Choosing NOT to do daycare

@fab01 I'm a big fan of daycare as a saver of parental sanity. That said, as a kid my sibs and I were home with a nanny until pre-k at age 4. I was a little socially awkward, but my younger sister did just fine.
 
@fab01 I know lots of families have to use day care, so I mean no offense to anyone who needs to use daycare. But daycare care is mediocre at best. There will never be enough adults to give kids loving attention (which is what they need most), the adults will never be paid enough to really care about your kids (or even attract quality adults to look after your kids in the first place), and the stats about socialization are really just a marketing ploy. Honestly, kids don't even really notice other kids until 3. There are lots of studies showing that group learning like day care of preschool doesn't benefit kids until 3. Of course, part time programs that are just for a few hours here or there won't make any difference in the long run.

Good luck!!
 
@fab01 Didn’t do daycare because the cost was nuts. Was privileged enough to have someone in my life that watched them. They went to 2 days of pre k at 4.
Normal, adjusted kiddos with great friends and they are 13.
 
@fab01 There's actually a study (and related articles) that come up a lot on /r/sciencebasedparenting that talk about the impact of daycare at various ages. According to these studies, before 3 daycare is detrimental and can lead to poor behaviour at school. The earlier they go to daycare the worse it is. Babies don't really do that much socialising and social play, in the first year or two they benefit most from one-on-one time with adults, which they don't get at daycare. It's only once they reach 2.5-3 years old that daycare starts to become beneficial from a socialising perspective. So don't feel guilty!

A nanny is probably a better option if you have to work.. and lucky us in this sub.. a nanny is usually cheaper than daycare x 2 (or 3 or more).
 
@frank3 That’s great to know. And funny enough I actually was considering a nanny but let my FIL talk me out of it because he said he wouldn’t be keen on a stranger in the home
 
@fab01 Yeah, I am super shy and super introvert so I really disliked the idea of having a stranger all up in my space but I reaaaally didn't want to do daycare and I wfh so I liked the idea of being able to pop out and see them..

Ultimately it worked out really well though. We took our time in finding someone and waited for someone I was comfortable with and she's amazing. I hear her playing and singing to them and them giggling and it's lovely. She's so patient when they cry and tantrum too. And she's lovely to talk to and it's been a pleasure getting to know her. It's actually really cool.
 
@frank3 I would be working outside of th e home so there would be that to factor in but can I ask what your interview process was like? What you asked and what sold you on that person? Did you do word of mouth, an ad, care.com?
 
@fab01 I'm in the UK but I was basically searching on childcare websites. Lots of back and forth online before inviting people for an interview.. then really just chatting.. asking about experience.. and questions like.. "How would you handle a situation where they were both melting down at the same time?" just to really put them on the spot. I also wanted someone with previous twin experience. But mostly just very casual and to see if I felt comfortable with them and could just chat easily. We ended up just chatting to her about random stuff for ages.
 
@frank3 I probably jumped the gun a little too quickly. I’m not doing a nanny then lol. I guess I will go ahead and look back into that, thank you for your remarks.
 
@fab01 Around here, daycare costs as much as my wife makes a day, so we are not going to put them in daycare. We are also lucky enough that their grandparents can help out 1-3 days a week.
 
@fab01 What are you talking about? We send our twins and their older sister to daycare. It's not that expensive.

(Did I mention my wife works at the daycare and gets a very significant discount)

Edit: I don't think people got my joke. It's absolutely expensive, we wouldn't be able to afford it without the massive discount.
 
@cherry_78 To have to pay the same amount or more than your mortgage for daycare is extremely expensive. I get that they’re learning, socializing, being cared for and have some supplies provided but as An example, our state average is looking to be $2700 a month for full time care which equates to $33,000 a year….for daycare. My perception of finances tells me that’s expensive. Also I have worked at a daycare before. I can hang with my kids, i cannot hang with 10 kids that belong to other people.
 
@fab01 Daycare is not a necessity. You’re absolutely not holding them back. We’ve been lucky to have overwhelmingly positive experiences so far, but I’ve also seen some centers/teachers I wouldn’t feel comfy leaving my kiddos with long-term.

SAHM life was not for me. I am so much better as a working mom, even though it’s very difficult.
 
@fab01 Not at all, I’m a SAHM to 19 month old boys, they still get to explore, I can take them out (occasionally) their grandparents visit and they are still social little boys. They just always have access to me and their dad (who works from home). Their confidence and willingness to explore is through the roof and we can offer the same play opportunities. At this age, they might be willing to play alongside, playing with other children wouldn’t come into it for a while yet, and they have each other and a couple of cousins for that as well
 
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