I “make too much” to qualify for state assistance but too poor to afford food/bills?

[johnd1987]

Hi everyone. I guess I just need to vent here. I am a you g single mother, 24 years old with a 10 month old son. I work 40 hours a week, I make $15.40 an hour. Sometimes I even work 50-60 hours to get some overtime in to help.. But I am physically exhausted when I do this, and it also takes even more time away from my son which I HATE. I pay $200 a week for childcare so I can work. I have a $311 car payment a month, (I need it to get to and from work, bring my son to daycare) and I unfortunately had to move out of my apartment and move back in with my mom because my sons “father” wasn’t helping me at all so he’s out of the picture and I pay $600/mo for rent to live with my mom until I can get back on my feet. I’ve tried to get some help for childcare and food stamps even though I don’t want state help but I’m really struggling especially since I don’t receive child support. (I have a restraining order on my sons father and it’s for both my son and I for domestic abuse) I tried to apply for assistance and was denied because I “make too much” to qualify. But I don’t make enough to afford it I’m just scraping by basically. I guess what I’m trying to do is get some reassurance that everything will be okay because I don’t know how many single parents do this with multiple kids never mind just having 1!! I even get frustrated as to how some people that I know personally can get all sorts of state help and they make more money than me and their kids are all older yada yada. I just don’t think it’s fair! Ugh

 

[katrina2017]

@johnd1987 I don't know how you're doing it. After a phone bill and car insurance you literally have no money for gas or groceries or anything. This is a garbage situation and I'm so sorry. I was in the same boat and thankfully got a raise but it's still tight.

 

[johnd1987]

@katrina2017 That too! Car insurance is outrageous I’m in New Hampshire and we aren’t required to have it but I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I have it. And my phone bill is $100/mo. Obviously I need a phone because of my child. It’s crazy! I’ve even tried looking for another job but nothing pays more than what I currently make so it’s not worth it to me.

 

[vince07713]

@johnd1987 Try getting a cheaper phone bill? My phone bill is only 35 bucks a month through cricket.

 

[theresiaw]

@vince07713 Was just going to suggest this - I pay $30/mo with cricket and it’s awesome

 

[katrina2017]

@johnd1987 Have you petitioned the court to garnish baby daddy for support?

 

[tentin]

@katrina2017 This

 

[zelda11]

@johnd1987 Hey! I'm in NH too. And also struggling with the same things you are. I barely make enough to get by, but I don't qualify for ANY sort of assistance. I constantly feel like I'm living on the edge of disaster. And the cost of living up here is OUTRAGEOUS. The only reason I didn't have to move back in with my parents is because my ex husband and I owned a two family house before we got divorced and I rented out the bottom half to my brother so that pays a huge chunk of my mortgage (I'm paying like $500 after he gives me rent). Otherwise I wouldn't be able to live on my own.

You're incredible for making it this far though. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I have no idea. I have to believe it does though. It HAS to. Keep chugging along, one day at a time. I'm not sure what kind of job you have, but I got into insurance out of college and surprisingly, there are a ton of decent, entry level jobs around here working for different insurance agencies. You could probably negotiate slightly more than what you're making now. And every insurance job I've had is just weekdays, usually a 37.5 - 40 hr work week. I'm sorry, I literally have no other advice just commiseration.

ETA: do we have the same ex? Lol I just read your comment below - my ex ALSO has three kids with three different women (one he claims isn't his). Man, dead beat dads are the worst

 

[johnd1987]

@agapeos1080 Thanks!

 

[agapeos1080]

@johnd1987 Definitely! I was in a similar situation. I only get $62/month in child support and when I reapplied for food stamps online I was told I didn’t qualify, but I couldn’t include a car payment or insurance on the form. I called my caseworker and she walked me through how to file an expense report. I didn’t get a ton, but a few hundred bucks toward food can make a huge difference.

 

[tbest]

@johnd1987 Having a restraining order shouldn't get your ex off the hook for financially supporting his child. If you don't have a lawyer, contact your state attorney general's office--they usually have a child support division that can help you file for child support. He'll be ordered to pay it through the state and they'll direct deposit to you, no contact required.

 

[johnd1987]

@tbest He has 3 other children with 2 other women and doesn’t pay child support. What he does is gets a job, once they start taking child support from him he quits and finds another job until the system catches up to him again and he just repeats the cycle. He avoids it. He’s a scum he doesn’t want to support any of his children yeah it would be helpful for sure but I doubt I’ll ever see a penny from him

 

[tbest]

@johnd1987 At least get the order. The state will keep track of how much he owes you each month and you will be able to go after him for that money if he ever gets a stable job. In my state they start arresting people when their arrears amount hits a certain level.

 

[johnd1987]

@tbest I didn’t even know he had other children until after I had my son. Funny.

 

[godson4life2010]

@johnd1987 Also what are you driving for a car? $310 is pretty expensive for a car payment if you don’t make a lot of money. Have you considered refinancing or selling and purchasing something cheaper?

 

[johnd1987]

@godson4life2010 I have a 2014 Toyota rav 4. I have had it since August 2017 so I had it before my son and just haven’t thought about getting a different vehicle

 

[godson4life2010]

@johnd1987 I’d def consider selling it and purchasing maybe a 2007 rav4 or camry. You can get one relatively cheap and as you know, they are very reliable. There is no need for a 2014 when you can’t make ends meet.

Two years ago I lent my sis my 2008 Accord and it was totaled. I financed half the cost of a 2015 Civic and paid 275 a month, only to have the tranny die. So I sold it and bought an 05 Accord for $3500. It will need repairs but as long as you get a used vehicle inspection before purchasing you can save yourself a tone of money every month.

 

[emamason]

@johnd1987 It does suck, but it does get better. Soon your kiddo will age up and get into a level of preschool that isn't so expensive. You'll pay off the car eventually. If you little is on formula or anything, they'll get older and off of that expensive stuff and can eat real people food which is nice. Someday, you won't have to buy diapers and wipes and whoa will that help.

So, yes, it sucks and it's hard but we do it because we have to... And it will eventually get better. It's gonna suck for a while, but it won't always. Hang in there, lady.

 

[godson4life2010]

@johnd1987 You can save some money on your phone plan by switching to straight talk for $55 a month.

Im surprised you don’t qualify because I live in Maine and make $15 an hour and qualify for some ebt and child care subsidy.

 

[johnd1987]

@godson4life2010 You’re lucky! I don’t know why they say I’m over the income limit.