If you could turn back time, would you still have a child?

[hiplainsthrifter]

@bernard05 I’m the opposite-sometimes I wonder if I should have waited until my mid 30’s. Like would I have more patience? And would I have explored the world more for that five year period. Who knows though. I think I’m just struggling because I stay home with my son most days of the week and only go into the office two days so I don’t get much of a break.

 

[fudge]

@hiplainsthrifter No patience at all after 30's!! I had my daughter at 38y, and ( i even love her more than my life) sometimes i just want to run away from her!! It's difficult to explain, but i feel that way sometimes...

 

[hiplainsthrifter]

@fudge I definitely want to run away (I say as my 14 months old literally holds my knees as I sit on the toilet)!

 

[deelo00]

@hiplainsthrifter Honestly I think I would have had less patience if I'd waited. The more comfortable I was getting even in my 20s the less I was up for change. I think that's natural for a lot of people.

 

[hiplainsthrifter]

@deelo00 I’m very introverted and need a lot of quiet/alone time so I’ve definitely been thrown for a loop!

 

[tsegab]

@bernard05 Me too. It’s incredible how my perception of time and aging has changed from my early to late 30s. I wouldn’t want to have had kids young but if I could magically pick I would’ve had her at 30 rather than 34.

 

[bknight006]

@bernard05 I also wish I’d had mine around 30 instead of 35! Or even 32.

 

[frbasil4602]

@fudge I would. Even if she's a pain in my ass sometimes, my life is better with her in it.

 

[fudge]

@frbasil4602 True, and fun too!!

 

[matteus]

@fudge Yes, 100%. My son is only 5 and things have been (and continue to be) challenging at times, but I would do it again. In general, I found having an infant to be extremely difficult (colic, didn't sleep well at all until 18 months). Additionally, the pandemic has made toddlerhood kind of nuts and frustrating at times; he's spirited for sure. We have limited family support; although one set of grandparents is solid. I have found very few parts of parenthood easy, but the good outweighs the bad.

That being said, my wife and I had him when were were ~30 and decently established in our careers and marriage, so we can provide our son with the necessities while also being secure enough financially to not add that stressor. Our relationship has had its challenges related to parenthood, but we communicate well enough that we're able to find out way through them.

It helps that we knew we would be one and done very early on, having discussed it before he was even born. I think this allowed us to more quickly recover ourselves; for example my wife has re-established her fitness routines and I can focus more on hobbies and solo outdoor adventures to recharge. Our son is at an age where he can be bribed into just about anything with a treat (not my proudest parenting tactic, but it works). He's also developing some interests that we can start to share (e.g. rock climbing). I have a real hard time with pretend play (I try), but I started coaching kids sports and I'm really enjoying spending time with him that way.

Currently, I'm finding the most difficult part to be supporting him emotionally as he matures a bit. These on/off pandemic lockdowns without siblings or even cousins is starting to leave a mark; things would be a lot easier if he had more friends around, but I think that will come in time.

 

[oave]

@matteus Agree - The point of being able to recover ourselves much quicker than planned is what makes me enjoy parenthood more than I thought I would in the first 6 months of my son's life. To be able to go back to work, get back to my hobby, go to the pool by myself after work, go to the shop alone, spend quality time with my husband just two of us - basically having time to ensure my cup is full makes me a better Mom.

 

[annetteaa]

@fudge No, I wouldn't. I was a stress case before and now I'm 100x worse. I adore her like I've never adored anything and, I guess, that's the problem: this world sucks and she's too good for it. I wish I never brought this upon her. I'm exhausted trying to give her everything all the time. I know "good enough" but I lost my mom at a young age and I am just trying to get the absolute most out of this mother/daughter relationship and give her my all because you never know.

 

[fruitella]

@fudge I think I would.

Right now is really hard with an almost 3 year old boy.

BUT I imagine it will get easier.

When we can more easily start to incorporate him into our pre-child life I think we will be a lot happier.

Sometimes parenthood feels like a prison because everything you used to do takes so much more effort that it doesn’t even feel worth it. We end up staying home in the evenings and on the weekends more often than not.

When the fun is no longer sucked out of doing basic things like going to Target and getting Starbucks, going out to eat, and vacationing, I know we will feel much more happy and fulfilled.

 

[yallways]

@fruitella Wow. This is exactly how I feel….

 

[gr3g]

@fudge I think if I knew what I know now I could be ok with not having a kid. I love my daughter more than anything but I find it really hard. Other parents seen to find so much joy and fulfillment from being a parent. I would move the world for my kiddo but I don't find parenting fullfilling.

 

[hotman637]

@gr3g I’m not sure how old your kid is, but mine is two and I struggle with this A LOT. I’m having a really hard time figuring out if it’s truly that I’m struggling this hard with parenting, or if maybe I’d be feeling more fulfilled/happy if COVID hadn’t happened. I had such little time with my girl before covid hit, and it’s just been a train wreck all around since then. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that I am having such a hard time, and that I’m choosing to be OAD while everyone else in my social circle has had or is planning to have another.

 

[gr3g]

@hotman637 My kid has just turned three. Parenting over the last couple of years has been extra tough so this is definitely a factor for all of us.

I think I personally struggle as I really need down time / alone time to recharge. I don't really get much time to myself these days as my daughter is a low sleep needs child and stays up quite late, so often by the time she gets to sleep I'm ready to go to sleep too.

We were one and done before we even had my daughter but my daughter's sleep (or lack there of) has really solidified my decision.

 

[thewriteman]

@hotman637 I agree with everything you just said. I could have written this word for word. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

 

[hotman637]

@thewriteman You are so very welcome! Hugs to you, friend.

 

[allyson]

@fudge 1000% yes.

While we're at it, if I could go back in time, I would start my career earlier, have my kid earlier, buy a house earlier, and also have more than 1 kid if I could afford IVF.