I’m sick and tired of being told “JuSt GEt up BeForE tHe KiDs”

[johncraddock]

@dmurrayfly Sleep is sooo important. I am also in surviving mode with 3 little ones. Just survive day byday, and in a few years we will be able to sleep!!

 

[nodemonsallowed]

@dmurrayfly This just doesn’t work. I could theoretically “get up” an hour before my kids should be up and my one year old would just be up an hour earlier.

You’re in a season where finding time to do those things alone is difficult. It’s exhausting but I promise it won’t last forever. When my older kids hit around 4 & 6 the time was definitely easier to come by and plan around because they were sleeping regular hours. With young toddlers it’s just unpredictable and impractical.

I try not to plan anything around my one year olds sleep schedule to save myself the frustration because it hardly ever works out.

 

[greensto]

@dmurrayfly You’re such a good mom. Don’t listen to the Witch In Law.

 

[baseballmom8]

@dmurrayfly Girl with those wake times that advice is not for you. Ooooof

 

[allloving]

@dmurrayfly Hang in there mama, it gets better. I promise! I have two kids with a similar age gap and was juggling a lot when they were as old as yours now. We're all doing the best we can with the means we have at our disposal and some days that just isn't a lot. And that's OK. You're a good mama and you'll get through it.

If I may offer 1 bit of practical advice? At 3,5 yo (my youngest is now that age), you can get them an "alarm clock". We have a cute little bear that doubles as a night light. You simply program it to a (realistic) time, let's say 6h30. At 6h, it will start glowing orange, then at 6h30, the light turns green. We tell the kids they're only allowed to call out for us when the light is green (they have water bottles in their rooms and are able to go to the bathroom by themselves). These night lights/alarm clocks exist in different forms, friends of ours have a little bunny that opens its eyes at the pre-programmed time. They can be a life saver for that little extra bit of rest in the morning.

Hang in there!

 

[johnboy0791]

@dmurrayfly I am reading this while my 4 yr old is screaming poopy words at my 9 month old. My ears are ringing and i havent had any coffee yet. Im here in solidarity with you! Fuck waking up early haha

 

[dmurrayfly]

@johnboy0791 For real!! My 3.5yo woke me up at 3:15 to tell me she threw up then she wouldn’t go back to sleep so she had some tablet time while I cleaned up the mess and as soon as I finished, my 1yo woke up.

 

[stunninglook3]

@dmurrayfly Someday, they’ll be grown, and you can sleep. But I’m not gonna say you’re gonna miss this - cause you sure won’t! You aren’t alone, mama. It sucks. You’re allowed to hate it. Rant on!

 

[fidelibus]

@dmurrayfly 90% of the time if I’m up before my kid, she hears me & is ready to start the day. It’s like she’s listening for me in the morning.

I normally shower at night because of this, but one day I tried to sneak in a shower. Nope. She woke up. Told her I was getting in the shower…. ‘I’m scared.’ So no shower by myself I guess.

 

[garmentsofpraise]

@dmurrayfly THIS!!! Thank you! My son even gets up late like 730! I just can't do it. His bedtime is anywhere between 1030 and 11...bedtime is a nightmare and we try to get him down earlier. By the time I go to bed, it's like midnight. I wake up at 6 for work. He wakes up 1-2 times a night...he eventually sleeps with us and kicks and tosses and turns all night. I envy people who's kids go to bed at like 7 and stay asleep until 7. Not mine! He does nap for 1 hour a day and I have to lay with him until he falls asleep too. No break.

 

[amotz]

@dmurrayfly I’ve never had anyone suggest this to me before, but if I did, as your MIL & mom do I would say “great, is this your offer to sleep over tonite? You can do all the night time wake ups and I’ll feel rested enough to wake up before you! Thanks mom! ”

lol you’re doing nothing wrong OP. Kids are feral animals and I think people get confused by “routine” - yes we the adult can DO the routine but we can’t force / have little control over how well the kid takes to it.

