@johnon2wheels I just got into caffeine. Holy cow this stuff is lovely.
How did my mom do it
- Thread starter j2019
- Start date
@j2019 I think part of it has to do with a persons personality. My mom didn’t work out of the home until I was older but she always felt that if my dad was at work then she should be working that entire time at home. I definitely don’t have that same philosophy (I work in health care so I often have random days off in the week.)
I also think a lot of it has to do with the distractions that are available to us during the day. I get sucked into social media, streaming shows, etc and before I know it hours are gone. Our parents didn’t have those options.
A lot can be said about 80s parents. But for one we never had water bottles etc to keep track of. Do you know how much time I spend washing bottles, looking for bottles, reminding kids about their bottles??? This time could be much better used.
I also think a lot of it has to do with the distractions that are available to us during the day. I get sucked into social media, streaming shows, etc and before I know it hours are gone. Our parents didn’t have those options.
A lot can be said about 80s parents. But for one we never had water bottles etc to keep track of. Do you know how much time I spend washing bottles, looking for bottles, reminding kids about their bottles??? This time could be much better used.
baselineleaner
New member
@j2019 I’m a night shift nurse with 2 littles and a husband who works a normal 9-5. I am also the daughter of a nightshift nurse who when I was a kid seemingly had things perfect and all together- homemade meals, volunteered in my class, had a spotless home, etc. Now as an adult she has shared with me what a stressful and difficult time it was. I think your mom might be seeing the past with rose colored glasses because truly the sleep deprivation alone from being up 36 hours at a time to care for children is taxing.
Keeping things perfect doesn’t mean having it together.
Keeping things perfect doesn’t mean having it together.
christpoems
New member
@j2019 I don't think parents back then spent nearly as much time with their kids as parents do now. I don't have a lot of memories of my parents playing with me. We did family activities sometimes on the weekends. But I remember many times just sitting on the couch watching movies with them. I think now there's a huge added pressure with social media where we feel like we need to be doing it all. Maybe your mom did keep a spotless house but she wasn't sitting down with you to play for an hour every day. Also I will say a lot of mothers are suffering from lack of good nutrition, so that might be something worth considering and looking into. Being postpartum you definitely need more certain nutrients to get you back to a better baseline and a lot of us are not there because the education is not there. Postpartum fatigue is very real but it could be helped with better maternal nutrition.
idromos247
New member
unforgiven1
New member
@j2019 Could it be she just doesn't remember or isn't willing to admit the struggle she went through?
My parents are wonderful parents. They were engaged and supportive and both had demanding careers and our house was spotless, they fed us great homemade food, etc. Etc. (Lord, my mom even irons her jeans). When I had my daughter I broke down to my mom about 10 months in on how I just couldn't be the mom she was - that she was so perfect and I struggle so much with all the mom and career and household stuff. She hugged me and told me it was all really hard and as a kid, I just didn't even know the work that went into all that or the help she got. That she would break down to her mom and then grandma would come over to play or clean or help out. That we had cleaners and nannies on and off I didn't remember and that she often didn't sleep a wink or was so bone tired she'd just sit in her car and cry. I had no clue any of that happened. I was so grateful she opened my eyes that she wasn't perfect and never felt perfect and was instead very real and human. It's hard. I'm sure it was hard for your mama too. I wish she could be kinder and offer more emotional support to you.
My parents are wonderful parents. They were engaged and supportive and both had demanding careers and our house was spotless, they fed us great homemade food, etc. Etc. (Lord, my mom even irons her jeans). When I had my daughter I broke down to my mom about 10 months in on how I just couldn't be the mom she was - that she was so perfect and I struggle so much with all the mom and career and household stuff. She hugged me and told me it was all really hard and as a kid, I just didn't even know the work that went into all that or the help she got. That she would break down to her mom and then grandma would come over to play or clean or help out. That we had cleaners and nannies on and off I didn't remember and that she often didn't sleep a wink or was so bone tired she'd just sit in her car and cry. I had no clue any of that happened. I was so grateful she opened my eyes that she wasn't perfect and never felt perfect and was instead very real and human. It's hard. I'm sure it was hard for your mama too. I wish she could be kinder and offer more emotional support to you.
@liz123 My mom irons everything!!!! She’s ironed my husband’s work jeans before! She used to iron my dad’s boxers back when there were all stiffer material!!
She definitely says it was hard especially with different nursing shifts but she says that she never felt how exhausted I look. She’s concerned that I just look completely wiped out and like a zombie at all times. She concerned that I don’t want to dress up and go out with my husband and friends anymore. She’s always been full of energy so maybe she’s just built different.
