Calling All Moms Who Have Breastfed

[matthew3]

@seagonwarms It’s definitely true. Breastfeeding is great but you need to brush their teeth.

Our dentist was very insistent about brushing teeth after breastfeeding at night because milk has sugar and can lead to cavities if it’s just sitting on their teeth all night. He said that he sees as many cavities in toddlers who breastfeed multiple times during the night but aren’t allowed any processed sugar as he does in toddlers who are allowed to have soda and candy.

 

[allwhoarethirsty]

@herbaloma Yep, all of this. My toddler got this way, too (she's 13 now. We survived). She was SO grabby! When either of my kids started playing and causing me to flash people, it was clear they were not nursing for food so I started offering a cup/snacks while we were out. It. Took. Willpower. He WILL try to break you down and get that booby, OP. Be strong. Save nursing for quiet, cuddly time.

 

[shawndemers42]

@lukester09 I just want to point out that at 19 months if he's barely eating any solid foods, that's why he wants to nurse all the time: he's not getting satisfied, he's hungry. I would just really try to keep engaging in food. Make it fun, find what he likes. Offer everything.

 

[bvandewalker]

@lukester09 Sounds like it's time for some limits. "I am not going to nurse you here. You are a big boy, and you can wait until we get home." "Okay, we are going to be done now. We can nurse again at naptime."

He will probably balk and push back and be mad at you. But look, it's good and necessary for them to learn to deal with boundaries, disappointment, frustration, all this kind of stuff, and this is a reasonable limit to set. Hell it would be completely fine to go ahead and wean him if you wanted to. (Edited because what I originally said came out bad -- it's fine to transition off nursing at any age, and he's old enough where you don't need to compensate in any way other than maybe a few extra calories.)

Try to work on not taking his responses personally. (I have a 12, a 10, and a 2, and I am still working on that!) Learning a new thing is confusing and hard at first. He will direct his frustration at you, first of all because you're the one who imposed the boundary, and also you are mom and where else can he direct his feelings? So, knowing this, you can validate and express compassion for how hard it is and how big his feelings are, without acting like you did something wrong. (Even if your mom-brain is screaming at you that you did something wrong. You didn't. Brains aren't always right.) And be his big solid comfort object.

It really will get easier, with practice, to not feel like shit

By the way I am typing this comment with a nearly-3-year-old nurse-napping on me, so I am really hella lazy and permissive with the nursing. (We don't night nurse because of dental hygiene. Nurse, then brush teeth, then go to sleep.) A few months ago, I realized I was doing her a disservice by always giving in and nursing her when she was upset or hurt. (I really should have realized it earlier. But like... my kids take turns being the neediest pain in the butt, and it was some other kid taking up most of my energy. I don't even remember which one or why. Ha.) She was using it as a crutch rather than learning emotional regulation (co-regulation, that is. Sitting with me while we feel the emotion and then let it pass). So I had to be like "we are not going to nurse every time we are upset. We will be upset without nursing. I will nurse you at naptime," and boy did she think I was the evil mom from hell. But it passed, and she's fine. Growing up is just hard. Good luck!

 

[lukester09]

@bvandewalker This is so thorough and amazing . Thank you.

 

[bvandewalker]

@lukester09 I hope any of it helps. I had so much trouble sitting with my oldest during his meltdowns, and it was hard on both of us. That's why such a long comment, just in case you or anyone else needs to hear it.

By the way apparently people wander over to this sub just to downvote people just because they have some grudge or nasty hangup about mothers. It's nothing personal, just randos being shitty.

 

[lukester09]

@bvandewalker No it really really totally helps.
It’s very kind of you to go so in depth and I’m sure you’ll help not only me but others as well!
You’re the best. Thanks for being real

(That’s the midwestern in me. I said no instead of yes. Hahahah. )

We are so happy to have our son but yeah saying it’s put a strain on our relationship is a understatement.
I’ve considered being one and done but ugh. It’s so hard.
I wanna take a long break but with my losses I also don’t wanna have another baby / babies “too old”

And sheesh! Thanks!! It’s almost like breaking moms should go private like douchebag breaking dads does! Lol

 

[lukester09]

@bvandewalker AGHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

 

[lukester09]

@bvandewalker Like for real I keep re reading this. From beginning to end it’s SO helpful.

 

[jmac47]

@lukester09 I never thought I’d wean my first but finally, after a traumatic divorce and tandem breastfeeding her and her baby sibling, I knew I had to stop for my own wellbeing. She was almost 2 and a half. I was legit terrified. I fully expected her to have tons of tantrums, feel neglected or hurt, and never sleep again. But honestly, she got over it after a couple times holding a gentle but firm “no.” I replaced nursing with snuggling instead, and she weaned super quickly after that. So to answer your question, in my opinion: yes, you do need to just bite your tongue through the crying and suffer, for the short term.

