First day of daycare- how to make it less difficult?

[sherrybaker]

My 11 mo will be going to daycare tomorrow for the first time. We are immigrants, so no family support. But in-laws came to help + all kind of leaves we can use, we managed to keep her home till now. Now she knows who we are, prefers mommy over daddy, cries if we don't pick her up, is a picky eater, and takes her time with bottle. We rock her to sleep, and sometimes she wouldn't sleep when daddy is doing the rocking, she wants mummy. Also, the only people she's used to is myself and my husband. So she also starts crying when any stranger comes close.

Now that she's starting daycare tomorrow, my husband and I are very apprehensive about how she'll do there. We are worried she won't drink/ eat anything or sleep. My husband is home next week, so we are only doing M-W-F and planning to do 5-6 hours instead of 8-9 hours. Thinking that might ease her in a little. The week after it will be 5 days a week.

Is there anything we can do to make the transition better? For her, for us? Ngl, I already cried multiple times and I feel very very guilty. But our finances won't allow one of us to leave the job.

Thank you for any and all help!!

 

[monk58]

@sherrybaker My daycare said by the end of the first week they should be staying the whole day. They learn very quickly what the schedule is and if they leave early enough times, they will expect to continue to.

When we started, she stayed the whole day from day 1. We kept drop off quick. The first day she did great. Second day was worse but by the end of the week she was golden. They adjust fast. She's so capable, give her a chance to show you.

 

[sparagmos]

@monk58 That's so interesting. In Germany they tell us to prepare for 6 weeks of adjustment (at least in my state). The first week we come for an hour together with the baby and maybe leave for couple of minutes. Then slowly increase the stay and separation time. Obviously your system works as well, so I wonder why some manage to do it so quickly, and other recommend such a slow transition...

 

[bugs1962]

@sherrybaker You're not alone in this! Sending my guy to daycare was so hard. I cried so much and was miserable the first day he was there. It was much harder on me than him though! He was 6 months old and it took about a month for him to fully adjust. And that mostly just refers to his napping. He had a hard time shutting out the other kids and getting a good nap in. Otherwise, he was so happy!

He's 16 months now and loves daycare. I swear he wants to go to daycare over staying home with boring mom and dad. It's been great for him socially and developmentally. He's been sick a lot which sucks but he's building an immune system. It's better than waiting until he's school aged.

Also, we switched his daycare after a couple months. We had a spot open up at a higher quality daycare, and it's been even better. If you aren't 100% crazy about the current daycare, you can always switch when another becomes available! Stay on the waiting lists!

 

[sherrybaker]

@bugs1962 Thank you so much. Yeah we are like 1000% sure she won't nap properly. Even at home she needs dark n quiet. Had always been like that, entebbe at a week old want sleeping without quiet.

We are going two towns over coz none in my neighborhood have spots. We've been on waitlist for 13 months! But yeah we will stay in and hopefully move closer (and better)!

 

[digorgs]

@sherrybaker We put our daughter in daycare when she was 12.5 months and I was so anxious. I thought there was no way she would nap during nap time or eat all the food. We kept drop-offs very quick, and honestly she stopped crying by day 3. We opted to do full days and let her get fully engrained in the schedule, since they do breakfast, lunch, nap, and snack.

Turns out, she loves it there so much. They do so many activities, she’s learned a lot, she has friends. She strolls right in most days with barely a wave goodbye and almost every pick-up she isn’t done playing and doesn’t want to leave right away. Her smile while she’s there is so precious.

She eats all the meals, takes a 2.5 hour long nap, and I’m truly so proud of her. I thought i’d be bummed about the cost but it’s worth every penny.

 

[savedmother]

@digorgs This is so helpful to hear my son will be starting in September at that age and I’m already feeling anxious like OP.

 

[sherrybaker]

@digorgs Thank you!! Ours will be roughly 11.5 months. Did you move her to 1 nap before starting? I was contemplating it coz she has started resisting second nap.but it feels too soon!

I'm on east coast. Daycare here costs an arm and a leg! We are paying $650 a week and that doesn't include food. And have to pick up by 5 or extra charge!

 

[digorgs]

@sherrybaker Nope, she was still taking 2 naps with us and they were about 45min to an hour long. It wasn't super consistent either. There, she naps for 2-2.5 hours consistently. We try to follow their schedule on the weekends but we can never get that sort of nap out of her. I think her seeing the other kids follow along might be a big part of it.

