@morgannicole555 Even though 2-3 was the easiest transition, 3 is not easy
I have 6, 4.5, and 2 and loving it. It is a lot easier when you have at least 1 in school. If we have 4, we will wait until the olders are in elementary and #3 has started preschool.
@morgannicole555 2 to 3 was easier than 1 to 2 but it’s still very hard. I have a 4, 2, and 8 month old. It’s rough out here. Things are JUST starting to calm down with my youngest eating food and getting fuller so she sleeps better at night and is more independent/can entertain herself if I toss a baby toy her way. The first 6 months I had no peace, no quiet, it was always chaos and a kid touching me or asking something of me. Routines were off for sure in my case since we just did our best to survive. This is all very personal! Every kid will be different. My last baby happened to be a Velcro baby so that really made things hard. Also, if you get help from family/sitters now, it will be harder/more expensive with 3 kids. One person watching 3 kids is a large ask. My husband and I tell each other every day, we can get through this and it’s only temporary.
@morgannicole555 Yes, that’s what me and my husband tell ourselves anyway! We already see it with our 4 and 2 year old. They finally are at fun/playful ages with each other and don’t need me to play. Imagine that x3.
@morgannicole555 I have a 4, 2, and 7 week old. 3 has been our easiest transition BY FAR. They are all girls so I do worry about having an odd number, I would love a 4th but after having a rough pregnancy and delivery I’m just not sure.
With my third I have felt so much more peace and confidence in my abilities and intuition as a parent. It’s hard to describe but with my second I was constantly comparing her to my first but they are so radically different. Now I’m just like eh this really is just a phase and she will grow out of xyz in no time!
Yes it’s been hard to lose the man to man coverage but my husband is military and has been gone often so I’m usually alone with all 3 and I still even think it’s easier! The older two play together while I tend to baby. My older two have had less screen time than my first did when my second came.
@morgannicole555 Whether to go from 2 to 3 or 12 to 13 is irrelevant here, if dad's not on board it's a moot point. What if it did turn out to be harder for you, maybe you get PPD, or the kid has special needs? Resentment can trigger easily.
@zabu It’s a genetically tested embryo so somewhat safer. I agree but what about a mother’s dream? And not getting the baby is also resentment. People always point to the what if negatives but what if all good?
@morgannicole555 OP it sounds like you’re looking for confirmation of what you want, not actual advice. Resentment regarding An unfulfilled wish is a hell of a lot different than a life-changing decision you’re not totally on board with. “A mother’s dream” is just that. Personal fulfillment is not a valid reason to pressure your partner into having a child it doesn’t sound like he wants. Is he really just not sure or is he saying “no” and you are not hearing him?
@sarahtoo Fair - very fair. He’s saying no but he’s hearing me out and sort of considering. He has valid points. I wish we were both on board. I envy other families with three kids - will I always?
@morgannicole555 I think we get it in our heads that there is a certain way our family SHOULD be or SHOULD look and that sometimes causes problems with our ability to value what we have. Maybe it’s worth examining what it is about families with three kids that you envy and why.
When we were first married, My Ex-H and I were part of a cult that pressured couples to have children very quickly. Deep down I don’t think he ever wanted kids, but gave into the pressure. He always resented it and wasn’t a great dad at least in part because he felt like he HAD to have kids.
I heard another redditor say this recently - when it comes to kids if it’s not two enthusiastic “yes”es, then it’s a no. Don’t put your relationship at risk by pressuring your hubby into something he doesn’t wholeheartedly agree with. Maybe he’ll come around! Maybe the time just isn’t right for him. But maybe he won’t and you don’t want to waste your kids’ all-too-brief childhoods wishing things were different.
@morgannicole555 2 to 3 was the most difficult for me because you only have two hands and two parents. 3 to 4 was a breeze because you already have your groove and know how to manage each child and their level.
@morgannicole555 I’ve got a 4 and a 2 year old and currently pregnant with #3! So I’m curious to see how we go. The older two would just have turned 5 and 3 by the time bub arrives. I’m looking forward to seeing how much different the 3 year age gap is with my youngest two. I found going from 1-2 pretty hard, my eldest at the time still felt so small and dependent emotionally on me and I had so much guilt. But now at least they have each other and play together pretty well - they hardly ask much of us for long stints of their play time.
Again it’s all an adjustment, we’ve hit a sweet spot since my youngest turned 2 and that’s typically when I feel more like myself post partum. So just adjust your expectations (expect full on survival mode for at least the first year haha) and know it’ll all pass and it’ll get easier as the months go by. You got this
@morgannicole555 Everyone has a different experience… but 3 was the easiest for us. 2 was the hardest. I had PPD with baby #2 so that was rough. Number 3 was like… she just had always been there. It was just right. I wouldn’t say it’s easier than 2 kids. I would just say it made sense for us.
@morgannicole555 Adding number 3 was hardest for us but in fairness it was at the start of the pandemic and we were in lockdown for the first 6 weeks of his life. It’s also hard in that the kids tend to pair up and leave one kid out so there’s often drama related to that. All that still wouldn’t have changed my decision in hindsight, I love our crazy family and we just recently added number 4 which has been by far the easiest!
