Baby registry vs. sustainability

[brineheart]

TL;DR: How do you balance making a registry and letting people buy you nice things, with trying to be environmentally/economically sustainable in preparing for baby?

Hi y’all - I’m expecting my first baby in February and just started making a registry. Until this week, I only had a diaper fund on it and was otherwise trolling Craigslist and FB Marketplace to price things out, keeping my ears open for hand me downs, and avoiding my registry page like the plague. But now baby showers are being planned, so my SIL sat down with me on vacation this week and helped me make a list of everything that’s actually necessary/useful (the online checklists are just insane). Now that I’m actually trying to choose & add the specific items, the sheer consumerism is just blowing my mind! Everything high quality costs SO much; even though I know people like to buy nice gifts and could go in on them together, it just feels so crazy to ask for all these expensive ass items. Like why the f*ck is the best reviewed baby carrier $200?! And then there’s the level of waste - like a gazillion plastic Diaper Genies already exist in the world, do I really need a brand new one?? But then…buying one on CL means spending $20 of my money instead of accepting a $40 gift.

So I’m curious if others have thought about this dilemma. SIL says I should just let people buy me the good stuff. Obviously, getting the highest quality items while saving my own money for my actual baby is the big pro to that argument. It just seems so wasteful though.

Editing to add: I put “secondhand gifts welcome” in the “about” page of the registry but I don’t think many people will see it. My friend is planning the local baby shower for our friends, and I’m going to ask her to put that on the invite too. But I suggested it to my MIL (who will be planning an out of town shower that will be VERY traditional, all women, mostly older relatives) and she said maybe but looked so horrified lol.

 

[michele9618]

@brineheart We used one of the registry websites (Babylist maybe? Idk, it was a while pandemic ago.) where you can add your own items without it requiring a link to a specific product every time.

We included general list items for USED books and USED clothes. I think we noted on certain store links that a used version was fine too. It set the tone pretty well I think.

Didn't receive many used clothes, but the books were a hit. We got a lot from people's own collections with notes about where they came from or how much their kids loved them. It was really sweet, and sidestepped some of the social pressure people can feel to spend big money they don't have. Most of the infant gear from our shower is gone from our lives now but we still have books.

We also included an item that said NO BULKY TOYS PLEASE with an explanation that we couldn't take them at this stage due to space constraints in our small apartment. For the most part that was respected. I'm in a region that morphed into a HCOL metropolis pretty abruptly. The older generation sometimes needs it spelled out for them that we're not all raising kids with basements and garages and huge backyards like they all did so we have to be much more intentional about "stuff".

 

[brineheart]

@michele9618 Thank you so much for this! I’m using MyRegistry and I didn’t even realize that you could make an item without a link, but you totally can. That will help a LOT. Also “a while pandemic ago” made me lol, too real

 

[franciscovelasco]

@brineheart We used www.encorebabyregistry.com it's entirely setup for you to request used stuff. If you want something new, you can add a link. It even has a way for people to mark that they're loaning something to you and want it back (like my sister who loved her high chair but was between kids).

It's not as slick as the ones that belong to big box stores, but it totally did the job for us.

 

[soulace]

@brineheart One thing to fill the list is consumables like diaper cream and lotion. We used SOOO much at first. It's a great way to try out different products too, we had to switch a couple times due to sensitive skin. Ask for diaper genie refills if you're going to try getting a used one. Pacifiers don't last forever and we didn't want secondhand, same with bottle nipples. It's handy to have at least a bottle even if you plan to breastfeed.

 

[1daysoon]

@brineheart Here’s the note we added to our shower invitations:

“If your family has already enjoyed any of these items and you’re ready to part with them, we are happy to receive your gently-used, clean, and safe hand-me-downs. Please contact friend’s email to have items removed from the registry without spoiling surprises.“

We successfully got lots of hand-me-downs from friends and family who’ve already had babies, and then some purchased used items from friends who understand sustainability.

