Friend just named her baby my #1 name

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byanyothername

New member
Just looking for opinions. My really close friend had a baby yesterday and just announced his name. It has been my favorite boy name for 10+ years. It’s not in the top 100 but it is in the top 200, so obviously it’s available on name lists frequently. She does not know the name was my number one so I am not mad at her, just upset that maybe I can’t or shouldn’t use it now.

A little background: my husband and I have been trying for a baby for 5 years. We are currently going through IVF and hoping to transfer an embryo soon. So we are not pregnant yet. If it were up to me, we’d already have one or two, or three. Also, he and I have decided our first boy name and our first girl name down to the middle names and nicknames. We talk and text about when we get to hold (boy name) or (girl name) often to keep our spirits up and have for years.

My question is, would I be absolutely horrible if I used the name still too? I love it—I absolutely love it and I cannot envision my first son named anything else. Would it be appropriate if and when we find out we are pregnant to reach out to her and explain that we have been using the name for a boy for over 7 years now (pre marriage even)? I don’t want her to feel like I’m stealing it and I have texts between my husband and I for years to prove it. What if she freaks out and thinks I’m stealing it? I have no problem with a future son of mine sharing the name with her son but I don’t want to ruin a friendship over it. At the same time, I just know I have a baby coming named that name whether its soon or in future years.

I just feel awful for being upset about this but it feels like another dagger when we have wanted a baby so long and now I am wondering if we can even use the name we love so much.
 
@byanyothername use it!!!! there’s gonna be plenty of kids out there who share the same name! just as I’m sure you and your husband share a name with someone out there !! if you love it don’t let anything stop you!
 
@byanyothername Just use it. Who cares. Who knows if you’ll be friends with her in 10 years? Who knows if your kids will even know each other or be friends.

If she cares that much and freaks out she’s not a good friend.

If my friend named their kid the same name as my kid I’d think they have good taste.

They could go to school and there could be a child in their class with the same name. They could go to work and have do worker with the same name.

Don’t say anything now. Let her enjoy her new born.
 
@byanyothername I would still use it, and I would tell her as soon as possible so she knows. Something like, “Omg we love that name, that’s the name we’re going to use for our son too! We’ve been calling our future baby that for YEARS.” And maybe show her a couple texts.

I would NOT ask her permission, because if she says no (which she has no right to do) and you use it anyway (which you have every right to do), that may be hard on the friendship.

So I would assert right away that this has been your plan, so she doesn’t feel like she has ownership over the name and that you’re “stealing” something of hers. The longer you wait, the more she may feel that you’re copying, even if that’s not true.
 
@byanyothername I would still use it! I know two friends who had a baby in the same year and the boys are both named Jack. Not weird at all it just means you both have the same taste. If she’s a good friend she will understand and it won’t be weird.

Edit: also I wouldn’t tell her you want to use the name right now, only bring it up in the future if you’re pregnant with a boy. Who knows you could have only girls and it never comes up!
 
@byanyothername First of all, best of wishes to you. I know this is such an incredibly stressful time.

If you find out you’re having a boy, just explain the situation to her. If she flips out about it, then she’s not really a friend anyway.

But I will say that I know from personal experience that when family planning takes this long and is this hard, you tend to obsess over things you can control: like baby name fantasizing.

I promise you once you’re holding your child, you won’t really worry that much about how important that really important baby name was.

Again, take care and all the best to you. 💜
 
@byanyothername It's totally fine to use the name still. Just explain to her you love it too, it's no big deal. But I would recommend keeping an open mind, especially since you are not expecting a baby quite yet. You never know what other name could spark your interest. 😊
 
@byanyothername Definitely use it. I can attest that I have regrets - we didn’t use my favorite girl names (my top two favorite) because one was used by a friend and one by my husbands cousin. But now my daughter is 2.5, and I still like those names better than my child’s literal name. You’re the one who will be using her name 24/7 throughout the day - at school - one her doctor forms. You want to use your favorite name - trust me!!
 
@byanyothername I totally understand as Ive had my girl name picked out for 10 years. (I’m currently pregnant with my first, a boy! Boy names are hard!) think it would be awkward and I’d be annoyed if I were her, but she should understand if she’s a close friend. Is it someone you will really be in contact with in a few years anyway? Also I wanna know the name! lol
 
@hoosier63 I hope she does. She’s always been a kind and compassionate friend and has supported me so much through our infertility journey. We’ve been friends since middle school and no distance or time spoken has changed that. We have only lived in the same area again in the last 3 years and it’s been amazing. If we were still living across the country I think it would be less of an issue but now we see each other all the time. I still think she will be okay with it, especially with a little proof, but time will tell.

The name is Arlo
 
@byanyothername I love the name Arlo! It’s getting pretty popular now, especially since The Good Dinosaur. We know a girl in my small town who named her kid that so I really liked the name Orlo as an alternative but my husband said no. 😤
 
@byanyothername Totally use it and maybe just tell her that you love the name she picked and also plan to name your son the same name - you can bond over having the same great taste! A good friend wouldn't mind at all especially given the journey you and your partner have been on. Best of luck with IVF and the transfer
 
@byanyothername I would be very upset if my best friend named their baby the exact same first name as my child. Not trying to be hurtful or negative given the tough spot you’re in, just giving my two cents ❤️
 
@byanyothername Also going through IVF atm and I’d say just use it. Don’t stress yourself out over the small stuff. I get anxiety too that friends who are going to beat me to having a baby will use our name but remind myself that names are free to use for anyone. I’m sure she’d understand if you explain. If not she’s the one who’s being petty. Those kids will grow up and probably not be incredibly close anyway, so choose the name you want.
 
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