Help! I'm stressing my wife out

[smwatoa]

Hey fellow dads,

I joined the club 4 days ago and have a beautiful baby girl! The reason that I come to all of you today is to ask for guidance and/or reassurance.

I have been stressing my wife and myself about breastfeeding our daughter. I went into this with an expectation (I know, never good) about how we would exclusively be breastfeeding. My wife and I were on the same page about this. Here is the thing, our girl came early as my wife had to be induced and because of this her colostrum doesn't seem to be cutting it with feedings.

Long story short, our pediatrician said that we should be supplementing our feedings with formula and it is stressing me out. I have this anxious feeling that we are failing our daughter by not giving her the "best" food she could be having. Yesterday, my wife told me that it felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on her, which is true, although it wasn't my intention. How do I get out of this mindset and what would be a more healthy mindset to have at this point?

Edit: I thought it would not need to be said, but the downvotes say otherwise. My wife is overall not angry/stressed with me. It is just this particular situation that is causing both of us stress. We both have felt like our teamwork is better than ever during this time. I just wanted to bring this to y'all because I want to be the best husband/dad I possibly can be. After she said that I was putting pressure on her I immediately apologized and there is zero tension or anger between us.

Edit 2: Well... This did not go how I hoped... Thank you so much to everyone that gave me good input and even some tough love I needed! To those trying to make me feel bad in a post that shows I'm trying to improve myself. Shame on you...

 

[pierreb]

@smwatoa The alternative is malnutrition and possibly death. People have done this. A living baby is objectively better than a dead baby fed exclusively breast milk.

Infant formula is a modern miracle that people 100 years ago would have begged for.

And ironically, stressing your wife out reduces her supply. So stop that and support your wife. She is already feeling super guilty about this. And it doesn't make her any less of a Mom and you need to reassure her of that.

 

[smwatoa]

@pierreb I am really trying to support her as best that I can. I know that she is trying her best, and I fully agree with what you are saying. I have said to myself and her that it is a blessing to have formula, but it hasn't helped me get out of this mindset if that makes sense.

 

[pierreb]

@smwatoa Nothing about the next few months will be perfect but you will be better mentally if you do not let perfection be the enemy of good enough. You and your wife will be far better, especially in the long term, if you accept what you cannot change, ignore what doesn't matter, and focus (not fixate) on what you can control.

There's also no point in beating yourself up over what could have gone better. Learn from mistakes and move on.