HoW WiLl I hIdE tHaT i'M nOt DrInKiNg

[ayrus87]

I am in my first long cycle off bc and yesterday I started experiencing some spotting 9 dpo. I am going out this weekend with friends and I was coming up with a bunch of ways to hide my "definite pregnancy." It involved having my husband fake a headache so we have to leave early. Well AF arrived in full force today so never mind. Cycle is all out of whack.

 

[katrina2017]

@ayrus87 Honestly, I've just been being honest with my close friends since we started and had to stop temporarily due to health concerns. I want to normalize the knowledge of how long it can take to conceive and I'll be sharing miscarriages with them as well. I'm the first in our friend group to be ready for kids, so hopefully the knowledge of what I'm going through helps them through their own processes when they're ready.

They're aware that I won't drink except when I'm actively on my period and have been super respectful of that.

 

[ayrus87]

@katrina2017 I totally get that. It takes a load of pressure off. My best friends know I'm trying and it really helps. Knowing their fertility struggles has helped me have mostly reasonable expectations as well. This group is from work and some people I haven't met before so I didn't feel comfortable sharing with them.

I wish you all of the luck in the universe!

 

[katrina2017]

@ayrus87 That totally makes sense! If you are into fitness, another excuse is you're working on your diet and found that drinking has been increasing your delayed onset muscle soreness, so you're trying out being dry for a bit to see if that helps the recovery process.

Unless they're also into fitness, nobody asks questions about what any of that means, they just sorta nod at it.

 

[bkchristian]

@ayrus87 Are you drinking at a bar? Try and get there early and order a cranberry juice or coke in a short bar glass, they will think it has vodka in it. Slowly sip it all night and don’t order a second as you are driving (pay for it before people arrive so they don’t notice a $1.50 bill lol)
If you are drinking at someone’s house, have a drink in a can like a beer or a cider. Open one and casually dip into the kitchen or bathroom when no one is looking, dump it and fill the can with water

These are the ideas I have planned for when the time comes haha

 

[zionpeter]

@bkchristian That sounds like a lot of work for something very few people will care about. I quit drinking for a year, and you'd be surprised at how few people notice you're not drinking. Unless you tell them, then they have a lot to say about it. I learned quickly to keep it to myself, all the people I was close with knew what was up.

At the very worst, a rumor spreads that you may be pregnant.

 

[bkchristian]

@zionpeter Yeah that’s exactly what I don’t want. I am very nervous about not being able to get pregnant and to have friends constantly thinking I was pregnant for not drinking would be too stressful for me. It’s worth a little effort to not have questions and assumptions, and to be able to tell people when I am ready. And i Brought a tea out instead of a drink at a friends house this summer and every single person asked why I wasn’t drinking.. so yeah

 

[fruty]

@bkchristian Same here... My in-laws are hosting a beer tasting for all three kids + partners this weekend, and I'm so torn. Hubs let it slip (in front of both his sisters and his mom overheard! I was not happy after...) in May that we were trying, so now his mom is watching me at every social event. At his sister's wedding in August, she saw me with a glass of champagne and whispered "I guess no baby yet huh" and I just really don't want to have that stress on me? I have a really good feeling about this month but I'm still a week out from AF...

 

[bkchristian]

@fruty Ugh I’m so sorry, it just adds so much pressure doesn’t it? Xoxo

 

[fruty]

@bkchristian It really does. Thanks

 

[saskia]

@bkchristian Dumping and refilling with water- that is a good one!

 

[bkchristian]

@katrina2017 I appreciate this. So many people think everyone gets pregnant the second they start trying, I wish it was more well known how long it can take

 

[nadine777]

@katrina2017 Same here - not announcing to everyone but definitely my close friends. For the most part it's actually been super helpful because instead of questions that are prying and hurtful when TTC they ask how it's going and how I'm/we're handling it and if we need anything.

Also the first one trying in my group of friends and one of my friends decided to ditch BC to get reacquainted with her cycle as a result of the open conversations about it. She's not planning on having kids for a while but knew she had issues before going on BC and really appreciated the heads up that 1) it can take a while for your body to adjust after coming off it, and 2) you may be able to see indications of symptoms that would suggest potential fertility issues ahead of time by tracking your cycle symptoms.

I think these conversations are super important. We literally grow up thinking it's super easy to have a baby and it's really not. It's a total mind fuck and if we don't change the conversations about it, mental health of those TTC is going to continue to suffer. It can really put you in a dark place that's hard to come out of.

 

[hammertime33]

@katrina2017 Wow, I wish I had the strength to do the same. But I worry too much that all my friends who already have children had no problem conceiving and all those who don't yet, will also have no problems. I am scared that even if this isn't the case, if I am the only one to admit to issues, I will be the one people talk about behind my back with pity, because that's what people are like back where I come from.

 

[katrina2017]

@hammertime33 You know your people better than I do, but in terms of talking about mental health and personal struggles, it turned out that with my people everyone's so afraid of the judgement they'll face that they don't feel like they can even talk about the things that are hard for them. Having me being the slightly annoying oversharer has made everyone feel way more comfortable talking about their struggles with each other.

That being said, my husband's older sisters are definitely the suffer in silence and take their anger out on everyone else in the neighborhood who might be seen as having it easier than them with gossip, so both sides can be very valid approaches.

 

[bldssphq]

@katrina2017 Me too! I love this. I'm one of the first in my group of friends too, so I'm doing the same thing. So many of them think it'll happen first try since you never hear about the months of frustration, so it's such a great thing to do.

 

[gnpccanada]

@ayrus87 Husband and I have been telling people we're doing a "Sober October". He's a trooper for going along for the gag with me

 

[ayrus87]

@gnpccanada Haha! Sober October, No drink November, Dry December, Just say no January. I'll probably do that eventually when it actually happens.

 

[gnpccanada]

@ayrus87 My sister and BIL faked an intense new diet that cuts out all alcohol! Nobody questioned it until she started showing. Where there is a will, there is a way!

 

[katrina2017]

@gnpccanada In my former life, I was a yoga instructor. My plan is to say I'm on a yoga cleanse and bore people with details.