sissillee16
New member
It wouldn't let me cross-post this from r/Divorce...
I (39/M) and STBX (39/F) are currently separated and are pretty civil/amicable towards each other – if for nothing else so our son (9/M) doesn't have to be caught up in the middle of any BS.
This post is part rant but also part question of internet stranger’s opinions at the bottom. To provide a little back story – we were together 12yrs / married 10. She asked for divorce in summer of 2019, Feb of 2020 I moved out (yes, I know probably not the best thing but like I said we’ve been amicable about it all). COVID hit so the actual filing was held up. I will be serving the papers/getting it filed in the next week or two though.
Around April of 2020, by happenstance I found out that she had a “friend’ staying over one weekend – aside from the initial sting of her already sleeping with someone, I did my best to let that go because that was a weekend my son was staying with me (I know what she does on her kid-free time is not business). About a month after that though, I then find out she is in a relationship with a new guy. It turns out that this new guy had actually moved in. Now while this was happening, we still had not talked about/worked out the actual terms of the divorce (we had pretty much verbally agreed on some of the main things but still need to narrow down further details).
Over the course of the next 6-7 months there was some occasional drama but I’ll spare those details because this would be a loooong post – but in December 2020 (the day or two after Christmas) they broke it off and he moved out. Then at beginning of Feb 2021 she tested positive for COVID so she had to quarantine for the 14 days. Our son had to quarantine at her parents’ house - they watch him so we both can work full time – so since he was there when she tested positive, he had to stay put in order to prevent further exposure to him (he thankfully didn’t get it and is healthy).
So middle to end of February (once quarantine was over – approx. a month and half after she broke it off with the last guy) I find out through my son that she is now dating someone else. Again, what she does on her time is none of business but my son told me that this new guy has stayed the night a couple time already and is at the house pretty regularly (4-5 days out of the week / some of those are overnight). If you’ve read this far huzzah to you friend!
So the question, mainly for the parents out there, from this quasi-rant – She has had 3 different men come into my son’s life - 1 of which I can only speculate was just for some weekend fun but another was actually living there and the other is now there on a regular basis. If it doesn’t work out with this new guy and he longer comes around, how does she not see that this is not a stable environment for our son !? How can she say that “they know Son is my number one priority” – How can that be if you haven’t even given the relationship enough time to develop to ensure they’re not just be yanked out of our son’s life after 6/7/8 months !? It’s basically tells him “it doesn’t matter what anyone says/does for me, they won’t be around long enough anyway” – that’s not the example parents/role models should be setting for their kids.
Well I tried to not make this too long….Thanks for reading!
I (39/M) and STBX (39/F) are currently separated and are pretty civil/amicable towards each other – if for nothing else so our son (9/M) doesn't have to be caught up in the middle of any BS.
This post is part rant but also part question of internet stranger’s opinions at the bottom. To provide a little back story – we were together 12yrs / married 10. She asked for divorce in summer of 2019, Feb of 2020 I moved out (yes, I know probably not the best thing but like I said we’ve been amicable about it all). COVID hit so the actual filing was held up. I will be serving the papers/getting it filed in the next week or two though.
Around April of 2020, by happenstance I found out that she had a “friend’ staying over one weekend – aside from the initial sting of her already sleeping with someone, I did my best to let that go because that was a weekend my son was staying with me (I know what she does on her kid-free time is not business). About a month after that though, I then find out she is in a relationship with a new guy. It turns out that this new guy had actually moved in. Now while this was happening, we still had not talked about/worked out the actual terms of the divorce (we had pretty much verbally agreed on some of the main things but still need to narrow down further details).
Over the course of the next 6-7 months there was some occasional drama but I’ll spare those details because this would be a loooong post – but in December 2020 (the day or two after Christmas) they broke it off and he moved out. Then at beginning of Feb 2021 she tested positive for COVID so she had to quarantine for the 14 days. Our son had to quarantine at her parents’ house - they watch him so we both can work full time – so since he was there when she tested positive, he had to stay put in order to prevent further exposure to him (he thankfully didn’t get it and is healthy).
So middle to end of February (once quarantine was over – approx. a month and half after she broke it off with the last guy) I find out through my son that she is now dating someone else. Again, what she does on her time is none of business but my son told me that this new guy has stayed the night a couple time already and is at the house pretty regularly (4-5 days out of the week / some of those are overnight). If you’ve read this far huzzah to you friend!
So the question, mainly for the parents out there, from this quasi-rant – She has had 3 different men come into my son’s life - 1 of which I can only speculate was just for some weekend fun but another was actually living there and the other is now there on a regular basis. If it doesn’t work out with this new guy and he longer comes around, how does she not see that this is not a stable environment for our son !? How can she say that “they know Son is my number one priority” – How can that be if you haven’t even given the relationship enough time to develop to ensure they’re not just be yanked out of our son’s life after 6/7/8 months !? It’s basically tells him “it doesn’t matter what anyone says/does for me, they won’t be around long enough anyway” – that’s not the example parents/role models should be setting for their kids.
Well I tried to not make this too long….Thanks for reading!