I am not a good mom today

[mariejustice54]

I have lost my temper way too many times on my 7 month old who is usually very chill but has been screaming n needy non stop. And Not ducking sleeping. Dark dark thoughts.

I’m tired. I don’t want to be a mom.

Edit: to all you people who have responded- T H A N K Y O U. I mean it sincerely- these encouraging words brought me back to some reality. I like the fact that I feel safe enough to post and not feel too judged. You guys are all very kind ... big hugs.

 

[quest4truth2016]

@mariejustice54 A poem I wrote a while back:::
(Edit: spacing is messed up, you get the gist.)

To The Mother Up at 3 am Nursing Her Baby and Crying Softly

If you ever bit off an angry comment to
your husband & swallowed it down, ever tasted
bitter tears, ever wondered if you'd be yourself
again, if you've ever looked at your baby and
loved them but didn't know them, if you ever woke
wet between the legs dreaming of the wrong person
tangled in your body, if you woke sweating & soaked
in milk, if you ever felt pinned to a wall wriggling,
ever fantasized about a car crash or coma, if
you ever screamed to pillows or cried in
showers — listen. I see you. Nothing
is wrong with you, you're working so hard, and
sleep is coming.

 

[mariejustice54]

@quest4truth2016 Annnd I cried. Thank you for writing this out and letting me feel noticed and not alone.

 

[jamesf123]

@mariejustice54 When my baby was 6-9 months were the absolute worst of my life. She just didn't sleep. I remember once she was howling and angry if I put her down. I was breastfeeding and struggled to pump enough so my husband couldn't really help. I put her in a playpen and she just cried and cried.

So I crawled in there with her, laid down in a fetal position, and ate an entire box of Nilla Wafers.

My only advice is just when you think you can't possibly take one more day, they will grow up a bit and be on to the next stage.

 

[amandal]

@jamesf123 That's how I was for the first 5-6 months of my daughter's life. Hours spent every night trying to nurse her, rock her, shush her to sleep. She'd fall asleep, I'd put her in the crib, then I'd lay on the floor. Why? Because half the time she'd wake up crying after 10mins or less, and I'd have to start it all over again.

Dark thoughts in the middle of the night that may make me a monster. I probably should have been committed. If we hadn't sleep trained her at 6 months, and if it hadn't gone so well, I probably would have completely shattered instead of just cracking. The newborn phase is one of many reasons why I'm one and done. I don't want to be that person again.

 

[louiss11]

@mariejustice54 I promise you most of us have been there, you’re not alone and it gets easier

 

[sbcalady]

@mariejustice54 We have all been there. We hear you. It’s so hard.

 

[sw501]

@quest4truth2016 Needed this

 

[rachelisunique]

@quest4truth2016 THIS

 

[oldwoodie]

@mariejustice54 Put your baby down in a safe place, and walk away.

Did you know it’s not your job to make your children happy? Did you know that it’s ok for babies/kids to cry? That it’s ok for them to feel emotions, and to work through them? Yes, comfort them in the hard times, let them know you’re there, and do what you can if there is a physical need, like food, diaper changes, uncomfortable clothing, teething pain, etc., but you can only do so much. It’s hard on our hearts to listen to that crying. Because it’s grating, but also because we want so badly to provide our children with whatever it is they need, but sometimes, you just need to step back, and walk away. You matter too, and crying won’t hurt your child.

 

[evi]

@oldwoodie This is some great advice right here! OP it is ok to ask for help and it’s ok to admit you are struggling with some though things. These are normal feelings that tons of new moms have so don’t feel guilty and don’t let yourself be tricked into believing you aren’t a good mom! Talking with someone can make a huge difference, I struggled with PPD/PPA, has all these same feelings and thoughts. I wish I had gone to therapy sooner instead of waiting till I reached my breaking point. You can get through this!

 

[mariejustice54]

@oldwoodie You’re absolutely right. Thank you for the reminder.

 

[oldwoodie]

@mariejustice54 When I get cranky with my kids I put myself in a time out, because we all need a moment to take a deep breath, and try to start over fresh. Do overs are a very important tool for all relationships!

 

[jamesf123]

@oldwoodie Spot on. One of the things our kids need most is a sane and healthy parent. Walking away for a bit is sometimes the only way to provide that.

 

[oldwoodie]

@jamesf123 It’s a win-win. You get a moment to take a breath, and your kids get a nicer version of you.

 

[joshramkelowon]

@oldwoodie LOVE THIS

 

[jordanmarli]

@mariejustice54 I’m sorry. It’s tough, especially when they’re that young. You sound really stressed; is there anyone who could take your baby for a bit or come hang out with you to give you a break? If you get really frustrated you should leave her somewhere safe like her crib and go into another room or outside to cool off.

Also have you been evaluated for ppd? The “dark thoughts” you mentioned are concerning. If you feel like you’re going to harm yourself or anyone else you need to call your obgyn immediately.

I had similar feelings. I didn’t know if I could be a mom. I had ppd and was a stay at home mom for the first 7 months. Every day was a struggle. It did get better, though. Now that my son is older, i love being a mom. Get through this time. This is just today, as you said, and tomorrow’s a new day with room for improvement.

 

[remorsefulboy]

@mariejustice54 You’re a good mom. You’re not a perfect mom because those don’t exist. You’re having a bad day, it’s allowed, your 7-month-old will forgive, forget, and continue to love you. Hope tomorrow is brighter for you and your little one. We’ve all been there, but you 100% can and will get past this! Let me know if you’d like some tips for sleeping.

 

[mariejustice54]

@remorsefulboy Thank you I really appreciate the time you guys are taking to respond and remind me that I’m human.

 

[dhaniel]

@mariejustice54 I remember going through this with my first.
Take a deep breath and know that it’s going to be okay.
I know being a mom takes a mental toll but we can do this.
Have you tried putting baby in a bathtub? Give baby a nice bath and then try changing baby in a quiet dark place. Feed baby if he or she wants to and then put baby in bed. Baby is safe and you can take some time for yourself. It’s okay to leave baby for a little while even let baby cry him or herself to sleep. Baby is clean, new diaper, fed and safe.

Relax and don’t give up. Baby is just a baby.
Good luck.