Did having a NICU baby change your tolerance to stress? Do you avoid triggering things?

[foreverroyal87]

@mrslambrou I work in healthcare and the same hospital I delivered/baby stayed. I don’t mind being in the hospital but I think it would be difficult for me to work in the NICU or L&D. The experience gave me a greater compassion for patients but working directly with NICU patients would probably be too emotionally taxing.

 

[mrslambrou]

@foreverroyal87 Thank you, I’m glad to know I’m not alone here. I definitely think i will be happy to look after postpartum mothers who have a baby in NICU, I have so much empathy now. You really do not get it unless you have been through it. But being right at the centre of the emergencies etc, I don’t think I can.

 

[joyp]

@mrslambrou That sounds like PTSD to me and it’s very understandable after what you went through. I recommend starting therapy with a therapist who specializes in postpartum/NICU and working through these feelings. I’m in postpartum therapy now and it has made a huge difference!

 

[mrslambrou]

@joyp Thank you, I appreciate it. I’m not sure as I never actually got diagnosed with that specifically. I did therapy for 6 months ish after which helped immensely, I was feeling so vulnerable and traumatized at the start. I’m actually 18m PP now and I’m generally ok in my home life (although I’m very protective of my daughter’s emotions, I barely leave her). It’s just being back in the environment, I just don’t want to go through it.

 

[help2012]

@mrslambrou I am not in healthcare but I did feel I needed to switch to a far less stressful job in my field after baby #2 was in NICU. It’s like it broke my nervous system, and I can’t even handle the slightest everyday stressor anymore.

Also still have pretty substantial anxiety about all things health-related. The thought of ever being in a hospital again just about gives me a panic attack if I linger on the thought.

You’re not alone or abnormal, a lot of us have feelings like yours after our experiences.

 

[mrslambrou]

@help2012 Thank you for sharing, it’s been really validating reading all these responses. What you said really describes how I feel. It broke my nervous system too. I read a bit of the book ‘your body keeps score’ and it’s about PTSD sufferers from war etc so not completely relevant, but he did say that it changes to it brain and makes your brain more reactive to stressors. When I read that I felt I related to that. I’m definitely on the lookout for a more relaxed job too.

 

[mtbking30]

@mrslambrou There is no such thing as overreacting. Your feelings are valid, and giving yourself the grace to accept them as they are is the first step in processing trauma. It is incredibly brave to acknowledge your emotions and find a solution that works for you.

 

[mrslambrou]

@mtbking30 Thank you, you’re so right and this means a lot. It’s good to be reminded x

 

[kyrie]

@mrslambrou Absolutely not overreacting. I had an easy NICU stay, both times were because of TTN. No birth trauma. One in for a week (3 days NICU, 4 step down) and 3 days (1 day NICU, 2 step down)

I didn't even realize that I was traumatized until I had to pass the NICU on the way to L&D for one of my multiple trips there before I actually had #2. Once he was born, I pretty much shut down as soon as he started grunting. I knew.

I wouldn't say I have PTSD from this (I have it from something else lol), but I still sobbed when an acquaintance had a delivery at 33 weeks. My heart shattered, and I spent the evening sobbing. Everyone was congratulating her. Nobody was acknowledging that she was going to experience hell. Nobody asked how she or her family were. Out of all the comments on that post, I was the only one that got a reaction because I asked how she was doing.

I can't even imagine how hard it is for those who had extended stays. Please take care of yourself. If I was in your shoes, I would probably try to transfer to another hospital. I am fortunate the hospital I gave birth at was an hour away, but I know from my PTSD that I would get triggered just driving by places associated with it.

Likewise, my therapist advised me back when I was 18 to not get into health care (which was my dream career), because it would likely make my PTSD worse because I would just traumatize myself some more. So, you may.... want to navigate that carefully. You probably will have better advice from other health care workers on how that could be triggering outside of L&D

 

[mrslambrou]

@kyrie Thank you so much for your response and for sharing what happened to you. Honestly everyone’s experience is so unique, and with a background of PTSD already no wonder you found it so traumatic. Any NICU experience can be traumatic, it’s horrible for so many reasons. That’s so true what you say, when people said congratulations to me it felt so strange, I wasn’t joyful. It didn’t feel like the right word at the time. I’m similar in that i feel so emotionally charged about babies, even recently doing some online training in prep to go back to work, I’ve found certain real life scenarios in there upsetting. That’s what makes me really nervous. I can avoid a lot of that avoiding L&D. I would transfer for a variety of reasons it’s not the best for me/for the family so I’m just going to give it a try (avoiding L&D) and see, reserving the right to leave if I feel I need to.

 

[kidj]

@mrslambrou I relate! I took six months of medical leave due to PPD/PPA/PTSD. My PCP referred me to Psych and now I’m doing group therapy with other PPD/ PPA moms. I also went on Lexapro for anxiety. This is all to say, it has done a number on my mental health

 

[mrslambrou]

@kidj Thank you for sharing, it is truly traumatic isn’t it. Unless you’ve been through it I don’t think you can fully understand. Nice to hear i’m not alone in my feelings x

 

[bluerose31]

@mrslambrou When I had my 25 weeker I lost all ability to handle anything in my life. He's 19 months and it's still a problem but not as severe. I want to be a NICU nurse and I am afraid of the triggers which is one reason I'm in therapy.

 

[mrslambrou]

@bluerose31 I’m also almost 19 months PP. I’m better now too but in the context of the hospital I’m not sure how I’ll be. 25 weeks is so early, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like x

 

[bborn]

@mrslambrou I’m a Tele nurse for 5 years and I was working while pregnant. I told my fiancé that I absolutely did not want to have my baby in the hospital because I feel like i have PTSD from working there and being in the hospital gives me anxiety. I stopped working when i was just shy of 5 months pregnant and 2 months later had to go into the ER and had my baby via emergency c-section at 28 weeks. For 4.5 months, i went to the hospital every single day to see my baby. I was able to pick up some new trauma from seeing what my baby had to fight through for those 4.5 months. now we have been home for 3 and seeing the NICU posts on my feed trigger me. I haven’t been able to look at pictures of my baby in the NICU without breaking down. I can’t imagine hearing those monitors beeping, the tubes and lines, scrubs, none of it. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to go back to work.

 

[mrslambrou]

@bborn You’re still so early in your journey, it all felt extremely raw for me when I was where you are. I’m 18m PP now and it’s a lot better emotionally. But we still don’t love looking at photos. I couldn’t look for a long time because it was too much. Seeing a psychologist really helped to validate my feelings and process them. I didn’t want to give birth at my work either, I was going somewhere else but my waters broke at 28+3 so I had to go there as the other hospital didn’t have NICU. I also had an emergency C section and was crying for most of it. If you can’t go back to being a nurse, that’s ok. I’m going back just one day a week as I have to, but I’m planning to find something else.

 

[freesoul88]

@mrslambrou Definitely not overreacting! I’m an echo tech , I delivered in a different hospital than where I worked but I scan babies in the nursery and NICU at my job(I was actually the only one that did the pediatric echos). after I went back to work I had to scan a baby about that age and size that mine was when she was born and it brought back a lot of the feelings of being there myself. I’ve since switched to an outpatient only position and honestly I still want to leave healthcare. Being around the babies used to be one of my favorite parts of my job but now it makes me sad

 

[mrslambrou]

@freesoul88 Thank you for sharing. Although it’s sad that we have to go through this, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one having these feelings. I also want to leave healthcare too I’m just waiting for the right thing to come up. I hope you find something that works for you and your family.