She definitely says it was hard especially with different nursing shifts but she says that she never felt how exhausted I look. She’s concerned that I just look completely wiped out and like a zombie at all times. She concerned that I don’t want to dress up and go out with my husband and friends anymore. She’s always been full of energy so maybe she’s just built different.
unstablemolecules
New member
@j2019 I truly believe 50 years from now people will gasp at what working mothers do in horror. The hours, the mental load, the pay, etc. They’ll have pictures in museums of us looking like sleep deprived zombies. While working mom syndrome is common it’s not normal in any way. We’re all surviving a terrible time. I just hope my daughters have a better time but I honestly struggle with how to raise them knowing what’s on the other side. Hard to believe I’ve worked hard all my life only to continue to work hard
littlegrain
New member
@j2019 Both my parents are nurses and I'm a nurse. My brother was special needs. He passed away last year. Basically we had a strict schedule. Saturdays we cleaned as a family, Sunday was laundry day and meal prep day. Dad did the laundry and my mom and I meal prepped for the week. Monday was pasta, Tuesday was tacos, etc. My parents didn't have the money or time to go on special dates. They didn't until we were older. They used to work near each other and have lunch together. When we were little, they worked opposite shifts. They couldn't afford childcare. So a parent was always home. I currently work part time 2 days a week, and my husband works m-f 8-4 from home. We do have a cleaning lady that comes twice a month. I don't feel exhausted, but I have a toddler and not much free time.
juliuscaesar
New member
@j2019 I absolutely believe that it has everything to do with our environment today. We stare at screens day in and day out. That puts strain on your eyes and your brain works harder to see what it needs to. We are more sedentary than folks were back in the day. And don't get me started on the additives and preservatives in our food. When I was growing up, all of our vegetables came from the garden. Mom did a lot of canning and freezing. Most of our meat came from family and friends farms, plus the wide range of things my father hunted and stocked our freezer with. I could almost swear that we never ate out unless we were traveling.
My mom was a SAHM until my brother and I went to school. We moved a lot when I was little for my dad's job, but after we finally settled in one place, she went to work. Our house, like yours was always clean and tidy, laundry was always done, and it seems like my mom was always in the kitchen. My father damn sure didn't do anything to help her. I did learn later in life that after she went back to work and especially after she and my father divorced in my early teens, she did laundry every night after we kids were in bed and she did her housecleaning chores on Friday night, again, after we were in bed. I've tried to follow her example, but I can't stay up that late and I have a house full of light sleepers so nighttime cleaning would never fly here.
I have to say, the one thing that helped me the most regaining some sort of balance was when I went hybrid at work. I WFH for a decade, including through Covid, and I found that it did nothing for me from a work/life balance standpoint. All I did was work more and felt like my whole life was stuck in the house. I was depressed and, of course, that affected what I felt like doing around the house. When I changed positions and started going into the office 2-3 days each week, I found myself coming out of that WFH fog and being more productive both at work and at home. I've tweaked my schedule a bit but I now work 3 days in the office (required) and I've found that if one of my WFH days is Wednesday, life just goes so much smoother. I can get that mid-week floor cleaning done (we have dogs and cats that are shedders no matter how much they get brushed lol) either between calls or on my lunch break. I can get a few loads of laundry done so no one is screaming they have nothing to wear come the end of the week. I definitely have more tweaking to do to find that close to perfect balance that works for me but I feel like I'm making progress.
My mom was a SAHM until my brother and I went to school. We moved a lot when I was little for my dad's job, but after we finally settled in one place, she went to work. Our house, like yours was always clean and tidy, laundry was always done, and it seems like my mom was always in the kitchen. My father damn sure didn't do anything to help her. I did learn later in life that after she went back to work and especially after she and my father divorced in my early teens, she did laundry every night after we kids were in bed and she did her housecleaning chores on Friday night, again, after we were in bed. I've tried to follow her example, but I can't stay up that late and I have a house full of light sleepers so nighttime cleaning would never fly here.
I have to say, the one thing that helped me the most regaining some sort of balance was when I went hybrid at work. I WFH for a decade, including through Covid, and I found that it did nothing for me from a work/life balance standpoint. All I did was work more and felt like my whole life was stuck in the house. I was depressed and, of course, that affected what I felt like doing around the house. When I changed positions and started going into the office 2-3 days each week, I found myself coming out of that WFH fog and being more productive both at work and at home. I've tweaked my schedule a bit but I now work 3 days in the office (required) and I've found that if one of my WFH days is Wednesday, life just goes so much smoother. I can get that mid-week floor cleaning done (we have dogs and cats that are shedders no matter how much they get brushed lol) either between calls or on my lunch break. I can get a few loads of laundry done so no one is screaming they have nothing to wear come the end of the week. I definitely have more tweaking to do to find that close to perfect balance that works for me but I feel like I'm making progress.
@j2019 I 100% believe this is a true statement!
Have you tried blue light glasses? I wear readers and switched to the blue light blocker ones. Over time, I have noticed a difference. I definitely don't have the level of eye fatigue I used to from staring at a screen for 8+ hours a day under the fluorescent lighting in the office. They do make them without any magnification as well. If you haven't, I would definitely give them a try.
Have you tried blue light glasses? I wear readers and switched to the blue light blocker ones. Over time, I have noticed a difference. I definitely don't have the level of eye fatigue I used to from staring at a screen for 8+ hours a day under the fluorescent lighting in the office. They do make them without any magnification as well. If you haven't, I would definitely give them a try.
@j2019 It very well could be this. I am a nurse and used to work in an inpatient setting in the hospital for 13+ hr shifts. I’ve had a remote job for the last few years and feel more tired now. Is it the computer, lack of activity and social connections at work, the fact that I’m a few years older now??? I might never know but I sure am tired.