Does anyone feel that twins is just a setup to fail?

[onthisrock]

@balancedworld I have 21 month old twin boys, I feel your pain.

Looking at the situation objectively, it has gotten a lot easier/better since they were infants. Several different twin parents have told me it gets a lot better once they hit three because they start interacting with each other more and become a lot more independent. I'm trying to hold onto that has my light at the end of the tunnel, but yea, its a struggle right now.

We'll get through it, just take it one day at a time and try to enjoy the good moments when they happen instead of letting the negative moments dominate your thoughts all the time.

 

[balancedworld]

@onthisrock Yeah, I’ve heard the same about the magical age of 3! I’m hopeful for that.

And yes. No matter what 21 months brings its better than those early days!

 

[dbeach]

@balancedworld As I've found and was advised by twin parents that it is generally going to be harder in the beginning but get easier over time.

Some positives to look forward to are: your health if you're getting pregnant once.

Milestones, people with multiple kids will suffer trying to entertain different ages vs twins will most likely be interested in a lot of the same things at the same time. Think of trying to take a 10 year old to do things for a 2 or 3 year old.

Yes they will have a friend to play with it will grow over time. Sometimes I walk into the other room.amd just leave them and they start making up their own games and just started wrestling a bit.

Mine are 2.5 years old

Remember when you go to do things with them it's not what you want to do. It's what they will be able to do. For example hiking/climbing. Simply just walking a hundred yards is a blast in itself.

 

[daleksteve]

@balancedworld Do you have daycare as an option? Or a partner that helps out? I don’t feel this way at all, but my kids (27 months) are in daycare from 9-5 and my husband is with me every single morning and evening. 1-on-1 defense works pretty well for us. If one of us has to take a nap, the screams do get louder, and I can see how it would get overwhelming.

I’m so grateful I had twins, because I wanted more than one, but I can’t imagine ever being pregnant again.

 

[clynn82683]

@balancedworld Oh gosh just wait!!

It is incredibly rewarding seeing the "twin bond" develop as they get older.

We still absolutely have hard days, but it seems no harder than other parents with multiple children at different ages. Our identical girls will be 4 in August and they are best friends, inseparable most of the time honestly.

They share better in general than most kids their age because they've been doing it their whole lives, they have wild imaginations and have spent a solid 1 or 2 hours playing together upstairs while we clean/cook/game or read.

Bedtime has always been easier because they have each other. Even nowadays, we put them to bed and they might fool around and giggle in their room before falling asleep - but they rarely come out crying and fighting that they "aren't tired".

We aren't planning to have anymore kids, the original plan was two. We decided we want to take the kids on a trip to Disney when they are older (like 7-8) so that we can all really enjoy it (we live in Canada so it will be $$$$). If hadn't had the twins, we would likely have a 1 year old about now (if everything went according to plan lol) which would have postponed any major trips even further (I'm not taking a 3-4 year old to Disney ).

Our friends/family are having their second kids now, and are back on bottles, sleepless nights etc etc, meanwhile, we can say adios to all the baby stuff and sell a lot of it almost new since it wasn't used for multiple kids already.

Twins are harrrrrd, but in our experience, it gets exponentially easier the older they get

 

[odzr]

@balancedworld I spend most of my time, mocking the comments I’ve gotten of “I always wanted twins” and whatever variation of that people come up with. Usually when I’m struggling to do the most simple task, because everything is harder with twins. It’s twice the blessing (which we HAVE to acknowledge), but it’s twice the work (if not more). Your feelings are so valid. My girls are 16 months now and things get easier but new challenges will always arise. Find your support system and lean on them — this was hard for me but I realized I needed to do it, for them and for me.

You got this!

 

[drsolomon111]

@balancedworld Watching not one but two babies hit their milestones and seeing them develop into two individual people is enough for me.

 

[zachariah89]

@balancedworld I feel so much of what you’ve written. I find it so very hard.

They’re interacting now (7 months corrected) and it’s starting to have little sweet moments.

Like how when our girl twin is crying when we put her to bed, her older brother boy twin, who is often settled at the other end of his cot (they’re end on end) will turn around and crawl to watch and check she is okay. When she falls asleep he will go back to his position.

That’s the gold for me, the bond and the relationship they have that has meant this is a really efficient way to have babies. Don’t have to do two school drop offs, get to end nappies at once, generally at the same age sleep schedule at once, get to have them learn watching each other. So double the work but also double it once?

