Does anyone else have a completely healthy older kiddo that still wets the bed?

[nyanmaru]

My son is twelve and wets the bed constantly. I thought it would start to slow down by now, but there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. He’s been to his pediatrician and urologist and everything checks out: he’s completely healthy. We’ve tried DDAVP, alarms, checked out constipation, and did a sleep study. We’re told that it’ll probably resolve as he enters puberty. He’s not showing any signs of development yet so I suppose there’s a little hope left. We’re ALWAYS encouraging and never make him feel as if it’s his fault.

I posted in this forum about a year ago asking a similar question. We got quite a bit of support (thank you!), but it’s been a year and we’re still in the same boat. It’s super discouraging, especially as we approach summer camp registration season.

Are we the only ones out there going through this? It seems super rare at this age because we don’t know ANYONE with this issue. Wetting the bed at 5-9 is one thing, but, as I’m learning, it’s far more difficult to deal with as he moves through middle school.

Anyway, I don’t really know if I have a question. Just a dad trying to see if our family is alone in this battle. Thanks, friends.

Also posted in r/parenting

 

[shmuel7]

@nyanmaru Mine did until 10-11. The alarm kind of worked until he started disconnecting it or sleeping through it. The pediatrician didn't see it as a problem and I figured that he got into a deep sleep and just didn't wake up. I didn't make a big deal about it. He grew out of it at the end of age 11.

The way I see it, it was not his fault. He didn't mean to do it. There was no 'revenge pee' or 'peeing out his anger'. He had a bladder of a certain size that would overfill and spill out at night. He wore goodnights for a long time. Then I stopped that because he asked (he felt like it was a diaper and it made him feel bad) and went to mattress pads. After a few weeks of waking up in a puddle he simply...stopped. I didn't do anything special. It worked itself out. It drove my husband insane. I worked with the elderly for a while and then kids who really did pee out their anger. I never saw it as a big deal, really. It was more of what I dealt with at work except he wasn't actively trying to pee on himself because of rules or abuse. His body could not accommodate the flow, you know. You can't fit a gallon into a quart. I think puberty and growing really was the thing that helped the most. Hang in there!

 

[nyanmaru]

@shmuel7 Thanks so much for the detailed response! Your story sounds a LOT like ours. Ups and downs the whole way through. Thanks for the encouragement

 

[johnscurry]

@nyanmaru When you went to the doctor, did they do blood test? For some reason, I vaguely remember a vitamin deficiency (B12 maybe?) being somehow connect to bladder control. Might be worth a blood draw.

 

[nyanmaru]

@johnscurry That might be something to look into! They did a blood test, but I don’t remember the doc looking for a vitamin deficiency.

 

[confusedmanxxx]

@nyanmaru My cousin's son was having this problem, and after several years, they finally discovered he had a tethered spinal cord and needed surgery, and that fixed the problem.

 

[marie1227]

@nyanmaru Just give him b12 supplements for a couple of weeks and see if it works. Why do a blood draw if not necessary?

 

[sikhajain]

@nyanmaru My little brother had issues with bed wetting until he was 12-13 years old. My grandmother would wake him up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I don't know if that helped him or if it was because of puberty but he stopped not to long after that.

 

[nyanmaru]

@sikhajain Exactly what we’re counting on…that it resolves itself

 

[carrollpiruith]

@nyanmaru I have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. My oldest son, who has struggles with ADHD and some anxiety issues as well wet the bed until he was 14. I feel like his pediatrician gave me the best advice he possibly could have. “His bladder will catch up when it is ready. Whatever you do, don’t make a big deal of it or make him feel shamed by this.” Wouldn’t ya know it, one day, he just grew out of it and let me know that the night time pull ups that I bought and snuck into his room and left for him so he didn’t need to worry, he didn’t need anymore. He is 18 now, and one day he thanked me for never making him feel bad for that, because at my ex husband’s house, my ex and ex MIL would tease him and ask him if he needed diapers. So, there is my answer, from experience. I hope it helps.

 

[nyanmaru]

@carrollpiruith Yeah, your comment really is super helpful. Honestly, just the reassurance that we’re not the only ones out there with this problem is enough. Thank you!

 

[nebulamoon]

@nyanmaru My 12 y/o has that issue sometimes. He wet the bed until like age 7-8, then a bed alarm fixed it right up. He was also highly motivated because his sister wasn’t and he still had to wear pull-ups. I know weak bladders run in my family-my brother and my mom were the same.

I don’t know why we’re seeing it happen occasionally, but he’s doing his laundry when it happens so we’ll see.

 

[nyanmaru]

@nebulamoon Same here. Ours is also doing his own laundry. Hopefully it clears up for you all soon!

 

[dorcas_12]

@nyanmaru DDAVP isn’t working? It WILL resolve - but in the meantime, the DDAVP can be brought to camp. He won’t be the only one on it.

 

[nyanmaru]

@dorcas_12 Good point. I should have been more clear. Yes, DDAVP does work while he’s using it (with the occasional mishap). It’s just not a long term solution, that’s all.

 

[dorcas_12]

@nyanmaru BTDT, we used it for about a year until he was able to sleep through without issue around…13? It was worth it for the improvement in his confidence and sleep. There was no downside for us. Plus it made summer camp possible.

 

[nyanmaru]

@dorcas_12 Thanks! It’s good to know that we’re not alone and others have walked this path. Without talking to people (because it’s not exactly something people want to talk about), it has a way of feeling like he’s the only 12-year-old to wet the bed.

 

[dorcas_12]

@nyanmaru Totally understand this!

 

[deacongirl]

@nyanmaru Unclear if this is part of what you've tried, but waking him in the night for a scheduled toilet stop can help. An hour or two before wet time usually happens. Kids can often be woken, steered to the toilet and back to bed while barely even aware of it.

Doing this helped both mine. They both tended to drink MASSIVE amounts of water just before bed. So before I went to sleep I'd roust each one out of bed and steer them to the toilet. They could usually be steered with a gentle shoulder touch and would barely even roll over once back in bed.

Eldest (9) now often gets up to pee in the night, as he adamantly refuses to try to pee before bed. Youngest (6) instead appears to have developed an iron bladder - often drinks ½ a litre of water (that's 2.5% or his weight, like an adult drinking 2.5L or an American gallon) before bed, sleeps through, has breakfast, squeaks, leaps up and goes for the most incredible racehorse pee. Ridiculous creature.

 

[mommabee68]

@nyanmaru You’ve been to the pediatrician and the urologist and they both told you it’s normal. It’s normal. I had a 12yo bed wetter. His dad’s brother wet the bed at 13yo. Boys develop this part of their brain later than girls. It’s not his fault. Nothing you can do except make him pee before he goes to bed and make him get up and pee again before you go to bed. Maybe wake him another time to make him go. It’s real hard because they are so ashamed of it they tend to not say anything and hide the evidence.