How do you find the energy to keep up around the house after the kids go to bed?

mae88

New member
Context: We've got three young kids (5M, 3F, and 6 month old baby) and my wife's a teacher so she's been home for the summer while I work a normal 8-5 office job. Typically it's always been she'll cook and clean what she can during the day with the kids while I'll take over at night.

Ever since our third, it's like at least 60% of the time the energy is just not there at night time after the kids go to bed. The baby goes down around 7 while we tag team bed time ritual with our two older kids until I take my daughter to her room and my wife stays with our son. We then stay in their rooms until they fall asleep while we get pretty tired (getting out before 8) or fall asleep in the process of waiting (and then wake up around 9).

Once we're out I'll start cleaning (do the dishes, laundry, or put away the hurricane of toys) but lately it's getting difficult to put even an hour of work in after bedtime and if I sit down to relax first I just end up falling asleep waking up around midnight or whenever the baby wakes up. This then leaves the mess for my wife to deal with the next day unfortunately and her started to feel overwhelmed once things pile up and she was the last person to clean.

So my question is how do you do it? Back load your daily caffeine for the afternoon and night? Stop doing dinner and bedtime as a family and alternate days? Hire help?

Edit: I should clarify that especially with three kids i do not have the expectation for myself for the house to be spotless. I mostly mean the daily of getting toys off the floor and put in bins, dishes done, and then grabbing laundry and folding instead of letting it sit in the dryer for three days. The stuff where if you let it pile up it gets real bad. I kinda like how /@mec1963-Philippe_Rameau once I sit down I know I’m fucked. Maybe it’s just not letting myself sit down until the dailies are done and just push through the feeling of wanting to take a break
 
@mae88 Got to find a nice balance of chaos lol. I do 90% of the house work, maybe more. I had to learn to just let some shit go. My bedroom being a catch all of mess and laundry? Sure just let it go. No point in stressing over stuff that never ends. I know for sure that a big reason why I have tons of dishes to do every day is because I have lots of dishes. Meaning that instead of washing a cup or bowl it is easier to just grab another. So I have been slowly getting rid of all the excess. Don't forget paper plates. Some days it's nice to only have forks to clean.

Everyone's idea of clean is different. My MIL is the type that thinks having the toaster out when not being used is messy. I am the type to see that there are literally no clean forks and spoons and decides that homemade chicken strips and fries sounds good for dinner. Also I was never the type to stay with the kids for a long time when putting them to bed. The only thing that ever did was make me sleepy. Even now with my 5 year old its "OK bedtime, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, lets read one book and get in bed". The toys? I would take away a bunch of toys. Not to be mean but just to minimize the amount that could be out at any one time. Put them in containers then when they are bored pull out the duplo box or whatever and they act like it's brand new lol.

All you can really do is minimize shit in whatever way works best for you and many people need to learn to not worry about things that may not be that important. Like how clean the kids clothes are on a weekend when everyone is home. Have a family friend who has ungodly amounts of laundry partially because she changes the kids clothes every time there is a smudge. Got to let some stuff go.
 
@yofriend She does. She wants everything cleared off the counters. She has the space and doesnt really cook so I guess its all good. I just could not live like that. I got a small house and a family of six. Stuff is cluttered no matter what and if I tried to live my life how others live I would be miserable. I think a lot people, especially younger parents need to realize this. Living within your means can apply to more than just money, right?
 
@mae88 I like to clean as a go. After dinner, I'm doing dishes and getting the kitchen cleaned up while the kids play. Then it's bathtime/playtime until the bedtime routine starts. I'd advise working on getting them in their beds without having to stay until they fall asleep. I realize it's easier said than done but it can be done. I'm back downstairs to a clean house, showered and ready to veg out the rest of the night by 745 or 8 most nights
 
@aldrias Heck, have them help pick up a bit before going off to bed. It can help with at least some of the chaos. Also agree to getting some stuff out of the way during the day/evening.
 
@aldrias I agree with this. We try to clean as we go. On days wife goes into the office one of our parents watch LO. I'm usually home first. It takes like 20min to toss the toys in the bins, vacuum, load/unload dishwasher and prepare for whatever dinner plan there is. Sometimes I can even fold a basket or two of laundry. I think a regular routine makes it easier. Like 8s at work. Everything's got a place and you constantly tidy it as you go.
 
@aldrias This. Only difference here is kids will not go upstairs for bath before cleaning up the toys mess. I help them with that right after cleaning kitchen, dining and floor on both areas. Bed time routine is very simple too. After a couple books and an episode of bluey, I put both in bed and leave. When bed routine is done, I’m free to do whatever I want.
 
@richterface That's what I've typically done. In fact in makes me kind of more stressed if I do miss that time since I've had a 100+ hour backlog on my weekly podcasts ever since the baby was born.
 
@mae88 Honestly, I don't because I'm gassed by the end of the day. I tend to do it while the kids are up and I involve them because it's good for them to learn how to clean. Our youngest is five and her daily chore involves cleaning up her toys. Our older kids who are 11, 12 and 17 do their evening chores which rotate from setting the table/clearing it, loading unloading the dishwasher, and vacuuming our dinning room/kitchen. While this is happening, I do my chores around the house like laundry, making tomorrow's lunches, and whatever else has popped up.
 
@mae88
The baby goes down around 7 while we tag team bed time ritual with our two older kids until I take my daughter to her room and my wife stays with our son. We then stay in their rooms until they fall asleep while we get pretty tired (getting out before 8) or fall asleep in the process of waiting (and then wake up around 9).

This is the bit that stands out to me. I'd work on condensing your bedtime routine and allowing your kids to fall asleep on your own. It seems like you're faking your body out every night by telling it "ok, bedtime... Psych! Get up and start cleaning!"

It sounds miserable, and it also doesn't sound like you have any time together as a couple after the kids go down, either. So I'd work on 1) see if there's anything you can do to clean up while the kids are still up, and 2) condense bedtime so you can be out of the room at the same time every night without your body thinking it's bedtime.

EDIT: also, you both may need to relax your definition of "clean." We vacuum maybe once every two weeks (MAYBE), and our daily clean still leaves the house far messier than any of our non-parent friends. If we insisted on keeping our house as clean as it was before kids, we'd go insane.
 
@pilsung In the 40% of the time or so we stay up through bedtime and are out of their rooms by 8 the latest and for around half that we tend to ignore the mess and try to watch a show or two together to get some quality time together. I guess it’s just trying to minimize the 60% too sleepy so that the 20% us time gets to be more.

And yeah I’m not trying to get the house spotless just do the dailies like dishes, making the floors walkable (picking up toys), etc so things are at least somewhat presentable
 
@mae88 Yeah, I'd definitely see if you can consolidate and compress bedtime.

We have three boys - 3, 6, and 7. We start bedtime at 6:45 (not counting bath time when applicable), one of us reads to all three, and we're out of the room by 7:05, 7:10 at the latest. You don't have to pare it down that much if you don't want to, but I'd think about it at least.
 
Back
Top