Sorry to hear about the cost and schedule there, that feels insane, especially a 5pm pick-up considering most people use daycares for working hours. I'm in Texas so we pay 400/week and the school is open 6:30am-6:30pm.

 

[sherrybaker]

@digorgs That's what I've heard- that they nap better there I most cases coz they see others napping.

Yeah it's insane out here. And that's not the most expensive one we toured either

Nannies are like $28 an hour as well. I feel like I made wrong career choices sometimes. Lol.

 

[aquinsky]

@sherrybaker if she is resisting a second nap she will probably end up dropping the nap at daycare. My kid was in two naps and just dropped the second nap naturally, if he’s extra tired some days I offer a short one when he gets home

 

[sherrybaker]

@aquinsky Thanks! Will see how it goes, it's first day today!!

 

[jesusnameaboveallnames]

@sherrybaker They are so quick to adapt. I think it was much worse on me than the baby.

Make the drop off short and sweet, so she can read from your body language that the situation is safe. And it's okay to cry outside the door (we probably all did )

My kid loves her daycare. We don't have family close by either, so we are actually using one of the young assistants from daycare as our babysitter when we need a date night.

 

[mrfive]

@sherrybaker I am not telling you to scare you but to reassure you. My daughter started at 12 months, which was peak fear of strangers time for her. She cried everyday nearly all day for the first 4 weeks. I was such a wreck and said if she cries one more day that one of us has to quit our job until we figure out something else. That day she went in and had a great day. She has loved it ever since, to the point she is running in without even saying goodbye to me.

It is hard, but if you tough it out it will get better. I see a whole classroom of happy kiddos everyday I drop her off that have all adjusted to daycare life.

 

[sherrybaker]

@mrfive Oh man. 4 weeks!! That sounds... horrendous. Proud of you for pushing through! But that's good to know.

 

[aquinsky]

@sherrybaker The daycare providers have experience with all kind of kids and their temperaments/attachments.

I was super worried.

Up until his first day of daycare the most we were away from him was 3hrs and he’s really only ever been taken care of by us and by grandma a few times. He doesn’t nap without formula and doesn’t fall asleep sleep without being on me.

We did 3 hrs the first day. Mom and dad both dropped him off. We asked the daycare the best way to handle drops offs and they said “have a happy and relaxed demeanour, hug your kid say I love you have a good day see you later” (we would then hand our kid to the educator and walk out the room)
Quick and easy.
First day our baby didn’t cry.
Second day we tried a half day, pick him up after his lunch and nap. I highly doubted that he would eat or sleep.
He did both and skipped his bottle. He cried when we left.
We did a half day for the first week and then a full day the following week. He cries when we leave but he stops after 3-5 minutes and moves on with his day. Naps well eats well.

The day care staff tire the kids out and it’s overwhelming for the kids to be around so many playmates and follow instructions all day.
They will cry when you leave and when you pick them up they will be clingy for the rest of the night because they missed you all day.

It is all totally normal and if your kid doesn’t eat just make sure to feed her breakfast bed or going to daycare and be sure to provide a snack when you pick her up. She’ll be fine. It is an adjustment period for all but being around other adults and other kids is so so good for their growth!

 

[sherrybaker]

@aquinsky Thank you! She's in daycare already, cried when we left but I cried more. Lol. Waiting anxiously for updates, she has done a micro nap and had almost a bottle of formula!! I'm so proud!! Really helpful tip about the snack! Thank you!!

 

[ntokila]

@sherrybaker Daycare is the best thing that happened to my
Kid. Seriously. He was struggling with some significant delays, we were in early intervention and I was fully flipping my shit that we were headed for an Autism diagnosis and what that would look like for our family. My son is now almost 3, and as of last fall was exceeding his age range in speech (36 month level at 30 months) and aged out of intervention. He has best friends, loves his teachers, learns so much more than I could ever teach him. Daycare is fucking Amazing and your baby is going to thrive. Yes you’re going to be sick a ton. Take some zinc and just power through. You’ve got this!

 

[sherrybaker]

@ntokila Thank you! Do you recommend any specific form/ brand of zinc? What about the baby- some for her too?