I just don’t know

[healingrainbow]

Have a 7yo son, he’s great but exhausting. Working from home and distance learning can be tough.

Fiancé would like to have one together (different dads). I’m worried because I’m so tired at the end of the day with my 7 yo. I’m getting old so we need to decide fairly soon. The age gap would be about 8 years.

I always thought I wanted 2 but the first dad was such a crappy parent that I got an IUD knowing we’d never have another. I’d love to have a child that is 1/2 my current partner and he’s a great dad to his almost stepson.

I just don’t know.

 

[jrt12]

@healingrainbow What does your gut tell you?
How would you feel if you took a test tomorrow morning and it was positive?

 

[healingrainbow]

@jrt12 We’ve been trying. I was super sad at Christmas, this month I was more oh well, whatever.

 

[lovelycamillia]

@healingrainbow The age gap will only get bigger. My best friend is 10 years older than her sister and it wasn’t a huge deal for them.

 

[vyckro]

@healingrainbow My brother and I are 11 years apart and we are super close

 

[utookmyname]

@healingrainbow Does your current partner care much one way or the other? I mean, I don't have a second partner so I'm not sure how it feels to be in your shoes but if you're exhausted as it is, make sure you both REALLY want this. Also, since your son is older now, how does he feel about having a sibling? That will be a totally new dynamic to consider. You don't need to have or not have one because of your son but it will impact how much work is on you emotionally.

 

[healingrainbow]

@utookmyname My son’s Christmas list was a puppy and a sibling. Lol

My partner is younger and he’d like one. If it doesn’t happen, I think he’ll be ok too. Our relationship won’t end if I can’t/don’t get pregnant.

 

[utookmyname]

@healingrainbow Oh man, a puppy AND a newborn?? Yikes. I hope he knows that a sibling will not be his age nor much fun for awhile.

Good luck either way, this decision is really on you. It sounds like you're ambivalent. I'm not sure who the primary caregiver is but that's also an important factor.

 

[mephibosheth391]

@healingrainbow Do you mind my asking your age? Even if you have only a few months to play with it could be helpful - the COVID-19 situation might be a little more manageable (ie vaccines available), as well as giving you a bit of time to think and work out what you really want.

 

[healingrainbow]

@mephibosheth391 Almost 39

 

[mephibosheth391]

@healingrainbow Hmm. Even a 3-6 month wait might be worth it. I imagine most of the UK, and even a hefty proportion of the USA will have vaccines by then. Then I would re-assess how I really felt. it's a huge decision, and really shouldn't be rushed.