How do you have time to do anything?

[romanticcode]

@babszie You're not making it overcomplicated. You are tired because it's tiring, exhausted because it's exhausting, finding no time because you have virtually no time!!
I'm currently 'in between jobs' ( I really do need to find something as savings will deplete otherwise ) but before this I was working full time with a 2 year old, partner working full time too and was on verge of a breakdown due to having a rough year with other things thrown in.
The best advice I was given (by my therapist!) Is if you are a working mom / parent, outsource as much as you possibly can.
I know it's difficult because depends on your budget but look at any way you can save time, as it's most precious.
House cleaner? Meal delivery or grocery delivery save time at the shops? Laundry service?
I also got a robot hoover and honestly it's so so useful to cut down on housework time.
Also re others comments, can you have some conversations with your partner?? Make sure your division of household labour and household admin is fair. It need to be equal if you are both working, and too often it's not

 

[johnuaapple1]

@babszie I workout at 6am every morning. If the kid wakes up, there's a parent there. That's what your husband is for. It's important for me and he understands that. Evenings are dinner and family time. I'm exhausted by the time the kids are asleep and want any time awake at that point to spend with my husband.

 

[yeshuagrl]

@babszie Is your office in relatively close proximity to a gym? Going during your lunch break might be your best bet.

 

[books1125]

@babszie Where is your husband? We alternate pick ups/drop offs, so whoever is not picking up from daycare is cooking dinner. That way, when our toddler gets home around 5:30-5:45, the one who stayed home has between 5:00-5:45ish to make dinner. We also switch off who cleans up dinner (usually whoever didn't cook) and the other one will go play with our son for a bit.

Honestly, what you described is very challenging to do alone (single parents, you are amazing!). If your husband isn't working, he should 100% be splitting the work you describe.

 

[clarkfford]

@babszie Here’s how I manage to take care of a baby, work, go to school, and exercise:

1. (This is the most important one) Have a partner who does 50% of the housework and childcare without being asked. We go back and forth each night with who does bedtime. He does laundry and cleans the bathroom without being prompted. He picks up after himself at the end of the day. Etc.
2. A home gym and a gym in my office building. I recognize that these are absolutely luxuries. But could you buy a few free weights and a yoga mat to start? There are lots of great Pilates and body weight videos on YouTube. We have a spin bike and treadmill at home so that I can get some cardio in while we watch our shows after putting the baby to bed.
3. A weekly schedule. Every Sunday I plan ahead for three things: what I’m going to wear each day, to save time in the morning; what we’re going to eat every day, to save time at the grocery store and cooking; and what my workout is going to be each day, so that I’m making that commitment to myself.

I hope you’re able to find something that works for you! Honestly, a partner who shares the load and encourages you to carve out time for hobbies/fitness is so key.

 

[godly_wife]

@babszie Idk if anyone has mentioned it yet, but one option would be to join a gym with childcare and take the baby with you right after work—at least a couple of evenings a week. Idk if that would be at all reasonable for you, and it may mean you’re pushing babies bedtime back just a tad those nights.

When you’re first getting back into the swing of things workout-wise, imo it’s usually better to aim for something like 3 days a week to start before ramping up frequency. Many people can even stick with 3 days a week of full-body weight training, long term, and get great results. You could opt for a mon/weds/fri schedule or something like tues/thurs/sat (the latter would allow you to go in one day per week on the weekend and not feel rushed). Your hubby can probably manage fending for himself for dinner 2-3 nights a week.

And as others have pointed out—definitely have a convo with your husband and lean into him for support with this.

 

[powerchord]

@babszie For me it’s simple: my boyfriend works with me on things. He cooks because he likes to and he’s better at it. On nights he doesn’t want to/can’t we eat out or eat what’s at home.

He goes to the gym every Tues/Thurs/Sat (he wants to go I don’t).

I handle most of the laundry, pet care, and house cleaning since I work from home. I handle putting our son on the bus in the morning and making sure he does schoolwork after school. Dad helps with anything that’s needed once he gets home.

He handles taking him to scouts and swimming lessons (I make sure he’s ready for those lessons as I don’t drive due to my disability so it’s cost prohibitive for me to take him).

When our son was younger Dad handled taking him to daycare and picking him up. I made sure he went to bed at night. Now things have kinda flipped now that he’s school age.

