Calling All Moms Who Have Breastfed

@lukester09 Boundaries are sooo important at this age. And it’s hard! Everyone hates boundaries - toddlers especially! But when you’re nursing a toddler, you HAVE to have limits, or they will nurse constantly.

I have a 17 month old. At home, I allow him to nurse before sleeps (bed/nap), once in the morning, once after lunch, once in the evening, and when he’s hurt. Does he ask to nurse other times by trying to undress me? Yes. I’m constantly saying “no, we don’t undress mommy”, “no, that’s not how you ask to nurse”, and modeling asking “babas please”. I don’t let him nurse outside the house, much to his dismay.

It’s hard! He hates it! But I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I know what nursing a toddler and infant is like (I’ve done it before), so those limits are so important to set now. I offer lots of snacks and water when it’s not a nursing time, and snuggles when he just wants to be close to me.
 
@lukester09 In my experience, which feels like a million years ago now (youngest is 7, all 3 were breastfed until a mutual stopping point between 15-25months)... It is okay to say no.

Redirecting without a hard "no" made me feel a lot better. "Milk is all gone right now, do you want to have a snuggle instead?" "I will give you milk before bedtime tonight. Right now it's time to play!" I saved the "no" for non-negotiable behaviour such as lifting up/pulling down my shirt or pinching.

It is hard on the kiddo and also hard on mom. Be gentle with yourself. This won't last forever, and that's bittersweet, but while you're in the trenches it can feel like it's not worth the effort to fight them. I promise that gentle boundaries can be a good thing -- trust your instincts. If your kiddo is sick or teething, they will need that closeness, and "whipping out the boob" was always the most reliable way for me to comfort my kids... But growing up is natural and good, too. The closeness doesn't have to stop when you give up breastfeeding. ❤️

You've got this!
 
@lukester09 This was my daughter. I paid attention to the circumstances of her wanting to nurse and realized she just wanted close comfort (I was busy and not giving her 100% of my attention). Instead of breastfeeding I would just offer her a preferred snack and let her eat it while sitting in my lap which helped distract her well enough that she’d forget for a little bit that she wanted to nurse.

What finally weaned her once and for all was going on a week long business trip. She nursed once when I came home and then we were done.
 
@lukester09 I started cutting feeds around 16 months and my son was very against it. But when he’d try I’d give him his water and a snack. If he cried I would comfort him still but stuck to the boundary and it took maybe a week for him to get over me saying no sometimes. He’s just over 2 now and we still nurse once before bed usually but I have set a 5 minute limit on it and he’s done well with that after the first couple times. I tell him minute by minute so it’s not just out of nowhere “okay you’re done!”
 
@lukester09 I had a clingy boob monster that I weaned at 2. He was similar, wouldn’t really do bottles, or soothers, we slept together…sounds very similar to you. lol

Eventually, he just started eating more and only started nursing for comfort. And I got tired of being a human milk machine so I started weaning, slowly. I dropped all the daytime feeds, one at a time, until we only nursed first thing in the morning.

I used bandaids to cover my nipples and somehow, that made sense to him if I said I had a boo boo and he couldn’t have milk right now. Or sometimes I’d tell him my nipples were empty and would offer a cuddle and a cup of cow milk instead. Weirdly it worked?
 
@lukester09 Hi! I’m just here to give you props for exclusively breast feeding for that long, and in general. You’re a boss. My son - I was able to get away with 6 months. My daughter, barely two months.

There’s a lot of great advice in these comments, especially setting boundaries and giving him different choices. BigLittleFeelings has been a great resource for me for advice other than Reddit! Best of luck, sorry this comment isn’t great advice I just think it’s awesome that you EBF and lasted so long! Take care!
 
@lukester09 Ugh this was mine. I day weaned him around then because I couldn’t take it anymore- he cried and put up a huge fight. I had to keep reminding myself that it was for my mental health and that was important. Then I finally night weaned him at around 2.5, same thing.

In the moment it was hard, but I don’t regret it. He’s 3.5 now, and the snuggliest boy in the world.
 
@lukester09 Demonstrating body boundaries is important, it’s ok to set a limit on when he can nurse. Something easy and baby understandable like “we only nurse in this chair now” Be consistent and after a few days of quite a fuss he will understand the line you have drawn.
 
@lukester09 First off, you're not failing, you are trying to teach him a new way of getting full. When in his mind the boob is easy, available, and he knows it well. You haven't fucked up at all.

But the other question is is it comfort or hunger? Or maybe both? Does he make the fuss if someone else gives him food or drink? I would test it out and see if maybe some one else gave him food if he would eat more or does he just wait for you. Like if the boob isn't hanging around and he has no option then maybe he'll eat more. Have your man get him up and give him food while you stay in bed or leave the house for a few minutes. Or have you tried feeding him off your plate (I know, another bad habit to break later, but it might help now). My little one is what we call a lazy eater, so if he can drink it, or if we cut it up and put it in his mouth he likes it, or if it's on my plate and I'm eating it then he wants it. It sucks, but often I'll make "my plate," which is actually just for him, and he sits on my and we share.
 
@teribahome It’s honestly both…..? I think mainly comfort lately because he’s cutting teeth and growing a shit ton.
I love this advice thank you! I actually have been telling my man lately, “Here you feed him. He will want it from you more.” And that’s been working.
As well as showing him I’m taking a bite or eating it / letting him take it off my plate.
Honestly he’s a bit all over the place. Sometimes he’s just more stubborn than others.
 
@lukester09 That's just kids. They change from day to day, will love something one day and then refuse it for months. But that's okay, and thats how they learn and grow. Some times mine would only eat if we spoon fed them, sometimes they would only eat what they could feed themselves. Just to make motherhood even more fun.
 
@lukester09 You are doing fine. It’s normal at this stage. My babies were the same way. I would use treats like fruit smoothies and popsicles to distract when it wasn’t a good time to nurse.

I would console myself with the knowledge that I could eat the food for them. I love to eat so the calories burned nursing an active toddler let me indulge.
 
@lukester09 I think you got some great advice. So I just wanted to say that I don't think you fucked up at all. My kiddo got really sick and went through an EXTREMELY picky stage from a year until like 2 years. At one point she only ate like 10 foods so I had to rotate constantly and just keep trying new foods. Its not like you can force them to eat... Maybe start by increasing his solid foods and keep trying new foods. Introduce new foods when he is hungry but not starving. Maybe start doing more bottles to give yourself a break and to break his association from the boob. You got great advice and half the time I don't know what I'm doing so i wont keep going on. BUT just wanted to say...hang in there. You didn't mess up. Parenting is HARD. Also not sure why people are down voting you.
 
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