Does this sound like a reasonable and or normal to you life of a stay at home mom to a 2.5 year old?

[xeonome]

This is what my week looks like. Does this sound reasonable to you?

They rotate back and forth between day 1 and 2 throughout the week. Except on weekends.

Day 1.
Wake up pee dress wake my 2.5 year old dress him. Go to the kitchen and we both eat breakfast.

I am faster than him so while he finishes I put a load of dishes from the washer away and a new load on. Then I wash his hands and put a load of wet laundry in the dryer a new load of clothes in the wash.

Then I try and entertain my L.O . a little bit by putting on music they can jump to on the trampoline while I try and put dishes in the sink garbage in the garbage toys away etc. Unpack from camping for the weekend, sweep vacuum, clean the bedrooms, kitchen, halls.

Then I try and get 2 baskets of clean laundry away before its almost lunch time.

I take our L.O outside to play in our yard for an hour before lunch.

We come in I make something to eat and we eat then its naptime.

We wash our faces brush and floss our teeth then nap 2pm – 4:30pm.

Then we wake up get dressed and I put the wet clothes in the dryer and the dry clothes in the empty laundry basket. I empty the dishwasher re load it put it on again and then make dinner from 5-6:30.

My husband comes home and eats and sits at the computer or plays his guitar. He works from 8am – 5pm with a 1 hour lunch as a heavy equipment mechanic.

After supper He sits at his computer and plays his guitar.

I put all the dishes in the sink and empty the dishwasher again load it and put another load of laundry in the dryer and the dry clothes in the basket.

Then I play with our son for an hour before I bath him. While he bathes I wash the toilet floor counters clean the bathroom put in fresh toilet paper soap etc. Then I dry him off dress him brush his teeth get him ready for bed read him a story rub his back do deep breathes with him and put him to sleep.

By the time he is asleep and I am done it is 10pm.

Then I clean off the kitchen table. And make a breakfast and lunch for us the following day and prep drinks.

By the time I am done it is 11:30.

I make a pot of pupcorn and its 11:45 pm when I finally get the hour to myself I have been fantasizing about all day to read a book or relax or something. I think finally I will make some progress on the book.

But I am too tired to read the words wont stick in my brain or make sense anymore so I don’t eat the popcorn or relax and read a book. I go to the bathroom wash my face brush my teeth and go to bed.

Day 2.
Wake up at 7:30 we floss brush our teeth wash our faces dress get ready to go. At 9am we are on the road walking to Early On Play Center. (I am learning to drive and get my G2 at 37 years old) L.O sits in the stroller drinks and eats breakfast as I do while we walk there arriving at 10am. We play there until 11:30. Then we play in the park until 1 and eat lunch. We walk home L.O walks the whole way and are back by 2. It takes me a while to undress wash our faces rush our teeth get him ready for nap read a book rub his back do deep breaths.

We nap until 4:30.

At 4:30 we dress and I empty the dish washer put on a new load. Move the laundry forward so the baskets are all full with clean laundry.

I make supper form 5-6:30.

Dad comes home we eat.

He sits at the computer. Or plays guitar.

I clean up from supper and empty the dishwasher and put a new load on. Play with L.O for an hour before I brush his teeth wash his face change him dress him for bed read him a story rub his back do some deep breaths before he goes to sleep around 10. I empty the dishwasher put on s new load of dishes empty our lunch bag from today.

At 11:30 I eat the stale popcorn I made 2 days ago to eat during me time and try to enjoy the hour to myself I have before bed to read a book.

At Midnight
I get up wash my face brush my teeth and go to bed.

1 day during the week after supper we all go in the car to get groceries and essentials I made a list and meal plan of that we need.

I use a chalk board to organize our grocery list and tasks as well as a wall family calandar to organize plan and keep track of all doctor dentist hair appointments etc.

Next day is like the 1st and the following day like the 2nd except on Thursday I empty the garbage and recycling into the porch. My husband carries it out to the side of the road in the morning when he goes to work. And I pack everything for camping and we go camping on Friday night until Sunday.

I try to remember to bring my book to read up there camping and the night light and always forget a few essentials. My book or phone night light or sippy cup.

We arrive camping and I am ready to relax except for looking after our L.O and doing meals and always forget my book or phone.
.

Does this sound reasonable as a stay at home mom?

I ask because I used to love reading and doing art. I have been trying to read a new book by my favorite author for the past 2 weeks but haven’t gotten farther than 30 pages in because I never get any me time where I am not too exhausted to enjoy it and read.

We are camping this weekend again and of course I forgot my book.

My husband is building us a cottage with his brother and his dad. That’s what I call “camping". Every 2nd weekend I stay home with our L.O.

I would like to add I have severe CPTSD ANXIETY and Chronic Depression. I am only able to barely keep our house from being a complete disaster. I never have enough time to wash the microwave stove counters floors vacuum or really pick up well. I am not a hoarder but we live in a tiny trailer so our house always has toys all over the floor and looks like a tornado blew through greasy stove dirty counters cluttered everywhere. I only find time to shower myself around midnight after our L.O is well asleep.

We have dinner together as a family at the dining table. He also takes John camping and I get the weekend home to catch up on chores I can't during the week once or twice a month too.

 

[amy35669]

@xeonome Sorry, but what does your husband do with LO exactly?

I must have missed it whilst reading the most exhausting schedule I've seen to date, how are you functioning?

If he's pulling the "I work all day and need to unwind" card...so do you. This isn't fair to you at all.

 

[giaeve]

@amy35669 How can he find time with his LO when he's busy on the computer... or playing the guitar. /S

 

[flamingoandsparrow]

@xeonome No.

