Coworker refuses to use sick leave, even though I’m 5 weeks pregnant

[rapture2012]

My fiancée (32NB) and myself (30F) just found out we’re roughly 5 weeks pregnant this past weekend. This will be our first pregnancy/baby and we’re so excited to see where this journey takes us. But I’m struggling to get my hopes up, especially since I work with an asshole. My coworker (50F) doesn’t believe she gets sick. But she’s been coming into work all week drowning in her own fluids, struggling to breathe, coughing everywhere, not wearing a mask, etc. She accidentally passed out in her car during her lunch break today, but claimed she “Feels fine, just a bit tired”. She’s a mother of 5 and truly believes if it didn’t happen to her in her pregnancies, it can’t happen to anyone. So when I snapped today and begged her to go home cuz I’m 5 weeks pregnant, she just said “Wow, congrats! Oh it’ll be fine, I was sick during all of my pregnancies and my kids are ok”.

As you can imagine, I’m furious and extremely hurt. Im terrified of causing fetal abnormalities, especially at this stage. I get sick super easily, so it’s likely I’ll come down with whatever virus my coworker is fighting. I’m wearing an N95 at all times, washing my hands constantly, I even cranked on an air purifier. But I’m still trapped in a tiny office with this woman 8 hours a day. I have a meeting with HR tomorrow, but I’m not hopeful that much will change. So kind folks of CautiousBB, should I be this concerned? Is the potential risk of NTD disproportionate? Or other viral birth defects? Miscarriage? What are the chances that I can actually get this baby to term unscathed despite the apathetic coworker? What’re your experiences with similar issues? Should I just cut my losses and quit my job? Any and all thoughts/opinions are deeply appreciated.

Edit: This has proven to me why Reddit is so unsafe to ask for support. I thought this thread was for anxious, expecting moms to ask questions without judgement? Thank you to all of the lovely, kind people who posted real information and offered compassion. I won’t delete since I think it has some great info for others to read. But I will not be active on this post for my own peace.

 

[stefanm]

@rapture2012 Please note that early miscarriages are common. The risk is about 30% during month one (and decreases each week) because of viability issues. Most external factors will not improve or worsen that outcome. It may make you feel better to take precautions and exert control over the situation, but I don’t think getting a cold or the flu early on will actually impact your pregnancy. Keep an eye on your anxiety and don’t let it consume you. That being said, nobody wants to be sick and that woman sounds gross.

 

[rapture2012]

@stefanm I absolutely agree with you and I’ve seen similar statistics in research articles. I’ve recently seen so much data on fevers during the 1st trimester and I’ve 100% wound myself up. My anxiety had been nonexistent until all this started. And some backstory: Infertility/miscarriage runs on both sides of my family + I had a miscarriage 1.5 years ago while I was a vet tech. Between the stress/physical requirements of the job, it really took a toll. I’m definitely having some flashbacks to that timeframe. But thank you so much for commenting!

 

[godsgal41]

@rapture2012 Just another data point: there’s no genetic cause for infertility. There can be underlying medical conditions that could potentially run in families (PCOS, endometriosis, etc.) which can sometimes impact fertility, but just because your mom/aunt/sister has issues conceiving is not a cause for concern yet.

I’m very sorry about the miscarriage, I’ve had losses too, but they’re more common than folks admit (and maybe you’ve been lucky to have families that are very open about it!) and the odds are good you’ll find success after one. As others have said, there’s very little we can control at this point—it’s viable or it’s not, and getting a cold isn’t going to be the make or break.

 

[txstrocker]

@godsgal41

there’s no genetic cause for infertility.

This is misleading. There are certainly inherited genetic factors that increase the risk of miscarriage or infertility. For instance, balanced chromosomal translocations lead to a high recurrent miscarriage rate. Fragile X premutation carriers are at heightened risk for primary ovarian insufficiency and early menopause.

Many people experience unexplained infertility, and so certainly someone's family's experiences may not inform their own fertility, but it's not accurate to say there's never a genetic cause.

