Guilty for thinking this way?

[jonson68]

@littledot If your only reason was “I don’t wanna” it would be enough. My boyfriend is an only child and I’m not. He adores being an only child because he had a great friend group and saw his cousins often but his parents were able to easily support them and him. I LOVE my siblings to the moon and back but there were many moments I felt like mom and I feel having so many kids stressed my parents out so much financially and made our relationship strained especially with my dad. You are far from selfish for wanting one it’s what you want.

 

[soosh8005]

@littledot Be selfish.
Everyone should be selfish when it comes to their decision to have another child. Think about you. Think about your ability and desire to do it again. Think about if you want that or not.

Sometimes you gotta be selfish.

But if you don’t like the negative connotation… you’re not selfish for not wanting another child, and your friend is kind of of a jerk for saying that kinda crap

 

[fayanth]

@littledot Having kids is one of the most selfish things out there because you subject a human being to * gestures vaguely at everything * just because you want a baby, or a bestie, or someone to take care of you on old age. I know this is a harsh way of putting it. I don’t mean that having kids is bad and there is nothing wrong with being selfish either. I just find it mind boggling how people with multiple kids call us selfish.

 

[sophiab]

@littledot How are you selfish? It’s no one’s business anyway…

 

[yakdip]

@littledot I think having kids is incredibly selfish in this world honestly. I think there’s really no good reason to have a kid right now and if you’re having one you’re doing it because you want to ultimately.

That being said I’m going to be selfish and have one child. I’ve made that decision.

Not having children or not having more children is not selfish especially if you don’t really want another. It’s responsible actually.

 

[firetje]

@littledot OP. You are not being selfish. You are allowed to make decisions that benefit yourself and your existing family.

It sounds like this person is projecting their own decisions onto you.

I don’t think any of your reasons are selfish. Also - who cares what other people think. Do they have to conceive, give birth, nurse, and raise YOUR child? No.

 

[flyinq]

@littledot I’m an only child of a single mother. She passed away in October after a sudden terminal diagnosis. Being an only gave my mom and I an incredibly strong relationship. I probably also benefitted from more self reliance and independence as an only. When she passed away and even now I am grateful I didn’t have to coordinate or debate her care / end of life choices / funeral / estate / how to split or donate her earthly belongings. You are not selfish. Your “friend” is a bitch.

 

[psalmwarrior]

@littledot WE SHOULD ALL ONLY HAVE THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN THAT WE WANT AND THAT WE CAN ACCOMMODATE

 

[lost9933]

@littledot One question: why is she still your friend?

That is a horrible thing to say to someone. What if you were actually trying for a second but struggling with fertility issues? That would be so damn hurtful!!

 

[mrsb]

@littledot My happiest realisation has been this, "yes, i am selfish"
I am selfish for wanting a mentally stable parent for my kid.
I am selfish for wanting solo time so that im a better parent.
I am selfish for wanting more disposable income.
And that realisation destroyed all these arguments thrown my way, because they cant make me feel bad anymore about it.
Selfish doesn't have to be negative.

 

[pokkel]

@littledot First of all, she is not a good friend. She seems envious of your life.
All your reasons are great. I personally feel the same/agree with all of them.

I heard on a podcast from a psychologist that there is nothing wrong with being selfish. “People who call us selfish just don’t like that we put our needs above others”. But that’s healthy to put your needs above others needs.

What’s not healthy is being self centered and self absorbed, and demand that everyone satisfies your needs.

There are many kids that don’t have families, you can also say that it’s selfish to have your own biological kids instead of adopting. Does your friend think that her DNA is superior? Isn’t that selfish? Nothing wrong with having more kids but what I find disturbing is to judge others for their own choice that doesn’t harm anyone!

 

[gabulldawg15]

@littledot Sounds like misery loves company. It’s not selfish to know your limits. Even though I won the baby lottery with my daughter, there are 100 reasons why I’m one and done and they all come down to time, money and energy.

 

[towerwatchman]

@littledot Dont feel bad . As they say , ppl will have an opinion . What matters is what you believe and think will work out for your family . It should be your partner and you discussing the pros and cons and taking a decision .
Ppl will just give opinion but will not be responsible either way .
So dont compare , make your own choice and be happy with it.

 

[lookingforhelp]

@littledot Shitty friend that one is! It's your life.

 

[chris7]

@littledot I love your reasons as it's how we think too. Having a child vs raising a child are two distinctly different things.

Unpopular opinion but have they thought about their middle child syndrome or youngest child syndrome when it comes to 3 children, or sibling rivalry or adult sibling relationships. Just ask every wills and estates office and it's usually related to that (just saying).

Your friend's projection is an opinion and she is just jealous that you have a LIFESTYLE for you and you have set up your child for life in today's cost of living expenses. While your friend's children will have to navigate life in a harder way too.

You also have to think further ahead that your child may find a life partner who can cope with life too. No one is truly alone unless if they chose to. We have our communities, friends, neighbourhood, support and therapy groups as well as hobbies, exercise, work families too.