@billyli If money is not an issue, and it sounds like it wouldn’t be if you can afford daycare on one salary, you could keep him in daycare but reduce the hours he’s in. Maybe put him in like 9-2 or something. You’d be paying the same rate, but if he doesn’t need daycare but you still want the benefits, may be a good compromise
Considering quitting to SAH- looking for perspective on kid in full-time daycare
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@billyli I would keep working, but I’m a regretful SAHM by circumstance (we moved). My kiddo loved daycare & our time with him in evenings and weekends was amazing.
The studies on daycare don’t really (from what I’ve seen) account for socio-economic status, quality of care OR parental quality of life.
My personal mental/physical health as a SAHM is no where near as good as when I worked. I got more time to myself, adult interaction, mental stimulation, etc. not to mention that I’m probably decreasing my lifetime earnings in the order of 500-600k (maybe more) by taking this time out
So tbh unless there’s a very compelling reason to stay home, I wouldn’t.
The studies on daycare don’t really (from what I’ve seen) account for socio-economic status, quality of care OR parental quality of life.
My personal mental/physical health as a SAHM is no where near as good as when I worked. I got more time to myself, adult interaction, mental stimulation, etc. not to mention that I’m probably decreasing my lifetime earnings in the order of 500-600k (maybe more) by taking this time out
So tbh unless there’s a very compelling reason to stay home, I wouldn’t.
@andre002 I don’t think there’s a very compelling reason, other than it’s a fairly large distraction that I don’t feel motivated for. I resent that it takes away my time and energy from my kids. It’s impacting my breastfeeding of my baby, and I resent that too. I also don’t have time for anything for myself, which I’ve adapted to except for exercise - exercise is important to me and it’s difficult with working full time and having young kids. And we don’t NEED the money (even though the salary and earning potential I’m leaving is very substantial)…
aparnatrophy
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@billyli You may not need the money today, but consider that your excess income could go towards higher education for your kids and retirement for yourself (so your kids wont be burdened). The generational wealth you could give to your children could very well be a better boost in life than being a sahp as long as your work doesnt make you absent from their life entirely.
@aparnatrophy I feel this and it’s one of the major cons. But I’m hopeful that when they’re older and don’t need me as much, I can get back into work and making money. I’m trying to shift my mindset from thinking that money is the best thing I can provide for them to maybe my time is the more valuable asset i have right now. Idk. It’s all so hard and complicated and there are no right answers. And our society isn’t any help at all.
@billyli Just commented but lurking through this post and commenting again. Maybe it’s idealistic, but I feel like as attorneys re-entry is more like than other professions? If you keep up with your CLE, stay up to date on the law, keep up some of your connections…. I find it hard to believe you couldn’t find another job after say, 10 years out of the workforce. May not be the job you want or as prestigious, may have to “start over” as an associate to some degree. But I can’t imagine there would be nothing out there.
I would love to know if other attorneys have done this. I do know of one personally, but from Louisiana and it’s a bit slower pace there for attorneys than some of the bigger cities.
I would love to know if other attorneys have done this. I do know of one personally, but from Louisiana and it’s a bit slower pace there for attorneys than some of the bigger cities.
@billyli This is almost exactly the age of my kids and what we do. I started staying at home full time when oldest turned 2, and she did 2 days a week at daycare so I could go to dr appointments and rest in my last trimester. A few months after the baby was born around 2.5 she started full time. I drop off around 9 and pick her up about 4 so we mostly avoid the worst rush hour traffic. I do miss her during the day but she loves her class.
If she does seem like she needs more mom time I can also keep her home for the day. Now that my 5 month old has a bit more of a settled routine that’s easier. I took them both to the park solo the other day and it went mostly well but I did have to yell and chase after the 2.5 yo when she decided to go off to unsafe places where I couldn’t bring the stroller.
I get bored at home pretty easily, so I try to get out a lot. I am on a nonprofit board so I am still volunteering about 8 hours a month or so doing that. I can shop when it isn’t as busy. Go on walks. I bring the little one out to have lunch with a friend occasionally, or to visit family nearby. We go to his PT appointment once a week and sometimes go to the library baby story time. It’s been enough that I don’t go insane.
