How to tell my parents about the guy I’m seeing is 7 years older?

[ansres]

So I (F22) have been seeing a guy (M29) for almost 4 months. He’s fantastic treats me right, doesn’t sugar coat anything for me, has good clear communication and listens to me. (When I’m having problems and he helps me work through them.) My parents are 6 months apart at 43 years old. I really like this man he has shown me that he doesn’t want me just because I’m younger than him. We’ve been talking about telling my parents but they told me even dating a 27 year old is wrong. My parents are caring and want to make sure I make the right decision but I live with them and I’m afraid if I tell them I’ve been seeing him they’ll either make me stop seeing him or kick me out. How can I tell them and get them to understand where I’m coming from?

 

[shanelg94]

@ansres If you’re old enough to date a 29 year old you’re old enough to woman up and tell them!

 

[yaadede]

@ansres My partner and I have a bigger age gap.. I lied to my parents that he was younger then he was.. like 2 years down so didn't sounds too bad but it was still a big one. Parents weren't a fan of the age I told them and were even more angry when they found out his real age (he told them) because he knew it was the appropriate thing to do, they got angry that I lied. I regret lieing and not telling then straight up. 5 years later we're still together and my family absolutely LOVE HIM. They weren't too sure about how they felt about our age gap but the more they saw us together and got to know my partner the more they saw how genuine our love, relationship and he is. If ur family love u they'll put up with all the choices u make in life and try their best to support ur journey. Just because it's different to theirs they'll learn something from urs. My partner and I also have a baby.. my mum went on about how we should wait to have a baby because she waited until she was late 20' - early 30's, I had my baby at 23 & didn't listen because we wanted a baby sooner.. now she's like completely inlove with her granddaughter. Just do you!! Do what makes u happy.. !! Just tell ur family the truth. 7years isn't even that big of an age gap haha.

 

[katrina2017]

@ansres I'd just have them all meet without telling his age. If they like him, they'll still like him when they find out he's 29. Hopefully their first question won't be how old is he, and they get a chance to feel him out without that bias.

I have a theory that anything over a 10 year gap won't last because the generation gap means you don't have similar enough back stories to relate long term, and you will never really be in the same life stage. Obviously you need to ratchet up to that, an 18 year old should not date an 8 year old. A 7 year gap is about max imo at 22, but not unreasonable.

Your parents might not agree, and they could kick you out. Hopefully you would get a chance to explain why you think he is good relationship material, and hopefully they would consider your perspective. Ultimately, though, this is part of being an adult, accepting the consequences of your actions. . . Whether or not you agree those consequences are reasonable.

I wouldn't risk losing a relationship with my daughter and future grandkids over a disagreement on a healthy age gap.

 

[hassel]

@ansres Well, our situation was a little different, my girl(now wife) wasn't living with her family, but we were 7 years apart(23f and 30m). The age difference mattered less to her family, it obviously matters more to yours, and that's understandable from a certain point of view. I would take a serious evaluation of your relationship, and what you both want out of it and make sure you're on the same page. If you are, then you should be able to talk to your family about it. If you're willing to bail on the guy if your parents find out, then maybe the relationship isn't that strong to begin with.

I would list out all of the benefits(shared values, future plans, etc.) that your relationship brings, and be prepared to talk to your parents about them. If he's on an upward projection in his life and your on board with him, they might be open to the idea. Hopefully, you're a mature woman for your age and know what you want and what he expects. Start there, and be prepared to work through some push-back from your parents without being disrespectful.

 

[barronkanetaylor]

@ansres Ok nothing wrong to this OP post, as my wife and I are 7 years apart.. if you find someone you can actually be truly happy with even their flaws then it's your choice.

Sure, introduce him to your parents and let them feel him out but at the end of the day it's just you 2 and your parents should understand this.

Yeah they will have their own opinions as anyone should have. I'd say talk to what ever parent seems reasonable first lol

They may feel weird about this since its "their house their rules", kinda thing and I bet they will say that.

 

[dmk]

@ansres So there is a legit math equation for max age difference in romantic relationships. It's half the older person's age plus 7 years. It sounds silly but I have had several long-term relationships with large age discrepancies and it is spot on. Your age gap makes the cut, so...

 

[realdocs950]

@ansres You’re an adult. It’s not up to them. If he’s a good guy and actually treats you the way you want and deserve then who cares how old he is. My parents are 10 years apart. They’ve been married for 26 years this year