I am hating this 2-3 years phase - Is it just me?

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paloma22

New member
So, I have a very hyper active 2.5 year old that is just lately burning out my husband and I. He is our one and only, and lately his behavior has further fueled our decision for OAD. He's like a loose cannon sometimes, and it takes every patient cell in my body to try to gentle parent ASAP, but he's hitting all the right buttons and nerves. He splashes water EVERYWHERE at bath time; he doesn't listen; he does this high pitch screaming thing that he wasn't grown out of; he climbs everywhere and has done enough damage around the house that we are thinking about a new couch.

My husband has very high anxiety and depression, so this also further has encouraged our OAD, but I am absolutely HATING this age from 2 -3 years old.

Is it just me? Am I supposed to be this tired, burnt out, and frazzled? Just wanted to hear if we've been "blessed" or something else lol.

N.B. - he is going for speech therapy for several months, so communication has been slow but progressing and we were told he's not on the spectrum
 
@paloma22 Honestly, I had a really hard time until he was 5. I admittedly liked the 2-3 years phase better than the infant phase, but I didn’t feel like I really enjoyed parenting until my son was in school. I was not a stay at home mom, so it wasn’t that there was separation where there hadn’t been. It was the fact that he could communicate well, he ate normal foods at meal time, he was fully potty trained and wiped his own butt, and didn’t need naps anymore, didn’t need half the house packed to go out either. Being nap trapped was a huge issue for me in terms of feeling like I had autonomy. So 5 was what was good for me.
 
@reporter94 Yes! Agreed. Wiping their own butt is a HUGE GAMECHANGER but I have to pay attention because mine has this gross tendency to "forget" to wash her hands.

Also, F norovirus
 
@paloma22 We are at almost 2 and there’s a lot of this behavior but it’s balanced out by her being extremely funny 😂. One thing that helped me was to figure out what behaviors I could adapt to or be ok with in a certain way. So one thing she started doing a few weeks ago was during the bedtime routine she would climb up onto her changing table (this is because I let her watch a YouTube video of old McDonald had a farm when I change her diaper to make a diaper change possible so she thought if she climbed up there she could delay bedtime) for a few nights I pulled her off every time she tried to climb up, physically blocked her from it, which resulted in a full on meltdown and me super frustrated. Since then, I let her climb up there with me keeping her safe and then just finish the bedtime routine with her sitting on her changing table (reading books, brushing teeth). She then can watch the video one more time right before she goes in the crib. It has made it so much less stressful and removed the power struggle. I’m not sure that advice is applicable in your situation but solidarity with you in the stress of a climbing toddler!
 
@phebe12 This is what I do too, I affectionately call it lazy parenting - figuring out what rules I actually need to be strict about to keep her safe, and letting go of/adapting to most other things that are normal child behavior. Since there are only a few rules in our house she knows that if there is a rule about something, she will have to follow it (bc I actually have the energy to patiently enforce it), and that it's important.

As an example from OP's post, my daughter also spills water all over during the bath, so I put a towel down on the floor and just let her splash. But, she knows she is not allowed to stand up in the bath, because it's a safety hazard so I'm very strict about it and if she stands up it means the bath will immediately end. When I was trying to also stop her from splashing it was just too many rules and she got frustrated and wouldn't follow any of them without a huge meltdown, so I let go of the rule about splashing and that was when I actually got her to follow the rule about not standing up.
 
@katrina2017 That’s not lazy parenting. That’s very emotional intelligent parenting to suspend frustrations/annoyances and see big picture.

Small problems vs big problems.
 
@paloma22 I’ve heard 6 is when things get… easy. For me, 0-3 months were ☹️ and the feeding from 6-15 months were 😩. Colic and all the food mess just killed me.

I want to validate that you have a high energy kid. My 2 year old listens to directions well and isn’t super disruptive. He has tantrums (and that for sure might get worse) and he runs around A LOT, but your little guy seems to be demanding. That’s amazing, by the way; his brain is processing all the time and he sounds super curious. But as a parent, yes, that sounds tough.
 
@jumping13 Thanks for validating this. I see other 2 year olds and toddlers, and them to really have a much calmer persona and "get it", whereas my son only listens when he seems to want to LOL.

Yes, I try to vocalize to my husband too about how it's good he's curious and there's new brain development happening, but DAMN - he just can't sit still! He'll sit down and stay put only if we put the TV on, and how many hours can we have him just plopped there?

He's a GREAT eater; he'll try anything once, which is great.

He's great at making my coffee in the morning; he even picks my mug!

I'm just having a hard time, and I don't have a "village" to help either.
 
@paloma22 💯 we also don’t have a village so the high energy times are… stressful. My husband works from home and I’m the primary caretaker two days a week. My son also doesn’t sit still but he doesn’t scream or get disruptive. He does need constant engagement so when I need to do something briefly, my husband comes out to watch him.