Not sure how long I’ll do it for…I’m thinking until the youngest is maybe 2 or 3 max, but I recently was looking at jobs so not totally sure.
If she does seem like she needs more mom time I can also keep her home for the day. Now that my 5 month old has a bit more of a settled routine that’s easier. I took them both to the park solo the other day and it went mostly well but I did have to yell and chase after the 2.5 yo when she decided to go off to unsafe places where I couldn’t bring the stroller.
I get bored at home pretty easily, so I try to get out a lot. I am on a nonprofit board so I am still volunteering about 8 hours a month or so doing that. I can shop when it isn’t as busy. Go on walks. I bring the little one out to have lunch with a friend occasionally, or to visit family nearby. We go to his PT appointment once a week and sometimes go to the library baby story time. It’s been enough that I don’t go insane.
Not sure how long I’ll do it for…I’m thinking until the youngest is maybe 2 or 3 max, but I recently was looking at jobs so not totally sure.
clovertravis
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@billyli I’m currently a SAHM but my 2 year old is enrolled in a 1 day a week preschool starting in the fall because I feel like socialization and making friends is going to be good for him. (And breaks from him are good for me).
I think the important thing is to do what feels best and most functional for your family!
I think the important thing is to do what feels best and most functional for your family!
@billyli My daughter isn't in school yet. She's almost 2 and we'll put her in prek at 4. However, your son is used to school and enjoys it so I would lean into that. It will make him happy to still go and make your day a little easier with an infant at home. It would be totally fine to delay putting your youngest in school. As other people mentioned, under 3, it's not going to make a huge difference to them.
I just recently became a SAHM and my decision was driven by our schedules. My husband is in school, works overnights but does a 4x10 schedule which often turns into 4×12's. He wasn't getting much sleep, I ran out of sick time early in the year due to illness and I was already working PT.
Now we have more time as a family, dinner time is easier, if our daughter gets sick there's no stressing over who calls out and whether we'll get reprimanded, etc. It was the better option for our family. If you can afford it, and you don't love your job and will feel lost without your career, go for it. You can always leave on good terms and see if you can go back if it isn't working for you. And there are always other jobs if not.
I'm able to actually stay on top of the house, bring her to activities/get outside more, focus on my degree & take care of myself better being a SAHM. No regrets so far.
I just recently became a SAHM and my decision was driven by our schedules. My husband is in school, works overnights but does a 4x10 schedule which often turns into 4×12's. He wasn't getting much sleep, I ran out of sick time early in the year due to illness and I was already working PT.
Now we have more time as a family, dinner time is easier, if our daughter gets sick there's no stressing over who calls out and whether we'll get reprimanded, etc. It was the better option for our family. If you can afford it, and you don't love your job and will feel lost without your career, go for it. You can always leave on good terms and see if you can go back if it isn't working for you. And there are always other jobs if not.
I'm able to actually stay on top of the house, bring her to activities/get outside more, focus on my degree & take care of myself better being a SAHM. No regrets so far.
@billyli I think you just need to do what feels right.
When I became a SAHM I was certain that I’d go back to work once my kids were born in full day school. But next year my youngest starts full day kindergarten and I still feel like me staying home is the right choice. And my husband has worked his way up the corporate ladder that we can afford me not going back to work.
I think maybe I’d do a little less time in school if you are able just so that you can also do fun stuff with your kid during the day sometimes. But only
If you want. My sister sends her daughter to school twice a week. My son goes to preschool for 3 hrs a day. It’s nice that they get time at home but also get to go to school as well.
But like I said you have to do what feels right to you. Im looking forward to being able to volunteer at my kids school often, be on the PTO board, Girl Scout mom, and being able to clean/manage my home without having to give up any valuable kid/parent time.
When I became a SAHM I was certain that I’d go back to work once my kids were born in full day school. But next year my youngest starts full day kindergarten and I still feel like me staying home is the right choice. And my husband has worked his way up the corporate ladder that we can afford me not going back to work.
