalities of the child as to how easy of a time it is.

But nobody adds another child because they think it will be easier, you do it because you want to and that outweighs all the short term stress that any new baby is going to add!

 

[timamin]

@christopherpriestley Yes all that can happen. However it doesn’t happen like for every couple. I have two kids and my husband and I are as happy as can be. My older child absolutely loves the younger one.

 

[0null00]

@christopherpriestley I’ve had the opposite experience. I have 3 kids under 5. Going from 0-1 was an astronomical adjustment. Going from 1-2 had its challenges, but I handled it much better because I knew what I was doing more the second time around. It’s more work, of course, with 2 kids. And of course, 2 kids are more difficult than 1 kid. But it’s also nice because if I need to shower, get something done around the house, etc, I’m not just leaving one kid alone. They have each other and I feel a lot better just letting them go play in a room without me there. They’re rarely ever alone. I love having multiple kids. It’s way more work, but my house feels full and happy.

That being said, if you don’t want a second kid, don’t have a second kid. I always wanted a bigger family. I love kids and I love taking care of them. People who don’t want multiple kids shouldn’t have multiple kids just because they “feel like they should”. It’s your life, it’s your family, and you’re the one who will be making all of the sacrifices to make it happen. Many people are happy with one and done.

 

[christinak]

@christopherpriestley In my experience, yes, though it was hard for a while.

 

[ambc]

@christopherpriestley I definitely say go for the bigger age gap. We did like 2 years and 2 years between ours, and I do regret it. Now that my youngest just turned 5 I feel like I missed so much with my first 2 because I was so torn at taking care of a newborn and toddler at the same time and it was chaotic most of the time, too much stress. Now, if I wasn't working maybe I'd feel different, but I was definitely pulled in too many directions, and my mom guilt is not nice. I still would of had all 3 but would if liked the age gaps, maybe at 4 to 5 years. Them being friends or close shouldn't have been a considering factor but it kind of was, along with me not wanting to be any older having kids and them growing up. Now I'm carrying for a friend but my husband and I are done having kids of our own.

 

[imfreein08]

@christopherpriestley My kid just turned 2 on my second kids due date... now I have a 2 year old and 1 month old. It's exhausting, but I am so in love with my littles.

 

[unworthybutgrateful]

@christopherpriestley We are planning for 2 for the long game. I want my child to have a built in playmate. My 5 year old niece is constantly asking for me, her parents or her grandparents to play with her and it's a lot! I feel bad for her when we are all busy and she has the play by herself.

 

[belindad]

@christopherpriestley 1-2 has been INFINITELY easier than 0-1. So much more confident and sure of yourself, how to take care of a baby, you’re used to sicknesses, sleepless nights, etc. I love it so much more this time around. I have a 23 month old and a 4 month old.

 

[cdv]

@christopherpriestley It was hard for me to adjust because I’m almost 41. But my daughter is almost 10 and baby is now 2.5. It’s a 7 year age gap and he completes our family!

 

[erickosh]

@christopherpriestley one and done over here!!

 

[oreosoleil]

@christopherpriestley Honestly I think age gap makes such a difference. My kids are 5 years apart. They get along great. But we also had easy kids which also makes a big difference.

 

[thisisme123]

@christopherpriestley Adding a second was a breeze for me. Going from 0 to 1 was a huuuuge adjustment but adding a second was no biggie.

I already knew how to do everything, I knew what I liked and what I didn’t, what worked for me and what did not.

It didn’t add strain, we both knew the first months would look a little different with the night stuff but it’s short and temporary and I enjoy the newborn phase so much.

No one has to add a second. If you’re one and done that’s your perfect.

My kids play together all the time and it’s so cute. Sure they bicker too but it’s just different skills we teach them than what would’ve have gone on with just one.

The strain your friend is experiencing is not what happens to everyone having a second. I bet they already had a strain in their relationship and weirdly adding a baby to the mix didn’t fix it. People who go into it as a team that have a solid relationship don’t fall apart when baby comes. There were already cracks if that happens.

The financial thing is up to every couple to see how theirs are

If you have the desire and finances to add more babies go for it. If you don’t don’t. Maybe you’ll feel different in a Couple years. The whole 2 under 2 is very popular but it’s not for everyone. Especially if you’re young you have more time to decide

I’m 12 years older than my sister. But that age gap isn’t an option for us because of my age

 

[yeshuasdisciple]

@christopherpriestley My oldest and my youngest (soon to be the middle child) are 7 years apart and the baby I am pregnant with now will be 7 years apart from the middle child. It's such a great age difference.

 

[anolani]

@christopherpriestley 1 to 2 is so much easier in a lot of ways. A lot harder too, but if you plan it right and make sure you and your partner worked on your relationship a lot and financially prepared, then it's not that bad.

Also, I 2nd the larger age gaps. You hear all the time that 18 months or 2 yrs is a perfect age gap. Fuck. No. Maybe back in the day when everyone had huge villages and people helping them out. But if it's just you and your partner, it just is miserable. I see it with all my friends. When I got pregnant when my son turned 3, a lot of friends told me that was going to be too big of an age gap. It's been perfect so far. I realize it might be more challenging as the baby gets older, but for now it's nice to be able to take the baby to nap while my son watches TV or entertains himself in another room & I don't have to worry about him trying to kill himself or him needing a nap/screaming & waking up baby.

0 to 1 is a shit show completely lol.

 

[megas01]

@christopherpriestley For me, going from 0 to 1 was INCREDIBLY difficult, 1 to 2 was a breeze. Mine are 2 years apart.

 

[holyrollernovocaine]

@christopherpriestley It definitely is like going from 1 to 5 kids. I love my second child a lot so I would say it’s worth it but it is a lot more work than one. My first is 4 and my second is almost 1.

 

[jtlembke]

@christopherpriestley I needed this. All the moms of 2 around me seem to be drowning.

 

[bajackson55]

@christopherpriestley Is it possible your friend didn’t adequately prepare the toddler for a new baby?

If you don’t prepare them properly, then the jealousy and not wanting to share mum can be brutal!

If you do choose to consider a 2nd child, you can learn from your friend and focus on those things that caused issues - make sure your finances can handle a new baby and make sure to prep your toddler properly.