The moments are tiny and they’re not making up for the sheer load of this, but they’re little rays of sunshine in it all.

 

[balancedworld]

@zachariah89 Ha! The efficiency angle is def a plus. I don’t think it’s “two for the price of one” but, to use a PM term, it’s a way to parallel path two at once lol.

 

[zachariah89]

@balancedworld Yes!

 

[igivemylife2jesus]

@balancedworld Nope. The infant and toddler years are a lot of work, but, quite frankly, it's not the worst thing for kids to be raised by loving and attentive caregivers but not have every wish attended to immediately. Your kids aren't at the age at which they can play together -- that's coming. They're also not an the age at which there will be a logistical benefit to having two kids of the same age over two of different ages. We are so delighted to have twins now that they're middle-school age. Just wait -- things will get easier!

 

[andrewroxsox]

@balancedworld It's definitely hard, but it gets better! 2 was a hard year for our twins, but by thr time they were 3 it was much better! And the second set of twins has been so much easier, not sure if it's luck or experience on our parts.

 

[angus55]

@balancedworld I felt so mad. So frustrated when they were infants. It is so unfair. I just felt unbearably frustrated that I couldn't provide them what I wanted to provide them, like giving them undivided attention/love/holding.

Now my twins are 3.5 and it is soooo much better!! They play together constantly and I feel bad for people who only have one kid. I feel like that kid could easily feel lonely but my kids always have someone to play with.

I decided to have another child and I'm due in a couple months. I'm so excited to only have one baby and experience what everyone else got to experience.

I just totally get where you're coming from. It is not fair having baby twins, so guilt inducing. And they are actually considered "babies" until they're 2 I think so you're still in it, but it will get so much better!!

 

[balancedworld]

@angus55 Thank you for this. Validating and hopeful. Congratulations on the third!

 

[helper_pni]

@balancedworld I have 23 month old identical girls and I think I get very bitter about the fact that I went from zero kids to two. Sometimes when I’m out with only one I imagine how easy it would have been and how different how journey would be. I never get to just leave the house and go and I lost so much of my independence when I had them. I love them dearly but it’s just very stressful to go places and do anything with two at once. It’s also hard when you have no idea how to as a new parent.

 

[mohit0707]

@balancedworld I don’t want to sound rude or anything but… are you doing this alone? Where’s your partner in all of this?

I’m 7.5 months in with our girls and while there are hard days , I don’t feel like I’ve been set up to fail. I feel like I’ve been set up to learn . Both of our girls are so different since the day they were born, they’re reaching milestones differently and have very different personalities. We’re learning two different ways of parenting at the same time. I’m already say “no, don’t do that” to one of our girls , while encouraging the other to do certain things.

Obviously I still have a while to go and haven’t even reached the toddler stage yet but I see it as a learning experience and I have a partner that’s learning with me and growing with me through this. And even through the hard times, I’m having a blast because these two girls are going to drive me insane but while making me smile . And don’t get me started what’s going to happen once we have more ,especially since we’re planning on trying again for baby(babies) #3 or #3 & #4 by the end of this year.

It’s not supposed to be easy , it’s supposed to be a learning experience, that’s the trick.

 

[dumasdert]

@balancedworld It’s so overwhelming and frustrating some days. I have a twin that never sleeps and just cries. They are 12 weeks now and I also have an almost 3 year old. It’s like every time you put one baby down the other one is crying. Half the time I can’t remember who ate last, who I changed last etc. I work from home as well so I never get a break even if I have a sitter helping. My husband isn’t the greatest help unfortunately so it makes it worse. He then has the audacity to ask why I’m not “romantic” anymore. I have to explain how there’s 45 other things to do and unfortunately they take priority since he doesn’t feel the need to help. I’m so sorry, I wish i had a village. I think that would definitely be helpful

 

[balancedworld]

@dumasdert Hang in there. Even though I wrote the original post, and it’s hard, NOTHING was harder than the first few months. Honestly even today’s hard days feel better than the best early days. From my experience.

 

[tryeakle]

@balancedworld What has helped me is the theory of "good enough mother" instead perfect parenting. Donald Winnicott has written about this. I will also link to the study that says caregivers need only "get it right" 50 percent of the time when responding to babies' need for attachment to have a positive impact on a baby.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/05/190508134511.htm

And there are days I hang on to that 50% number like a life raft.

 

[balancedworld]

@tryeakle I chuckled at the 50% life raft bit. Indeed. Thanks for the link.