 

[saughtandfound8]

@txstrocker Just wanted to second this - I have a Fragile X premutation and my dad’s family (comes from his side) has a history of primary ovarian insufficiency and early menopause. So as merp said above, it isn’t necessarily genetic but there are genetic conditions that can result in a family history of fertility issues unfortunately.

 

[godsgal41]

@txstrocker I think we’re in agreement? Maybe I just worded it wrong, but there’s no specific “infertility” gene. Which is something people do believe and I think unnecessarily stresses us out that just because some family members have infertility automatically means you’ll experience it too. As I mentioned, there are other conditions that do pass down genetically and can impact fertility—those same genetic conditions you mention are included there. But “infertility” itself is not inherited without another cause.

 

[celestialangel18]

@rapture2012 You didn’t miscarry because you were a vet tech. I would read up more on what causes early pregnancy loss.

 

[rapture2012]

@celestialangel18 I never said it caused my miscarriage. That would be silly and you clearly missed that enjoy reading medical research journals. But do I think the stress/physical requirements exacerbated my issues? 100%. I’m just sharing my truth, no need to be so rude.

 

[dadavid]

@rapture2012 From what I have read, having a fever early in pregnancy roughly doubles the odds of NTD, but the baseline is already rare. So it's something like taking your odds of an issue from 1/1000 to 1/500. This elevated risk is also mostly attenuated by taking a supplement with the recommended amount of folate.

I totally agree that it's crappy and gross of your coworker to come in so sick, but I think you are magnifying the degree of risk somewhat out of proportion with reality. If routine illnesses doomed pregnancies, we wouldn't make it long as a species.

It may be worth discussing the level of anxiety you're experiencing with a mental health professional. It's terrifying to deal with the prospect of losing a desperately wanted pregnancy, but the vast, vast majority of negative outcomes stem from things you can't control. Part of navigating pregnancy is learning to cope with not knowing with certainty that everything is going to be okay.

 

[rapture2012]

@dadavid Thank you!!! I was having a hard time finding exact numbers, then getting overwhelmed and having to divert my attention. Do you have a source by any chance? I’ve been on prenatals since TTC so that’s actually really soothing info.

And yes, anxiety is quite high. You can see my other comment for my info. But this is also an ongoing issue I’ve had with my coworker. She’s given me Covid at least twice, constantly sneezing/coughing into her own hands, etc over the past 2 years since I started this job. This pregnancy has just really put this boundary crossing into perspective for me and I cannot tolerate this kinda crap anymore. Add fears of miscarriage and you get this type of post lol.

 

[his_word_is_truth]

@rapture2012 I work with children aged 3-5 and have my own 2.5 year old. I’ve been sick twice this pregnancy and I’m only 8 weeks lol.

Yes there is a risk, but it’s very small, and if you do go on to have this child and then another, you can’t get angry at your own child for bringing every virus known to man home (and they will). Are you going to kick them out of the house for 9 months?

Many of the most dangerous viruses when pregnant (Fifths Disease, Chickenpox) are highly contagious before symptoms become obvious, or horrid ones like CMV often have no symptoms.

So whilst people can share articles that show a small risk negative health outcomes - what’s the point? Humans have viruses. You are a human, and you can’t control others. Unless you lock yourself away for the next 9 months then there’s no sense in worrying. Sure, wash your hands, wear a mask, but that’s where your control ends.

And when you have the baby, you’ll be angry about people bringing sniffly older children to shared play spaces. Until one day you have the sniffly older child at the play spaces.

 

[rapture2012]

@his_word_is_truth It’s amazing how you’ve twisted just about everything I’ve said. I didn’t say “Punish all those who get a cold”. I just think it’s rude someone would show up to work when they brag about having 200+ sick hours to spare. On top of that, I very clearly stated concern for the 1st trimester. I’m sorry empirical data upsets you, but your anecdotal experience doesn’t negate fact. I wanted to hear from moms who experienced similar situations and you’re not one of them.

PS- I worked in childcare for 10+ years so you sound foolish. I know what to expect and I understand kids get sick. So please approach the next person you write to with some compassion.