@brucepjr I should add here that the body image issues relating to getting the wrong size clothes happened when I was a preteen, not a young child. I assume my husband just wants to get ahead of the problem but again, I find it very over the top. I am more than willing to let go of things like this so I can have help and also continue to have a relationship with my family. I feel horrible because for the last year I feel like I have been actively pushing them away.
@sam77 I’m going to echo what others have said, because I do think you need to keep hearing this.
Arguably, it would be better to avoid anyone purchasing clothes for baby after they get older to prevent body issues. Limiting comments is fine, but your husband sounds like he’s taking whatever bait he can to control. He found something that was vulnerable for you and put a very strange boundary on it as a form of control. If it was reasonable it would be fine. But it doesn’t seem that way. You’re hearing from him that he’s just taking your needs into consideration, because that’s a textbook control freak cover up.
It’s fine to have boundaries but you are effectively letting your husband exclusively control what your child wears and who she is around. It’s not taking much for these hard lines to be drawn, and that’s a red flag. Especially since it’s being done to isolate you and the baby.
@eoim I totally hear you and this is my concern. It’s validating to hear from others that my suspicions are correct and this is not normal. What I am having a hard time understanding is WHY he would want to control and isolate me.
@sam77 My husband was previously in this type of relationship before he was with me. He’s had to unpack a lot of the strange habits and control pieces. It’s not always about physical abuse. Sometimes a person just feels they have to use these tactics in order to get what they want from others.
He was harmed once but it was the isolation from friends, family and weird control issues with their son that stood out most. She needed every waking moment of his day that he wasn’t at work. She wouldn’t let him be close to his family. It was just all about getting her needs met. He couldn’t even work a little late for overtime when they were struggling to make ends meet. She would constantly threaten to leave with their son across state lines if he didn’t meet her demands.
Control is just control. Some people simply like to do it. We’re watching the same thing play out with her current husband and hearing strange comments from my stepson all the time. It’s just something to be aware of and watch out for because it’s a long game and it’s incredibly isolating.