I hate to add clutter to your life, but how many toys do you have? Our house is just filled to the brim with toys but it really helps keep him engaged. We also hide certain toys and rotate to keep them high value. This morning we: read, colored, sorted, made necklaces, stacked, threw discs in a basket (all from home… it’s -10 outside). If I didn’t have all those options, I think we would both lose our minds. And honestly, it’s still not enough. We go out all the time.

So, yes, you’ve got a high energy kid, but I wonder if it’s possible to capitalize on that energy for productive activities. Also… speaking to a village — do you guys have daycare for him? Are you a SAHP?

ETA — I love those activities he does do, by the way. You sound like you ARE capitalizing on his curiosities. So if none of those suggestions are helpful, please disregard 😅
 
@jumping13 No, I am not a SAHP and neither is my husband. We both work M-F, 9-4PM jobs, and my in-laws help watching my son. They are up there in age, so my son's energy is really taking a toll on them as well. My son does go to speech therapy 3 days a week, so that helps, but it's only 30 minutes at a time. It does help to break up the day, and he loves it so much!

We also color, use chalk on the walls (I let go and allow this), use stickers, read books, play with stacking blocks, water play in the sink, and etc. etc. We have toys everywhere; I am FAO Schwartz lol! We actually started to weed out the toys that actually overly stimulate him and those toys that he just throws around. It's like a cleanse lol. We LOVES outside, so I let him play in the dirt and do whatever really; I'm super flexible and try not to say "no" too often, unless it's not safe.

I guess we need more "quiet" or calming toys that he can enjoy? It's just hard trying to be creative all the time...
 
@paloma22 Lol mine cannot stay in a seat unless she's strapped in it. Otherwise she's moving between each bite, running around the room, smearing her food in the carpet to see how it looks, or running in circles. She is never still, either, even when she's strapped in she is constantly moving and fidgeting. I have ADHD, my sister has adhd, and I'm starting to think my daughter may have it too 🤦‍♀️
 
@paloma22 Sounds like my kid. He's four and a half and definitely one of the more rambunctious ones in his pre-k class. I joke that he is three kids in one. He NEVER stops talking, has meltdowns over every little thing lately, and is too sassy for his own good. He is the sweetest little boy though, and always giving hugs and asking everyone how their day is going. He's always been somewhat "difficult" based on what I see from other kids his age. I will say that things have gotten progressively better over time, so there's hope!
 
@paloma22 It sounds like pretty normal behavior! They're not really old enough to "listen" or be able to remember to follow a lot of rules at this age, which makes it difficult. I really liked the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, really helped me understand my toddler's behavior and it gives helpful and practical scripts for a lot of different situations.
 
@paloma22 My daughter does not let us talk. So I tried telling her that she needs to tap my hand and say "excuse me" if she's trying to get my attention while me and dad are talking. Well, every two seconds I hear "excuse me, excuse me" lol. Solidarity my friend.

Two nights ago while my daughter was getting water everywhere during her bath, she decided it was also funny to take this little fishing pole toy she has with a hard plastic bobber/ball on the end and whip it at me as hard as she can. She hit my arm and left a huge welt. I never scream, but I was screaming. She was laughing.

She wants to play and I play with her bc I love her and do enjoy playing with her. I love her so freakin much. But then after 30 min of direct attention I tell her I need to do some chores now, and even warned her of the 30 min play time only because I have chores after, and she freaks out and does this loud whining scream that literally breaks the sound barrier.

you are not alone
 
@paloma22 Me!! I find the first half of the year the hardest (November baby so til May ish shes always hard work!) but boy has 2 been something else! She's always been a high needs kid but I dread everything because she makes it into such a fight! I've worked in childcare all my adult life, I've dealt with all sorts of kids but Jesus christ, living with one is hard work!

I try to change her nappy, she cries. Give her food, she cries. Take her for a walk, she cries. Play the games she has asked me to play, she cries. She throws anything she doesnt want, leaves any situation she does not want to be in, doesn't nap, doesn't ever sit still. I'm typing this after an hour of getting her to sleep where we have all lost our shit!!!!
 
@paloma22 There were nice moments of 4 but mine just turned 5 and is going through a terrible stubborn and not listening phase that is driving me nuts. Solidarity. 2 thru 5 is hard.
 
@paloma22 Yes, this was frustrating and fearful for me too. I thought, adhd for sure or something.

I just had to drastically lower expectations. Think, white carpets, white walls, magazine clean home prior to my son- nah not reality for a child. Yep, so your son wants to use the sofa to build a cubby, big deal. Likes to splash water and experiment, right… outside we go. The drawing/painting, get wash off stuff and put paper up everywhere.

The brains logical compartment doesn’t switch on until 3.5/4 years. Perhaps give Erik Erikson a a read on child development, same with equilibrium/disequilibrium stages.

I’m really glad I took the advice of a doctor and didn’t try to ‘dull’ this stage down as it’s important to have a bright happy determined child. Dulling their sparkle by trying to get them to fit into your idea of a perfect life isn’t fair.

This stage is temporary. The projection of stress and anxiety on kids is very real, it’s devastating. You can stop it by changing your expectations of what a child should be like at this age.

My son is 4 now and completely sensible, listens and predictable.
 
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