Husband + cosleeping. Help.

[liwinedivas]

Most of the week, I cosleep in our spare room with my 9 month old. She’s not a great sleeper and still wakes every 3ish hours at night to nurse. My husband is very sweet and often talks about missing having me in our shared bed, so we’re doing shared bed on the weekends when we can both afford to be a extra sleepy due to baby waking both of us instead of just me.

Issue is that he’s such a grump when he’s sleepy. It feels like 3/4s of the day is a pity party where he has a bad attitude because he’s tired, but he forgets that I’m running off of the same amount of sleep (likely less since I’m the one responsible for baby at night).

I honestly don’t have any desire to sleep in the same bed at all given his mood the next day. I’d rather sleep alone with baby and have a functioning human for a spouse lol. Is this inconsiderate of me? Do I put up with the bad mood to satisfy him wanting us in the same bed, or do I get happy husband back but tell him I can’t sleep with him? And how do I tell him this without making him feel inadequate?

 

[favourfelix]

@liwinedivas How about just sharing a weekend nap?

 

[liwinedivas]

@favourfelix Husband and I aren’t nappers, but we can def try to do more snuggling while reading on the couch or something!

 

[favourfelix]

@liwinedivas My husband and I have been getting into a lot of bickering matches lately (he’s been away a lot for work.) Today he drove back from a neighboring state and picked us up from visiting my sister and niece for two weeks. 5mo Baby and I joined Dada for a medical appointment, hit an oyster bar for fun, came home and when baby seemed content for a few minutes in his bouncy seat I initiated some snogging and we really needed that.

I have had a great time being my baby’s mom, I am not suffering! But i am constantly on call and I never knew how much faster you can use up your batteries when you’re never allowed to turn off. My husband hasn’t been with us for much of this early stage and doesn’t quite understand the value of a shower taken waiting for baby to cry and hoping you can shower fast enough to tend to him beforehand or ditto for using the toilet or getting food. Don’t even think about a whole load of dishes or folding a whole load of laundry or cleaning anything more thoroughly than a quick wipe. Not long after we were finished, the baby started fussing but not intensely and I was hungry and wanted a minute to finish unclenching completely from the stress of being away from home/being in annoying arguments with husband and enjoy that we were finally home. Husband urged me to ‘hurry! He’s hungry and I want to take a nap!’ and at first I hopped to- but then I kinds felt my ass clench back up and thought, ‘oh man, now I gotta start over on the relaxation,’ and explained that, ‘hey, it’s okay for me to be the one whose needs come first 1 of every ~20 times or so. I know he’s tired and probably a little hungry but he’s okay and he’ll probably give me a little more time if you get up and walk around with him til I’m done unclenching my arse.’ And he got that! He came in and played with baby, who laughed and fussed a little ~5 minutes later but that was all I needed to get to prepare my snack and fizzy water before our nursing session and contact nap.

 

[annae]

@liwinedivas This is honestly such a short season but no it would not be worth it for me to put up with a pissy husband because he wants to sleep in the same bed but can’t hang. I would keep the current sleep situation and explore other ways you can exercise intimacy with one another!