Comments about baby’s weight

[iktmrl]

Why in the world do people think it’s okay to make negative comments about a baby’s weight?

My baby is on the bigger side and does have some little fat rolls and chunky cheeks but according to her pediatrician is right on track for her growth curve and is healthy.

Some of the comments I have gotten about her weight are “you need to make sure you don’t feed her too much or she will end up being fat” “she’s really big are you trying x,y, and z before you feed her, you don’t want her to be a butterball” “you need to watch her weight”.

She is literally 4 months old!! If she is acting hungry and we have tried other things already you bet I’m going to feed her.

I’ve also heard comments about small babies too. My sister was in the 1st percentile and at 16 months only weighed 15 pounds, she was healthy just very very small. People made comments all the time about her being too small, questioning her ability to reach milestones and at one point even had someone from the county to come check on her to make sure she was being fed.

How do you respond to negative comments like this? I’m trying to figure out a more polite way to say fuck off when things like this get said to me about my baby.

 

[busryde]

@iktmrl "the doctor is very happy with her health and weight"

"Are you saying you'd rather have my baby starve?"

 

[soulwanderer13]

@iktmrl Did you mean to say that out loud?
Ooft, those are some complicated body image issues. Might want to discuss that with someone.
Baby is following their growth curve nicely, thank you.
I don’t believe I asked for an opinion on baby’s body.
Some things are inside thoughts.

 

[quirkymango]

@soulwanderer13 "Some things are inside thoughts" is such a good one. I saw a Facebook reel recently about how to respond to nosy family with gentle parenting techniques and it went "Uh oh, Aunt Marcy! That's Baby's private medical information! Just because they're a baby doesn't mean they don't have a right to respect and privacy! Is there a problem with this boundary or do you just disagree with it?" and now every time I hear about someone being nosy I just go "Uh oh Aunt Marcy!" in my head. Some thoughts are inside thoughts, and babies deserve respect as well

 

[thomass]

@quirkymango That creator is gold.

 

[kahlmom]

@iktmrl Ugh I have a baby at the opposite end of the scale and one of our neighbours said to me last week ‘are you sure you’re not starving her’ no SIR she eats 8+ times a day and we supplement she’s just a small bean

 

[vanerahelson]

@kahlmom I have one of those. Came out 5lbs, currently almost 15lbs at 5 months. She E A T S constantly, and yet the same people that would bitch about me nursing in public are the ones to make the ‘starving’ comments. Can’t fucking win.

 

[illuminaticlub]

@kahlmom Same. My guy has always been

 

[unekfaith]

@iktmrl This goes so many ways. People should not make comments about anyone’s weight but man, it hits hard when it’s your baby! My baby is skinny, I don’t get a ton of negative comments but it’s always bugged me when people call him small or skinny. My cousin has a baby the same age and he weighs a LOT more and he’s chunky. She gets SO many comments about how big he is when we are together. It makes me feel terrible because they’re comparing her baby to mine, too. And honestly, her baby is so healthy! My baby has a ton of feeding struggles! There’s just so much judgement and everything about feeding your baby, it sucks. I feel you. Sorry for the rant, it’s just frustrating when people make comments!

 

[iktmrl]

@unekfaith People seem to forget that there are boundaries when someone is pregnant or has a young baby.

 

[rhemajoy]

@iktmrl Yes it’s like some people think if you’re pregnant or are raising a baby, suddenly you’re not a person anymore, you’re a vessel for the future of humanity and therefore become the property of all humans.

 

[smartiesrich]

@iktmrl I ask them what Cracker Jack box they got their medical degree from. Babies are SUPPOSED to be rolly polly, they're growing at an astronomical rate!

 

[chretien22]

@smartiesrich These comments are also somewhat damaging. My girl is not a “rolly polly” she is skinny despite eating 25+ Oz a day of bottled breast milk (her comfort MAX) and cereal. Saying they’re “supposed to” implies that skinny babies aren’t healthy when they ARE it’s just all their calories are going toward height and not weight etc.

 

[tygra_1983]

@chretien22 Agreed, although the whole issue should really just be left alone! The comments of how my baby was ‘so small’ were just a knife through the heart when I was desperately trying to breastfeed and get my supply up etc. She didn’t bump back up her curve until she went dairy free but it wasn’t from lack of care!

 

[rhemajoy]

@tygra_1983 Ugh I said this to someone the other day about their baby being small but it was only because we were in a group for 0-18 months and mine is now 17 months old so seeing how small the much younger babies were reminded me of how much mine has grown, so I meant small as in, oh my god babies are so small at first but then look how big they get just a year later! But the woman looked a bit sad and told me how her baby was born really small etc so I worried she might’ve thought I was commenting on his particular smallness rather than general baby smallness (I had no idea how old he was at first so literally just meant it in a ‘babies are tiny you forget how little they were’ way but I think I might’ve offended her.) But wasn’t sure what to say to rectify it so babbled a bit about how big they grow and mine used to be little. Ugh I felt awful. I had it with my baby being big like the OP of this post so I know it’s irritating when people comment on your baby’s size for their age. Think I’ll avoid making comments about size in any capacity or context now, hate the thought I might’ve upset that woman if she didn’t understand what I was saying

 

[tygra_1983]

@rhemajoy It’s so difficult isn’t it. That was definitely the way the comments I got were too. The one I most remember was a friend and colleague who has kids and grandkids but they’re all bigger now. She was just enjoying that tiny baby feeling but my whole life felt like it revolved around getting feeding right and it was crushing at the time. Now I can look back and see that really clearly but I was a bit over focussed back then! I’m sure the person you spoke to will be able to know the difference too.

 

[rhemajoy]

@tygra_1983 Yes you never know what someone is going through and how harmless comments from your perspective could be hurtful so it’s best to refrain from commenting on it at all!

 

[soulier32]

@iktmrl We feed on demand in this house. My girl only cries when she's sleepy or hungry. They're different cries. If we don't feed her when she's hungry she won't stop crying until she's fed. Tell them to get a life!

 

[peble]

@iktmrl People say the same thing to my son (11.5m). He has chubby cheeks but at his 9m appt he was literally in the 12th percentile for his weight. And has always been in the 6-15th percentiles for his weight since birth. Making sure my son is eating enough has always been a huge stressor for me as a new mom. He has always been growing at every appointment we’ve been too so our pediatrician tells us not to worry but it’s always there lingering in the back of my head. So it’s very triggering when someone tells me my son is fat when it’s just his cheeks.

So I can relate but on a different level.

 

[brumback1221]

@iktmrl It's so obnoxious when adults talk about how big or small a little kid or baby is. Just leave them alone and let them live.