@georgiana I think I would need more context to really make a suggestion. Like just a single word in the text thread isn't enough. If it turns out the girl was bullying him and he lashed out, I would opt to explain how he should have handled the situation (block her, not engage, etc). If it turns out he's harassing her and called her a B for not answering, much bigger consequences (take phone, huge discussion on consent and respect, etc). You probably have more details than were presented, but I certainly wouldn't pass judgment just based on one word.
I caught my 13 year old boy calling a little girl a “b***h”
@sayyywhat The situation is the latter, unfortunately.
@georgiana Maybe have a look at his Internet history
@georgiana I wouldn’t be inclined to punish my 13 year old for this behavior. It’s an incredible learning opportunity for you as a parent.
lxlxlxlxlxl
New member
@monchichi And how about for the 13 year old girl who was just harassed and called a bitch?
@lxlxlxlxlxl It’s an incredible learning opportunity for her as well.
Not every bad behavior instance needs a punishment.
You are free to feel differently.
Not every bad behavior instance needs a punishment.
You are free to feel differently.
nejtilsvampe
New member
@lxlxlxlxlxl Maybe your idea of justice is warped
katrina2017
New member
@georgiana This is why 13 year old boys with undeveloped prefrontal cortex don’t need cell phones…
@katrina2017 Well hear me out, he plays multiple after school sports, stays at friends houses and goes places without me. I work until 5 PM Monday through Friday, and I am his one and only parent. There is one me. If there is an emergency, he needs to be able to contact me directly. If he needs me to pick him up unexpectedly, he needs to be able to call me to do so. He doesn’t have social media of ANY kind on his phone nor does he have an account for any of them. His phone is used as a phone. Giving him the phone was not the issue. His response to a little girl was. I’m all ears for opinions and advice, not so much for ignorance or closed mindedness.
danyyyy101
New member
@georgiana I had a phone at 13 and phones certainly were not that popular back then. It absolutely makes sense and you should not have to defend yourself. I had one to contact my parents when trainings were cancelled and more. And i learned responsibility after blowing through my text allowance (yeah 200 texts a month time frame) and minutes. 13 year olds are learning responsibility and that is okay. Ignore this person’s judgement.
pterinochilus
New member
@georgiana
Reddit. Discord. This is what we call budding "niceguy" behavior. But Niceguys are not nice guys.
I would do some background reading on niceguys and incels beforehand. http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com is a good start. Your son is exhibiting entitled, toxic behavior, and it needs to be nipped in the bud.
She was cowardly, and that was wrong of her to ghost him like that. I don't know whether she knew your son liked her. But none of that excuses your son for lashing out the way he did. Chatting is how people get to know each other then decide if they want to go out. Chatting does not entitle one person to the other's exclusive company. That has to be decided mutually. And while it's a painful lesson to learn, your son needs to learn how to accept rejection is a healthy manner so he can pick up the pieces and move on. Teach him the high road. And tell him next time he needs balm for hurt feelings, he should come to you so you can at least take him out for ice cream or something. Or let him channel the hurt into another favorite distraction.
Because he's hurting and lashing out. He got rejected by the girl he fancied, and then he had his ego bruised pretty badly.
Reddit. Discord. This is what we call budding "niceguy" behavior. But Niceguys are not nice guys.
I would do some background reading on niceguys and incels beforehand. http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com is a good start. Your son is exhibiting entitled, toxic behavior, and it needs to be nipped in the bud.
She was cowardly, and that was wrong of her to ghost him like that. I don't know whether she knew your son liked her. But none of that excuses your son for lashing out the way he did. Chatting is how people get to know each other then decide if they want to go out. Chatting does not entitle one person to the other's exclusive company. That has to be decided mutually. And while it's a painful lesson to learn, your son needs to learn how to accept rejection is a healthy manner so he can pick up the pieces and move on. Teach him the high road. And tell him next time he needs balm for hurt feelings, he should come to you so you can at least take him out for ice cream or something. Or let him channel the hurt into another favorite distraction.
Because he's hurting and lashing out. He got rejected by the girl he fancied, and then he had his ego bruised pretty badly.
katrina2017
New member
@georgiana I know his behavior wasn't right, but keep in mind that he's 13 and is probably feeling really strong emotions, try not to be too hard on him, you get a lot farther by being loving and supportive than by bringing the hammer down. He was probably really hurt by the rejection he felt and that's your son, you need to be there for him, nobody is perfect least of all 13 year olds, people lash out when they are hurt at times. Especially if that is the way they've learned to deal with their emotions. He hasn't learned a healthier way, and I'm not saying that's anyone's fault, but it's not his either.
Since I know someone's going to just take this as "me making excuses for him" i'm not, you still need to talk to him about why that behavior isn't good, but you also need to address the emotional reasons that behavior is happening
Since I know someone's going to just take this as "me making excuses for him" i'm not, you still need to talk to him about why that behavior isn't good, but you also need to address the emotional reasons that behavior is happening
nejtilsvampe
New member
@georgiana Because he’s a kid that’s why. Also does he use tik tok? There is a horrible man going viral right now named Andrew Tate and he is teaching boys violent misogyny. Heads up.
@georgiana I know you’re a single mom but do you have any adult men in your life that could talk this through with him? Uncle, grandfather, godfather etc? I feel like the weight of it coming from them and their perspective might have more impact. But really really great job on you so far! I feel like there are soo soo soo many grown men that didn’t have this behavior nipped in the bud early and the results are toxic and horrendous.
journeytopeace
New member
@georgiana I think you should also ask your son, why did he do it? and if she did something to him
katrina2017
New member
@journeytopeace I kinda agree with this. I would ask him “Why do you think women are bi*ches because they don’t respond when you want them to? Do you understand no woman has to acknowledge you at all?” And really set this tone as unacceptable.
It doesn’t matter what she “did”. No reason to call her a name, none at all.
It doesn’t matter what she “did”. No reason to call her a name, none at all.
@katrina2017 I made it perfectly clear to him during the initial heated discussion (for lack of better terms) that NO ONE owes him ANYTHING, whether that be an answer to a phone call, a response to a text, a message in a bottle. If someone doesn’t want to respond to him, ESPECIALLY a little girl, they do not have to.
katrina2017
New member
@georgiana I really don’t get the impression YOU caused this mentality on him, but he did get it from somewhere and it’s hard to really ask directly “who told you women owe you a response? Would you call a man you respected a bi*ch for not responding to you? Do you under that makes you look pushy and entitled?” when it’s your son who’s really not realizing how this comes off. He may not even be like this outside of this situation but I saw signs of my brother being too misogynistic in his teens and had to curve him hard mean girl style to get the point across women aren’t here to accommodate your wants. Other men influenced my brother, I would start looking there. It’s not you. 
@journeytopeace I disagree strongly with this. I don’t disagree you should listen to where it came from. As in what he was feeling. “If she did something to him” is irrelevant. I wouldn’t lead with this question it teaches the behavior makes sense in certain scenarios. If she was mean to him and that comes out through other questions I think the line needs to be “there are other ways to deal with hurt feelings”
@georgiana Seems like you invalidated his feeling because you didn’t like him calling a girl a name. And when you say little girl… is she you younger than him or one of his peers? Name calling is not okay, but I think you could’ve talked it out, acknowledged his feelings and helped him see the errors of his ways. You yelled and punished… that’s where he’s getting it from, Sorry to say mom, it’s you.