 

[itsafineday]

@babszie any chance your husband can handle him in the morning at 6 AM?

I have a 7 year-old and a 3.5 year old. I am grateful at this moment that they tend to sleep past 7 AM on weekdays because it has given my husband and I the opportunity to wake up at 6 AM and exercise in the basement. not every day - but 3 or 4 times a week. we both feel so much better.

I would not go to the gym, even 2 blocks away is hard to fenagle sometimes.

find something you can do at home if you like unless the gym is super close.

put out gym clothes the night before.

 

[sharry]

@babszie My husband takes point in the morning and handles dropoff so I can go to the gym.

 

[chrisgirl87]

@babszie I wfh. I workout 2-3x per week at the gym/Pilates and 1-2x from home. My husbands also WFH so we alternate the mornings we work out. My daughter is 2 now so it’s easier than when she was younger.

I have house cleaners so don’t spend a ton of time on chores. We do the daily pick up after putting her to bed around 8 and during slow periods during work hours. We also are pretty equitable in how we do chores. My husband has a more flexible work schedule so he does more of the household chores (laundry, dishes, I do all the cooking and vacuuming/mopping) and I’ll do more when I have some slack in my schedule. She starts pre-school next month and we’ll likely alternate drop-offs and pick-ups.

 

[bookwyrm]

@babszie Single working mom here. I outsource as much as possible. Meals? They’re toddler subscription meals. Pop in the microwave and done. Cleaning? I pick up before bed and let a maid come in to do the detailed cleaning on the weekend. Exercise is also social time on weekends slash walking my son to give him some fresh air. Getting my hair done is the one real luxury I have and she comes to my house to make it easy for me so my son naps through the majority of it. I don’t do my nails or lashes anymore because I just don’t have the time.

 

[bettyboo16]

@babszie If your partner can do the child-care pick up, you could turn that time into exercise time?

 

[janedogh]

@babszie Morning exercise might be your best bet, while husband does the morning routine? Otherwise you can do something after the child sleeps, but it might rile you up and give you bad sleep.

 

[juliuscaesar]

@babszie 50/50 custody

 

[intellichristian]

@babszie Exercise before LO gets up. Only cook at the weekend (freezer meals from previous weekends' cooking for the rest of the week)

 

[jackos]

@babszie I pick a playground where my daughter 6, plays and I just walk around for an hour or longer. We couldn’t do this at 16 months as she needed attention but I had more scooter and stroller walks with her then.

 

[acl777]

@babszie I’ll tell you my schedule to see if that helps

We get home from daycare at 5:30, I have been taking every other day to either workout for 30 mins or get a head start on washing bottles and stuff. Then I play with the baby until bedtime which is around 7 to which my husband would start cooking or I will, and the other will begin doing dishes or whatever the chore of the day is. We then eat together, relax for a little, like maybe max 45 mins, then clean up the mess from dinner, set up for the next day and if we have some time left over, we will continue to relax or I’ll go straight to sleep. It isn’t much, but assigning chores to specific days, like today’s is fully clean hallway bathroom, really has been helping us manage our home.

 

[robertnethromik]

@babszie You described my life as well. I feel very overwhelmed. My husband is paraplegic and a professor who teaches night classes so isn’t always able to help like other partners can. I have no life and no hobbies and I’m not healthy and I hate it.

 

[willowwhisp]

@babszie Sounds normal to me. As for working out I chose to do walks and take kido with me. Mine also got up at 6am every day. I start at 9 am so that was enough time for us. But if you want a gym there are ones with good child care that you could take baby with you, drop them off with child care do your thing for 30-60 mins including getting ready for the day then rush off the work?

Depends on your commute to work and in-laws

 

[mrgrimm73]

@babszie This is my schedule Mon/Wed/Thurs:
6am wake
7.10am leave for work.
5pm home from work. Dinner (fiancé cooks), I do the dishes (we have a dishwasher which helps).
6pm start bedtime (feed/nappy).
6.30pm read to baby
7pm baby's asleep.
30 minute strength workout (I have my own weight set - barbell, squat stands and bench).
7.30pm shower.
8pm watch TV with fiancé.

Tues/Thurs I get home from work by 4.30.
I cook and we have dinner around 5.
Fiance puts baby to bed these nights and I go across the road to see my horse. It's winter so a quick lunge session and I'm home by 7.30.