How long is this going to take?

gem54

New member
We found out our babies heart stopped beating this Friday. The previous Friday I had an ultrasound that showed him about a week behind(about 6.5 weeks instead of almost 8), and with a slow heart rate of 96. Everyone assured me his heart had just started beating and that this was a great sign, but I just had a feeling. US a week later confirmed my suspicions. His heart had stopped beating. She said the yolk sack was not yet deflated so it had likely JUST happened.

I left the private ultrasound, and went home. After sitting for a couple of hours I decided I water the tablet to speed things along. Sitting and waiting, knowing he was already gone inside of me for who knows how long sounded like torture. I called my ER ahead of time and asked if they would give it to me, and the nurse said yes.

We sat in the hospital for 9 hours. They preformed another ultrasound and confirmed once again that there was no heart beat. Finally, a PA came in and told me that after consulting with my OB, the would not provide me the pill or schedule a D&C. It’s a catholic hospital in the south, which I’m sure has something to do with it. My emotions were high and I got pretty angry with her. She was essentially implying that they weren’t comfortable “terminating the pregnancy” because there was still a chance. I told her she should thank God that I wasn’t naive, because saying that to someone who didn’t know better would give them so much hope.

My intuition told me something was wrong. I’ve had no change in symptoms, no bleeding- nothing. And I was right. They’ve told me to keep my OB appt (scheduled on the 20th of January) and we’ll decide next steps then. Is it possible my body will hold on to the non viable baby for that long? I feel guilty, but I just want it to be over with. This is our third loss and I’m dreading the bleeding and pain.

I’d love some advice and stories, if y’all are willing to share. How long did your body hold onto a missed miscarriage? How do you advocate for yourself when you’re denied care?

Also a little advice- we did a clinical sneak leak a couple weeks ago and found out the baby was a boy- which my intuition also was nudging me towards. Don’t do it, wait for the scan. Knowing who he is makes this so, so, so much harder.
 
@gem54 I am sorry for your loss💛
I measured at 6-7 w at my 10w scan. Took 800mcg misoprostol (it failed) 1x vaginally in week 10 then got a d&c a week or two later.
I tried acupuncture prior to d&c but that didnt work.

My advice is to get mifepristone AND misoprostol. Mifi is considered the abortion pill as it does something to your progesterone to stop the growth. Since our bodies in MMC don’t recognize the baby has no heartbeat mifi can help signal the loss to our body. Mifi can significantly help expel a lost fetus.

I wish i knew this option prior to the D&C. Its a very safe surgery but i still fear scar tissue and infertility (a very very very low chance and not a reasonable fear statistically but i seem to beat the odds in the worst ways when it comes to pregnancy).
 
@gem54 Are there any planned parenthood’s where you live or within driving distance? I too wouldn’t feel comfortable waiting that long. I am so sorry this is happening and I am so sorry you were treated this way by the hospital - the amount of delusion and dishonesty is abhorrent. Wishing you the best and sending love and good thoughts.
 
@gem54 I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m also terribly sorry that you weren’t able to access the care you absolutely need and deserve. It’s gut wrenching.

My MMC passed about 2 weeks after the heart had stopped beating. It was a huge sense of relief when that happened, the limbo is a horrible stage.
 
@gem54 I'm sorry for your loss. Here's the timeline for my MMC (just about this time last year). Baby stopped developing between 5 and 6 weeks (discovered at 8 weeks). Started bleeding (without meds) around 10 weeks and bled for almost 2 weeks without passing the gestational sac. Finally opted for a D&C just shy of 12 weeks.

So ... unfortunately, it can take a while if you wait it out. Any chance your OB will move up that appointment if you provide your hospital ultrasound results? As you know, heartbeat to no heartbeat is absolutely definitive -- there's no medical justification for more time if you want to take a more active approach to completing this miscarriage.
 
@gem54 It could take a long time. I carried for 5 weeks after my baby stopped growing and had no idea. I would recommend you get to another doctor who CAN schedule you for a d&c (it sounds like you are). Also look up th3 signs of infection as you are at risk for that every day your body holds on.

I will say that I ended up miscarrying on my own a few days after I found out and fully believe that was because my brain could tell my body that the baby was gone.
 
@gem54 I’m so sorry for your loss OP and also for your negative experience at the hospital. I do want to point out that although the nurse absolutely framed it in the wrong way, it’s not totally uncommon for OBs to need two scans 1-2 weeks apart (depending on how far along you are) to officially diagnose a miscarriage according to ACOG standards. Generally your OB will want to do one of those themselves. And those both need to be clinical, not private US. So it sounds like they are counting your ER scan as the first scan, and requiring a second confirmation. However this should have been explained to you appropriately, not with the judgement or false hope the nurse displayed. Also I think making you wait until January 20th for a confirmation scan, especially with you already being 9 weeks since lmp, is an inappropriately long wait.

I’d recommend calling your doctor and seeing if they could move your appointment up at all, explain how mentally distressing this is for you. I hate that anyone even has to explain this, but I think sometimes doctors see things so regularly that they forget. Miscarriage could become normalized, and they are not taking in to account the mental toll waiting this amount of time has on you. If your own OB won’t do it, might we worth calling around to other practices. So sorry 💔
 
@gem54 I’m so sorry for your loss. Like another commenter I carried my non viable pregnancy for 5 weeks (I was 11 weeks when it was discovered the baby hadn’t grown beyond 6) however my ultrasound did show I was starting to bleed in my uterus so I imagine I would’ve probably passed it within the next few days but I opted for a D&C the same day.
 
@gem54 I am just here to say how incredibly sorry I am for your loss and for this horrendous treatment. You deserve much better care. I think it is much too long to wait until the 20th. Can you see someone else or get a second opinion? I’ve had two MMC and I was so desperate to have the whole ordeal over as quickly as possible. It’s awful. I also agree on the gender. We found out with our last baby that he was a boy and we lost him at 13 weeks (mmc) he had passed somewhere after our 11 week scan. Knowing he was a little boy made it impossible. I’m now pregnant with a little girl and it’s just made all of it feel complicated. You are NOT alone. My thoughts are with you - I can so relate 💛
 
@gem54 So sorry that you are dealing with denied medical care on top of an already difficult situation! As far as how long it takes to pass, it really varies. Three of my losses are somewhat similar to yours (never measured more than like 6.5 or 7 weeks). First, started bleeding at what would have been 10 weeks from LMP and passed 5 days later. Second, started bleeding 9w1d and passed a week later. Third, bleeding 8w1d and passed 3 days later. So sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to find care soon if that’s what you want or if things don’t progress quickly on their own! I went with a d&c with my fourth loss that was farther along and bc I hadn’t started bleeding when I found out - I’m so grateful I didn’t have to wait that one out. Wishing you the best!
 
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