Also, your kids are a bit older and are probably sleeping more than they did as a baby, but they also DO so much more during the day and to me, we’re truly more exhausting. So I was confused when I was just as tired if not more than the baby stage. Like yeah I wasn’t up 3-4 times a night warming up a bottle and doing diaper changes but damn I’m still exhausted.

I hope you get some actual good responses of what to say back to mom and MIL. And can be snarky to them and remind them that they probably just closed the door and drank a glass of wine and smoked their evening cigarette at 7pm then reappeared at 7am after you had screamed and fallen asleep on your own for the last 12 hours. lol my mom likes to give m advice sometimes then I have to remind her she literally smoked cigarettes while pregnant. But ok, please tell me more about this amazing rice cereal that helped me sleep 12 hours a night

Solidarity OP!

 

[plimer_billo]

@dmurrayfly I have a unicorn baby who pretty consistently (for now) sleeps through the night and wakes up between 6-7am and I still don’t get up before her because I value my sleep more than some quiet time in the morning. You’re doing great and eventually this season will pass and you’ll have time to do more things for yourself as the kids get older and more independent! This sounds really really hard though and I’m sending you lots of love

 

[jhardy]

@dmurrayfly I get up at 3:30 to do my doctoral hw before work. It's a straught up toss up if my 2yr old will wake up when I do, during my hw, or magically sleep through. I feel the pain

 

[nikkileake]

@dmurrayfly Also my kid and/or dog instantly open their eyes when I try to wake up before them and then we are all tired and cranky who wants that? I feel the struggle and honestly I think people who give that advice forgot how the early phases were or were just lucky.

 

[syndiseok]

@dmurrayfly 19 years of being a mom and I’ve never gotten up before them unless I had to. I like my sleep.
I have a good friend who gets up at 4:30/5am everyday- her kids are 11,13 & 16. I’m like, WHY?!? But I get that everyone is different.

I know this doesn’t help but it gets easier I promise. It feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is so far right now, I get it. But one day things will just shift!

 

[pjordan]

@syndiseok I love being an early bird, and maybe when my son actually sleeps through the night in his own room I might consider waking up at 5ish again but there is no way I’m sacrificing the little bit of inconsistent sleep I get now with my 16 month old!

 

[lindylu]

@dmurrayfly I did not have the energy to get up before my kids until they were older. You’re still in the weeds when it’s hardest and kinda sucks sometimes. Maybe a grandparent can relieve you for a few hours a week for some you time? Also a lot of gyms have childcare included in a family membership although your kiddos may have to be 2 and up for that probably depends on the gym.

 

[sandyo]

@dmurrayfly This is what we deal with too, same bedtime, inconsistent wake up times…and do you know what happened the one time I actually did manage to wake up before her? She woke up as soon as I was out of bed because she heard me moving around…and then I had to deal with her for an extra 40 minutes that morning. I bet if I had stayed in bed she would have slept a little longer. People love to give advice as if every kid on the planet works the same way. They DONT. Some kids are a lot more work than others. People should just mind their own motherhood.

 

[m0eseph]

@dmurrayfly I also have a 3.5 year old that I can count on one hand the amount of times she’s slept through the night. She also wakes up throughout the night and comes to “sleep” in our bed. I’ve lost that battle cause when I did try to keep her in her own bed I went literally insane from sleep deprivation. My husband also has PTSD (military) and the accompanying insomnia, anger issues, stress overload among other things. He also has a 5am alarm. The only ‘no kid time’ I get is when he puts her down for bed (8) until she wakes up the first time (11-12). There are often times I feel like a single parent in my marriage but that’s mainly the fact that daughter prefers dragging me around. I’ve had the same “advice” and like you I physically cannot sacrifice any sleep or i will physically become ill (I’ve tried many times). And his alarm is when I gotta get her back to sleep. I know it’ll get better but right now I hate people that give unwarranted advice.

 

[tahoebob]

@dmurrayfly Until you get a full nights rest getting up before the kids isn’t something to strive for. Some kids sleep through the night and others don’t. Rest first, then incorporate movement and activities with the kids around.