bcraig_6973
New member
@kimmjohns No is a complete sentence. Say no each time
Give your best line for “no”
- Thread starter kimmjohns
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- rant stay-at-home parents
jewelofthenorth
New member
@kimmjohns That's never going to happen so stop asking.
@kimmjohns "did I stutter?"
madduxhesse
New member
@kimmjohns We’ve talked about it and decided to sit out this time, but thanks for the invite. Have fun!
marmattron
New member
@kimmjohns 'Thanks for the suggestion, but BIL/SIL's and our children's personalities aren't compatible for a group vacation.'
katrina2017
New member
@kimmjohns Where is your husband on this? Is he in agreement? If so, then he needs to be the one to tell them. A simple "We're not going to be coming" is all he needs to say. Do not justify, argue, defend, or explain (JADE), as that just gives people an opportunity to try and find a way around your reasoning.
@kimmjohns "Maybe next time!"
@likeruth Literally why though, this is just an invitation to be harassed about this issue further now and further down the line. Make it clear that there is no room for negotiation. I am so confused by the OP's "not sure it will fit our plans" and equally by passive aggressive comments like "maybe next time" being suggested.
@kimmjohns Thanks for the offer of family time but we decline. Let us know when you get there and we can do a nice video chat. Have fun!
Side note, if your husband cant say no then he can go by solo and remind him how you feel.
Side side note, not to sound like a jerk but just tell your MIL to back off with the pestering otherwise you she wont see her grandkids unless its through FaceTime.
Side note, if your husband cant say no then he can go by solo and remind him how you feel.
Side side note, not to sound like a jerk but just tell your MIL to back off with the pestering otherwise you she wont see her grandkids unless its through FaceTime.
waterbrook
New member
@kimmjohns “I can’t”. You can leave it at that. The rest of the sentence in your mind might be something like “ I can’t because I don’t want to, but just leave it at “I can’t” when saying it out loud!
saturnsteve
New member
@kimmjohns I would suggest that you and your husband are on the same page. If you both do NOT want to go you both are going to need to be a United front. You can say NO all day long, but if your MIL can go behind your back and wear down your husband. Then No isn’t going to mean NO and she knows this.
Talk to your husband, tell him what you want. Aka “I do not want to go on a whole family vacation with your family.” If he wants to go, see if you can compromise like he takes the kids, you stay home, or you guys stay in your own hotel room away from them and only join them for events that you guys want to.
Once you are both on the same page the both of you need to tell MiL THE plan. I say both of you, because your husband doesn’t have enough of a spine to stand up to his mother yet, your job is to keep her from wearing him down. With “MIL this is what WE are going to do, We are not changing OUR plans.” Showing her you two are a United front needs to be top priority. Because right now she bullies your husband to force your hand. There needs to be no debating, no we will see what she wants. You two make the plan and MIL gets to stick to it. End of discussion.
Once it is all said and done stick to your guns, no matter how much she and your in laws may rage. Don’t let your husband change the plan, if that means he needs to ignore his family for a bit so be it.
You are both adults, married, and parent, if you both don’t start demanding to be treated as such your MIL will continue l to boundary stop, until her dying breath.
Talk to your husband, tell him what you want. Aka “I do not want to go on a whole family vacation with your family.” If he wants to go, see if you can compromise like he takes the kids, you stay home, or you guys stay in your own hotel room away from them and only join them for events that you guys want to.
Once you are both on the same page the both of you need to tell MiL THE plan. I say both of you, because your husband doesn’t have enough of a spine to stand up to his mother yet, your job is to keep her from wearing him down. With “MIL this is what WE are going to do, We are not changing OUR plans.” Showing her you two are a United front needs to be top priority. Because right now she bullies your husband to force your hand. There needs to be no debating, no we will see what she wants. You two make the plan and MIL gets to stick to it. End of discussion.
Once it is all said and done stick to your guns, no matter how much she and your in laws may rage. Don’t let your husband change the plan, if that means he needs to ignore his family for a bit so be it.
You are both adults, married, and parent, if you both don’t start demanding to be treated as such your MIL will continue l to boundary stop, until her dying breath.
@kimmjohns That sounds like a lot of fun! I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time. Unfortunately we won't be going.
My in laws booked us on a cruise after I went on one with them and my husband before we had kids. It was the worst! Cruising is not for me, it encapsulates everything I can't stand. Long story short, I got pregnant with our second and would have been 8.5 months pregnant during the planned trip. That's a win.
My in laws booked us on a cruise after I went on one with them and my husband before we had kids. It was the worst! Cruising is not for me, it encapsulates everything I can't stand. Long story short, I got pregnant with our second and would have been 8.5 months pregnant during the planned trip. That's a win.
andreythegreat
New member
@kimmjohns “I can’t.” No explanation. Rinse and repeat.
I hate extended family vacations. BTW. We are headed on one in March. Ugh. My plan is to spend it doing a few things that I want to do.
I hate extended family vacations. BTW. We are headed on one in March. Ugh. My plan is to spend it doing a few things that I want to do.
@kimmjohns " nope, things will not change. That simply does not work for us."
leslierenee56
New member
@kimmjohns "We can't make it."
I throw my husband at his mom when she gets like this. Especially because when she visits I am the one who spends more time with her than her own son.
Also, your BIL & SIL are in for a rude awakening when their "quiet" 1 year old turns into a toddler. It'll be a steep learning curve for all. Hopefully after that they'll chill out a bit.
I throw my husband at his mom when she gets like this. Especially because when she visits I am the one who spends more time with her than her own son.
Also, your BIL & SIL are in for a rude awakening when their "quiet" 1 year old turns into a toddler. It'll be a steep learning curve for all. Hopefully after that they'll chill out a bit.
@kimmjohns "Nah. But thanks - we have pre-existing obligations with Ranger Rick; and you never miss an engagement with Ranger Rick!"
@kimmjohns OK so you shouldn't need an excuse (no is enough) but camp is fucking expensive and you probably paid a deposit or the whole thing up front, does she think you're just going to cancel on a whim?
katrina2017
New member
@kimmjohns “I will consider it for eternity.”