Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?

[dazzlekitty7]

@lesbian5eva We are doing a variation of this when I go back to work as a teacher in November. My husband is a probation officer who also can make his own schedule for the most part. He will be staying home during the day and when I get home he’s going to work. I’m not thrilled about it because we will be taking care of the kids alone and not be able to see each other except on weekends. But we live in a small town with essentially no childcare, and absolutely NO licensed childcare, and I would much rather him take care of the baby and our toddler than random people who just want a few extra bucks… Him being a probation officer also influenced this arrangement because he has seen and heard far too much when it comes to child abuse/molestation. It’s usually never who you would expect.

 

[calvybull]

@dazzlekitty7 Like who??

 

[dazzlekitty7]

@calvybull In our small town, it was one of the helpers for an in home daycare. They admitted to who one of the victims was (the one who told their parents), but wouldn’t reveal to the police who the others were.

 

[maggie341]

@lesbian5eva We also did this. I worked 5-2am and husband did 7-4. I worked 4 days per week.

Did this for 3 years until my kid dropped his nap. I felt like a zombie and pretty much hallucinated at work a couple times to be honest.

I napped with my son and let the house kinda go for the most part. Quit cooking except for simple meals when I was off work and survived. It was not a fun experience and I only have one child because of it lol.

You’re proposed schedule seems way more doable. I’d do it if I were you.

 

[metalgreymon]

@lesbian5eva That’s going to leave your husband high and dry during bedtime routine. Which is doable, but I dunno… I feel like it might introduce problems being occupied every night during those hours.

I would consider maybe a babysitter for 3 hours a day at your preferred working time, a time that you prefer for the long haul. It’ll be cheaper than daycare and you can still be a SAHM all the other hours and then have evenings free to help w bedtime or get an early nights sleep or whatever you need.

 

[savedbyyeshua]

@lesbian5eva I did this!! I did it three nights a week, but out of the house. I loved it! It was great. I would generally sleep 10:30-6:30 and it felt like enough.

 

[gottmaninst]

@lesbian5eva I've done this to save on daycare. I worked as CNA, and I worked 3 12s a week on nights. I worked every other night, and I did every other weekend. It was wonderful because my kids were 13 months apart. My husband also went back to school to get his CDL which was great for us when I had this schedule. I was tired AF, but daycare was $600 a week for 2 kids. Nope, we couldn't afford it. I just bit the bullet and did it. Best decision ever.

 

[tornado16]

@lesbian5eva It's going to entirely depend on how your baby sleeps.

I know people whose babies were reliably sleeping through the night at 3 months, and then there's mine, who rarely slept through the night until he was nearly 2. I am still not entirely fit to fold laundry at 9pm let alone be understanding and calm with other humans

 

[amoeba1]

@lesbian5eva I have not done this, nor would I try. For context, I am a widowed parent with a 9-month-old who works full time while baby is in daycare. Based on the schedules you have described, you and your husband would have virtually no time together, no time for hobbies and very little time for sleep. I would highly advise against this for the sake of your family, sanity, and marriage.

You and your husband are going to burn out - FAST. Being a SAHP is a full time job, parenting (for both parents) is a full time job, your husband's job/studies are full time....do you see where I am going with this?

Could you find childcare for the mornings only and be a part time SAHP? Childcare has been a blessing for me in countless ways - not the least of which is that it allows me time to work at a job that supports us/fulfills me as a person. It sounds like you want to continue your work, so I assume you derive some pleasure/ fulfillment from it. I think that would disappear if you spread yourself too thin.

At the very least, wait till your baby is here and then reevaluate once you see how you guys are doing. Good luck!

 

[ameldabby]

@lesbian5eva I became a fried potato. French fries, if you will.

 

[movingforward92]

@lesbian5eva These days a lot of people work opposite shifts, which is probably doable if you're really only working 3 hours a day (but somehow I suspect you'll truly be clocking in at 6 and off at 9, there's always paperwork and trainings and meetings right?). I'd try to work in the mornings instead of the evening, 6-8pm is prime "witching hour" for babies when they're at their most fussy and I can't imagine trying to work through that noise every night.

But like everyone else said, this is a recipe for you taking on 90% of the childcare and mental load while also doing 50% of the paid work, which isn't sustainable and might lead to resentment long term.

 

[orthodox_christian]

@lesbian5eva That schedule, especially working from home, sounds totally doable! But make sure you can still get you time in, maybe on the weekend for a few hours

 

[dragonmasa]

@lesbian5eva No experience myself, but my best friends parents did this while growing up. Her dad worked the day shift and mom went to work at the chocolate factory from 4-12, it worked perfect for them!

 

[dog_nurse]

@lesbian5eva My husband and I currently both work from home 3 days a week (he goes in the office the other two, where we use family for childcare) and we utilize a “stacked schedule” for working. It’s pretty exhausting honestly and there are times that I think enrolling her in day care would make life a bit easier. I appreciate that we haven’t had to now though as she’s now 9 months old. Anyway, I think what’s difficult is that any variation on a given weeknight throws us into chaos. His work being more flexible often bleeds into the weekend. It’s hard to get family time in as one of us is often working or catching up on sleep. That all said, I love being able to walk down the hall and take 5 minutes to check on my daughter while I work. There are days I’m like “we’re killing it and so lucky” and others where everything is wrong.

 

[kyotzo]

@lesbian5eva Very doable. We called it tag team parenting.

 

[pgl]

@lesbian5eva Slightly different. I am still n maternity leave from my professional job. However, I wanted a job. So I work evenings at a restaurant after my partner gets home.

I absolutely love it! The biggest challenge is managing sleep because of the late finishes.

 

[samuelp1994]

@lesbian5eva It would be very tiring but doable. Could you consider a sitter a morning or two a week to fit in either a few clients or some errands/housework/alone time? That would seem like a fair compromise to me.

 

[reflector1991]

@lesbian5eva Kind of?

My husband works 4:30am-6pm, Sunday through Thursday. I recently started a job from 8pm-4am, Sunday through Thursday. It's been almost 2 months now. It's rough in the beginning. Make sure your SO is being understanding of when YOU need a break/a nap. If you and your partner communicate, though, it should go smoothly

I was really scared to start, but now that we're in kind of a rhythm, we've found it works well for us. I wish you the best of luck!

Edit to add: we have a little one together who will be 2 years old at the end of July. Tired mommy brain made me forget to add it in the original reply I usually try to nap when she naps (around 11am, for an hour or two depending on how long she naps!) Taking advantage of her napping has definitely helped me keep sane through this change!

 

[ohsosoveriegn]

@lesbian5eva I briefly was a sahp during the day and worked at a bakery in the evenings/early mornings. It was hell.

 

[emily2468]

@lesbian5eva I did this. It’s very hard. You’ll get through it but it won’t be easy. Also, kids and sleep don’t always work out like you think. I got by for 6 months until my child absolutely would not let my husband settle them. My hours got eaten into and I was an emotional and physical wreck. One or two nights a week might be more sustainable with a lot of flexibility and stepping up from your partner, but otherwise, prepare to be very very tired with burn out risk being high.