Father in Law wants to change baby’s name so badly

[mogulmama]

My husband and I will be first time parents to a baby boy coming soon! This is my second pregnancy but first pregnancy without complications so we’re incredibly excited!! (23wks)

We have a name set in stone, we knew the moment we found out we were having a baby boy. We are naming him after an artist for his first name.

My father in law is 100% against the name we picked out. He keeps suggesting different names and even said that he’ll call this baby by a completely different name and not by his given name.

He said last night that this baby will love him way more than me or my husband because of the name we’re giving our son.

I find this incredibly disrespectful that he doesnt respect the name we have chosen as the parents to this baby and hurtful that he said this baby will love us less because of his name. I wanted to tell him how this was making me feel but my husband told me not to because he doesn’t view it as him being disrespectful and hurtful.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Edit:
Love all the support and advice yall have given me, it truly means a lot. My husband agrees that my fil is overstepping and we will be informing him when we see him during Labor Day Weekend.

My next concern is: FIL wants his nickname from the baby to be “Big Poppa” from the song by Notorious B.I.G. This makes me uncomfortable because thats a sexual song. Everytime he says Big Poppa, he always follows it with the line from the song “I like it when you call me Big Poppa”.

 

[richelleygirl]

@mogulmama My mom did this with my eldest. She has never called her by her given name. I’ll just say my mom hasn’t seen any of my kids in 2+ years.

It’s hurtful without a doubt & he’s a complete a** for saying that to you. Your partner (& you, if you want to) need to shut him down.

 

[mogulmama]

@richelleygirl thank you! first time i sent a bump picture to family, fil asked me if i was intentionally pushing my belly out……

im becoming more and more annoyed

 

[theghostwriter]

@mogulmama That guy sounds like an absolute jerk. If he can’t respect you then he doesn’t deserve to be around YOUR child. Remember you don’t know owe him anything, and it’s your son

 

[richardlp]

@mogulmama Don’t send him picture like that anymore

If he can’t handle information, he doesn’t get to know.

 

[mogulmama]

@richardlp im done sharing any information about the baby with him, he doesn’t even ask how im doing so he doesn’t get to know how the baby is doing

 

[valorieann91]

@mogulmama My FIL always says the wrong things too. I am extremely resentful toward him and can’t stand seeing him.
The latest was when he last visited he told me “I don’t care what your parents say (my baby) is all (my husband).” Like what the actual fuck. Like no he is not for one, for another why even bring my parents and their opinion into it, and why can’t you just say “oh my gosh he reminds me so much of you when you were little (my husband).”
So flipping annoying.

 

[ligaciputralinkalternatif]

@mogulmama nip it in the bud. Dont let the kid see him.

 

[jenniferscott]

@mogulmama No, tell him to give it a fucking rest.

This is exactly why you don’t share the name until baby arrives. No one wants your opinion grandpa!

 

[seascape7]

@jenniferscott

This is exactly why you don’t share the name until baby arrives. No one wants your opinion grandpa!

Yeah, but if you just have a decent family or a husband who has a backbone then it's not a huge problem. Plenty of people I know picked a baby name in advance and either their family didn't suck or they had the guts to shut them down. I didn't have this problem? People gave advice once and that was it.

I think you need to sit your husband down and say it's fine that he isn't hurt by his father's behavior, but you are. You find it disrespectful, and so do a lot of other people (you checked). So your husband has a few options:

1) He sets his dad straight himself. And if his Dad ever does this again in front of you husband has to immediately shut him down.

2) You're going to do it yourself. You don't like it and you aren't going to put up with it just beacuse husband wants to. If his Dad ever says this to you again you are going to tell him that he is making you uncomfortable by continuing to push you to change your son's name. Pushing and not taking no for an answer dosen't work with you, and at this point the more he pushes the more you are unwilling to ever do things his way as it's making you resentful. Him repeatedly insulting your son's name is hurtful, but when he said that your son would love you less that crossed a line. You found that extremely disrespectful and you won't be putting up with this anymore. There is a zero percent change you will change the baby's name at this point. And now that FIL knows how much you don't like it, you expect him to stop.

3) You can stop spending any time with FIL. All holidays etc until the baby is born can be with just your family. But husband needs to know that if your FIL does this again and husband dosen't IMEIDATEDLY shut him down you will. So husband better either keep FIL away from you or handle it himself faster then you can say something.

 

[stonefist]

@seascape7 Exactly. OP has a husband problem.

 

[mogulmama]

@jenniferscott love you!!

we are just incredibly excited as first time parents but definitely know for the future to not share crap.

Ive already had my fil give crap over boundaries etc and honestly im over him and his ways. only reason why he’s included is for my husband.

 

[jenniferscott]

@mogulmama Your husband needs to tell his dad to stop. We have a name, if you can’t call him by that name, you can’t be around him.

Also congrats!

 

[mogulmama]

@jenniferscott thank you!

 

[billybillyblue]

@mogulmama Don’t set yourself on fire to keep either man warm if this is how they’re going to act

 

[hunman]

@mogulmama If you're having any doubts about the name, I'd suggest r/namenerds. But some people on there are assholes, so take it all with a grain of salt.

 

[mmusa83]

@hunman

But some people on there are assholes

Yeah after the Cian post, I completely agree!

 

[jocelyn1988]

@mmusa83 I was super annoyed reading that one. That is a super common Irish name so I was like “wth” reading the comments. It’s not even a bad Irish name!

 

[mmusa83]

@jocelyn1988 I know! The amount of people telling her to change the spelling of her child’s name…umm no. They kept saying how different the name Cian was but they will offer up some hella different names…

 

[mogulmama]

@hunman no doubts here, just annoyed with a stubborn know it all fil