I think maybe I’d do a little less time in school if you are able just so that you can also do fun stuff with your kid during the day sometimes. But only
If you want. My sister sends her daughter to school twice a week. My son goes to preschool for 3 hrs a day. It’s nice that they get time at home but also get to go to school as well.
But like I said you have to do what feels right to you. Im looking forward to being able to volunteer at my kids school often, be on the PTO board, Girl Scout mom, and being able to clean/manage my home without having to give up any valuable kid/parent time.
@billyli My kids are a bit older than yours, but my 3.5 year old has been in forest school since just before she was three, and my 2 year old will start when she’s 2 years 10 months (there’s some licensing thing with that age, idk). My older is in school 9-3, and it’s perfect. She gets a lot out of being at school and making friends, and my younger gets much needed one on one time in the morning, and I get 1-2:30 free while she naps.
nehemiah91
New member
@billyli This CriticalScience article is worth a read: https://criticalscience.medium.com/on-the-science-of-daycare-4d1ab4c2efb4
mariomarco
New member
@billyli Why don't you start your own business with your free time? Go back to school maybe?
I'm not the type to just stay home and do nothing once the kids are in school personally! I have too much drive and ambitions and I'd be so terribly bored. So I start small businesses to keep myself busy. You can do this while the baby is home too. Gives you flexibility for pick ups sick days and such! I do it at home and homeschooled four kids but since its growing two kids are going to this amazing montesorri Waldorf mash up school in august. I think age 3 is the perfect age to start preschool and I would have started mine sooner but we weren't close to this school previously. But since your child loves her school for sure keep her in! Maybe not full time? Does it have to be 8 to 4, 5 days a week? Seems like a lot if you don't have to?
Being home giving one on one time to each child is important. The ages 0 to 3 actually set your child's brain up for the rest of their lives so for me I personally like to be the one in charge of that crutial time
I'm not the type to just stay home and do nothing once the kids are in school personally! I have too much drive and ambitions and I'd be so terribly bored. So I start small businesses to keep myself busy. You can do this while the baby is home too. Gives you flexibility for pick ups sick days and such! I do it at home and homeschooled four kids but since its growing two kids are going to this amazing montesorri Waldorf mash up school in august. I think age 3 is the perfect age to start preschool and I would have started mine sooner but we weren't close to this school previously. But since your child loves her school for sure keep her in! Maybe not full time? Does it have to be 8 to 4, 5 days a week? Seems like a lot if you don't have to?
Being home giving one on one time to each child is important. The ages 0 to 3 actually set your child's brain up for the rest of their lives so for me I personally like to be the one in charge of that crutial time
@mariomarco His school doesn’t offer part time but I would pick up earlier if not working.
I would love to go back to school! Just feels kind of crazy because I’ve already been through many years of expensive schooling…but I have always kept that as a potential option in the future.
I would love to go back to school! Just feels kind of crazy because I’ve already been through many years of expensive schooling…but I have always kept that as a potential option in the future.
mariomarco
New member
@mariomarco What kind of businesses do you start/run? I have an 8mo and it feels like negative free time right now, but I imagine in even a year having more free time and getting back into graphic design. Our plan is for me to SAH and homeschool but it is NOT because we have a bunch of money. If I could help even a little with income it would be ideal, as long as it doesn't compromise the care of my kid(s).
mariomarco
New member
@foxxi I like to start things and then hire out and stsrt something new to take up my time haha so its been many great things and a couple things i realized id rather not persue fully. My latest venture is a clothing company!
Whatever you do, make sure your hearts in it and then you'll naturally make money if you're priced correctly and people like your stuff. This is the social media age so you'll want to use them as income funnels to your website. And website needs to be professionally done with SEOs and you'll have to pay for ads too.
Costs money to make money but so worth it to be home with the kids and making good money
Whatever you do, make sure your hearts in it and then you'll naturally make money if you're priced correctly and people like your stuff. This is the social media age so you'll want to use them as income funnels to your website. And website needs to be professionally done with SEOs and you'll have to pay for ads too.
Costs money to make money but so worth it to be home with the kids and making good money