Like everyone has already said, your partner needs to do 10 million times more than what he's doing. But also, and please don't take this the wrong way I mean it nicely, stop doing so much. Why do you need to do laundry every day? Who is cleaning their toilet 3 times a week? As a sahm with depression/burnout in my history I 100% understand the importance of keeping active etc in order to not fall into disarray/depression...but lord above. This is too many chores tbh. Especially because your husband does nothing. Idk maybe I'm just gross but I set the intention of doing maybe 1-3 chores a day and that's it. And my house is relatively clean and comfortable.

 

[strugglingwithlife]

@flamingoandsparrow Bedtime also seems really late. At this age we aim for a 1.5 hour nap, then story time/lay down at 7pm to be asleep ~7:30pm and wake up at 7am. Then they’re still getting plenty of sleep, we have actual time to ourselves in the evening, and still a decent break during the day.

 

[flamingoandsparrow]

@strugglingwithlife Absolutely!! I didn't say anything about that since my son is only 4 months and I didn't want to speak out of turn. But WAY too little sleep. My son goes to bed at 7:30/8 and I get 3-4 hours of alone time before bed and he wakes up at 6. If this kid is only getting 8 hours of sleep....that indeed sounds horrible.

 

[strugglingwithlife]

@flamingoandsparrow Yeah, between 2-3 y/o they should be getting 12-13 hours still. It sounds like they are getting about 12 (9.5 overnight 10-7:30 and 2.5 nap) but that just seems really rough for life in general. I would also be on the verge of breakdown if I was going to bed at midnight/1am every night and having no time to myself to unwind.

Hope OP considers shifting the sleep schedule a little and getting “partner” to split some post-bedtime cleanup so they can both get 2-3 hours of chill time.

Plus as everyone else said, please do less! Less laundry, less dishes. If it takes switching to disposable plates and cups for a while - for your sanity, do it! If it takes buying 3 new packs of underwear, do it! (I did this myself, can now go 2 weeks without doing my own laundry. And we do towels + LO’s laundry probably 2x/week depending. And husband does his own laundry so I have no idea how often!)

 

[gembeldolar]

@xeonome Why are you doing three loads of dishes per day and multiple loads of laundry? Cleaning the toilet every other day? Do you actually need that?

I was killing myself with my newborn keeping our home spotless and it’s just not necessary. I let a lot more go or do more chores on fewer days

Also, now my husband does the dishes and big chores and I do most other daily maintenance.

 

[sue1215]

@gembeldolar Yeah what the hell is up with the dishes and laundry here. Even when we have a household of 3 adults, one achiol aged child, and one infant, we run the dishwasher usually just once- before bed. Unload in the AM. Laundry we usually have to do 2 loads (one of the adults is profoundly disabled and we wash his sheets daily). If it weren't for that, we could probably do laundry every other day.

Why would a three person family need to run the dishwasher 3+ times a say. Baffling

 

[gosplosionministries]

@gembeldolar If they are living in a trailer the appliances are super small. We did that for a bit before LO was born and hubby and I were doing laundry 3X a week and dishes every meal.

 

[kimw31]

@xeonome Does your husband ever do anything to help you around the house or with your child? It doesn’t sound like it and that’s not fair. I’m a stay at home mom and my husband’s work schedule is kind of different every day, but once he gets home, he helps me finish dinner and we eat together as a family, and then we do bathtime and bedtime as a team. Once my baby goes to bed around 7, my husband and I will watch tv and relax together until we go to bed. You need a break! This is exhausting and you’re doing it all alone.

 

[xeonome]

@kimw31 Yes My husband is teaching me to drive. I drive and we all go grocery shopping together which he pays for and he pays all the bills too.

 

[kimw31]

@xeonome That doesn’t mean your husband should get to come home and sit at the computer and eat by himself and then play guitar while you do everything. Is your routine working for you? Are you happy with how things are? Why don’t you ever get time to yourself?

 

[xeonome]

@kimw31 We have dinner together as a family at the dining table. He also takes John camping and I get the weekend home to catch up on chores I can't during the week once or twice a month too.

 

[kimw31]

@xeonome Ok. You said he eats at his desk, so I didn’t see the part about eating as a family. Anyway, you asked if this sounds reasonable. To me….no, it doesn’t. At least not in my opinion.

 

[aiyacha]

@xeonome So you don't get a weekend off at all, you're left at home to clean.

 

[neuroclusterbrain]

@xeonome Just because he pays for everything doesn’t mean he’s excluded from all parental duties.

Our agreement is while he is at work, the home and our baby is my full time job. But once he gets home we split responsibilities 50/50. He gets home around 5:30pm, I try to have dinner ready, we all eat together, then I go start the bath for LO, he brings me LO and I bath her and get her ready for bed, during that time he changes into comfy clothes and cleans up from dinner, then I bring LO to him around 6:30pm in her bedroom, he feeds her her last bottle (she’s 9 months), reads her a book, brushes her teeth, and puts her to be by 7pm. Then we hang out or do our own thing before going to bed around 9pm.

 

[redberry]

@xeonome Why are you doing so much laundry and dishes? Do you only have a single set of clothing and dishes? Your husband should contribute more around the house and with childcare but the amount of chores you are voluntarily taking on is outrageous.

 

[gosplosionministries]

@redberry If they are living in a trailer the appliances are super small. We did that for a bit before LO was born and hubby and I were doing laundry 3X a week and dishes every meal.

 

[ewkratz]

@xeonome i'm sorry what?? no. your husband needs to help manage the household and raise his child. this is unacceptable.. but its going to be hard to dig out of this. i wish you the best.