 

[jjammem]

@lukester09 My first born was so similar! EBF, refused bottles, refused pacifiers, bedshared, and stuck to me like glue. It's a rough life, not gonna lie. I finally weaned her just shy of 3 years because I was pregnant with my second and couldn't stand it anymore. It took another 4 months to get her out of the "big bed" and she still wants to sleep with me. So yes! I've been through it, you haven't fucked up, and it'll be ok. At his age, you can definitely start putting boundaries on nursing and your body; he should be able to start learning to wait, but there will almost definitely be lots of tears about it at first.

I'm currently 7 months in with my second, and already debating how I want to play this as we approach one year. On the one hand, I love love love the bond with my oldest, but on the other hand, I don't think I can do all that again. Solidarity, and I hope things start getting easier soon!

 

[only1kirk]

@jjammem For what it’s worth; I’m well bonded to mine and none of them nursed much past a year. There is a lot that goes into bonding and it sounds like you’ll build a fantastic relationship with your littles regardless of length of nursing.

 

[jjammem]

@only1kirk Of course, otherwise non-birthing parents and those who choose not to, or are unable to, breastfeed would have no bond with their baby and we know that's not the case. I didn't mean to imply extended breastfeeding is the only way to bond, apologies.

 

[muse9th]

@lukester09 Breastfeeding should be comfortable for him AND YOU. Your comfort matters. It is okay to say "In a few minutes" and redirect, even if he throws a tantrum. Tantrums are normal. Make sure to have snacks and water or milk to offer as an alternative.

Yes, it is perfectly normal for them To go through super clingy phases. THE BOOB COMFORTS ALL and so if he's cutting teeth or having brain development and learning a bunch of scary new stuff YOU and the BOOBS are the constant comfort he wants to turn to. It does not mean he will be always velcroed to you. I breastfed both of mine til 3. They would have liked to go longer, but I was done, so we were done(gently).

When you are done or overwhelmed it is okay to cut back or stop. It's also okay to make that decision and then change your mind. You're doing well.

 

[hopeofgly]

@lukester09 Have you looked into developmental regressions? They aren't actually regressions because it's when your baby/toddler has a huge growth and developmental progressions going on in their brain, which can make them seem like they're going backwards in development (eg sleeping like crap again or boobing ALL THE DAMN TIME). So regression is the mainstream term. But look up developmental progressions & regressions if you want to get a good view of things (there's a lady called pinky McKay who is amazing with these topics)

Also there's wonder weeks, which is another similar way of looking at the progressions.

There's a lot going on for kids around this age and they absolutely will reach (literally) for their comfort item (in this case you and your boobs). That doesn't mean that you just have to let yourself be tromped all over. If you're boobed out and touched out, you can look at other comfort items to bring in to help replace you a bit. (My daughter has autism so this never worked for me & at 6 I'm still her comfort item 99% of the time)

So from baby's perspective, things might be super overwhelming & they just don't know how to deal with it all.

I hope this might help a bit with the possible why it's going like this at the moment.

 

[celiat]

@lukester09 I don't have advice for HOW to do this (I dried up early) but I just want to validate you that it is 100% okay to want to cut down on your kiddo's nursing. It is your body, and you are important too. This is a great time to start teaching him bodily autonomy! It is okay to want your body back and to not be okay with him pulling your boobs out in public. He doesn't understand why it's a problem but you can start teaching him.

 

[lukester09]

@celiat Indeed! Thank you

 

[iferexo]

@lukester09 I’m nursing my 4th kid right now. She’s 18 months old and like yours a freaking boob monster right now. Lifting shirt, pulling, pouting, all of it.

For my kids, it’s been a phase. It’s a tough phase but it does pass.

I have started introducing telling the boobie bye bye at the end of a nursing session. I also do the dont offer don’t refuse part of nursing. Some days, she nurses all day, others it’s just before bed/nap.

Good foods are helpful. At this age, my kids have all loved smoothies. It’s easy and you can pack a lot of stuff in there. I always just did fruit, maybe some veggies, maybe plain yogurt, and oat milk. No sweeteners. Just blend it up and go.

 

[lukester09]

@iferexo Thank you I really appreciate it!!!
He really does love smoothies so! I’ll try to do more and make them more protein packed.

 

[bryan48]

@lukester09 I can't help so much with stopping the breastfeeding as my son had no choice but to get off the boob when he was 13 months old - I was going to my friends destination wedding on my own and there was no way I was going to miss it. A week without boob and when I got back he wasn't fussed.

Maybe you can take yourself off on a little vacay (just joking but also seriously.)

Anyway, I was originally commenting because I used to put porridge oats in my son's smoothies when he didn't eat much dinner so that at least he would be full to have a good night's sleep!