Help with a 4 y/o lying

froland

New member
Hey there as the title implies I am seeking help with a precocious and playful about to be 4 y/o. And as the username implies I am a dad, posting for my partner, a moderately granola mom, I assure you my masculinity is non-toxic and organic. Our daughter has been lying about sometimes seemingly innocuous things but recently has begun dabbling in lying about things such as wether the dog or the cat was the culprit in a scratching event. She is possibly withholding crucial evidence possibly to protect the guilty party. The pet in question is onyx the cat, her kitten since she was 2. As a kitten he was often more like a stuffed animal than a cat (within reason of course as we are Moderately Granola, not the full on GrANoLA types would willingly let a 2 y/o unknowingly abuse a poor and mostly defenseless kitten).He is absolutely the cuddliest cat I have ever met and obviously he would attack if he was not cool with this treatment as almost all cats I've met would do, instinctually. Against his instincts he has gone along with this in his kittenhood with a distinct lackadaisical and carefree attitude. It is now his second winter and emerging into teenagerhood or potentially nearing full-on cat adulthood. This may mean a few things for the relationship of our semi-sweet onyx and our darling daughter.

First is it necessary to implement strict rules surrounding her handling of this wild thing?
How do you as a moderately granola mom handle young children beginning to find themselves lying? ( And sometimes seemingly for the fun of it?)
How do you approach this subject?
And if anyone has experience with this sort of situation please chime in!
 
@froland Janet Lansbury is a great resource for lying, as is…oh agh, what’s that book? Written by two scientists…ah, NurtureShock!

I do two things in particular: I make it 100% safe to fess up to me without consequences even after she initially lied (because I need her to come to me, and I need her to keep coming to me about bigger things in 10-15 years). That means I don’t punish her for lying.

Also, I reframe her statements. I try so hard not to see the lies as a problem, never to ask a question that sets her up to lie, and to redirect us back to truth. “Sister did it!” “I bet you wish you hadn’t done it, huh. It’s hard to resist sometimes. Remember it makes me happy when you tell me what actually happens.”
 
@froland I went with talking about how awesome and great my daughters imagination is with her, then explaining what a lie is in regards to using imagination as a way to make up things that aren’t true in real life. Then explain that it’s ok to make stories as long as she makes it clear they are stories, so nobody gets upset or in trouble over something that isn’t true. Then I encouraged imagination in other ways like play, and art, as well as making stories that are obvious stories. And I let her know there are consequences to lying and what they are.
 
@froland A few points, this is totally age appropriate. She is experimenting with story telling.

What is your reaction when she lies?
What is your reaction to the truth?
 
Back
Top