Also, depending on how big your house or apartment is, you can plead space requirements to try to get less stuff. We’re currently mentioning to everyone about how we don’t need have room for many toys in our current apartment, and please wait until we move (probably when Baby is 18-20 months) to kindly gift us anything big and fun.

 

[1daysoon]

Oh, we also added this to our “guidelines for visiting Baby.” (Which, btw, it’s a “thing,” these days to write out and share guidelines for visiting baby. I don’t agree that sharing visiting guidelines is absolutely necessary; we’re choosing to because we have a few non-standard requests for visitors. Don’t take this as an endorsement of ANOTHER fricken’ thing you have to do.)

“Please do NOT feel obligated to bring a gift or a meal. Your presence is a present, and there’s lots of future birthday parties to bring toys and stuffed animals to. We will have the guest book from the baby shower out to capture memories of this special time.”

 

[moontan13]

@1daysoon Oh man, are you sure you don’t want people to bring you meals? That helps a lot in the beginning

 

[1daysoon]

@moontan13 Yep! I can be a pretty picky eater and don’t enjoy most freezer-friendly meals that people bring after babies or medical events. My husband will be off work and my mom will be with us for at least a week, then visiting often. I have a few friends I’ve talked to who know my preferred meals and snacks, so I’m not refusing food entirely. This is my list of guidelines for people that I can’t be entirely honest with, and I’d really prefer they don’t bring anything.

I had a medical issue a few years ago and received tons of casseroles and lasagnas. I felt awful throwing them away.

Thank you for checking

 

[moontan13]

@1daysoon Glad you’ll have your mom and some close friends to help! (Not that your husband won’t, but mine was just as exhausted as I was)

 

[1daysoon]

Oh, another thing!

We’re doing cloth diapers and decided to start off with a cloth diapering laundry service for the first 2 month at least. Our service company easily allows parents to add donations to the diaper service to multi-business registries. We didn’t do that in time, so we just texted a few friends casually that that would be a great gift, and then printed off QR codes with a sweet little note and had them up on card stock at the shower.

If you don’t want to do a diaper service or adding it to a registry isn’t possible, what about formally or informally adding these things:

-infant music classes/ “mommy and me,” classes

-prenatal or antenatal massages

-local museum memberships

-local indoor playground/ soft play area passes (you won’t use right away but within the first year, you could!)

 

[ellyflowers]

@brineheart We bought mostly used but for the new stuff like the car seat, there’s soooooo much packaging. Very annoying. Is there a cloth diaper service near you? We requested gift cards to help pay for that. I’ve also had crunchy friends straight up ask for money to help offset their midwife and doula.

 

[christdied4me]

@brineheart I made specific comments on my registry for items I wanted second hand and places to find them. I also made comments for items like “something like this - would love for it to be used. Prefer it to be wood/natural/insert crunchy preference.” A gently used carrier is a great example. I suggested/asked people to look on FB marketplace, etc. I also made clear at the top of my registry not only were secondhand gifts welcome, but actually preferred. People that I am really close to gave me cash for me to do the second hand digging myself. Not everyone got it, but a lot of people did.

 

[brineheart]

@christdied4me This is a great move, thank you! I’ll add notes to specific things.

 

[renee13]

@brineheart In addition to putting a note on the registry, you can also ask friends and family to pass along that you’re happy to accept secondhand items.

I think it’s okay to get some things new, especially if you go for quality, durable things that can be handed down to another family when you no longer need them. I found a really good deal on a new Ergobaby Omni (which may be the expensive carrier you’re talking about) and it is so sturdy, I am sure it’ll last through both our kids and be in good condition to pass along to another family. I’d guess that 75% of our baby stuff is secondhand, and what we got new I believe will survive to become secondhand.

 

[brineheart]

@renee13 Yep that’s exactly the carrier I meant lol. And yeah, I would love a few good new things, like I’d be more comfortable with the high-quality car seat/stroller system I chose being new (I’ve heard in some states it’s illegal to buy a used car seat?). But on the other hand, I would LOVE to find that Ergobaby pre-loved!

 

[cpr]

@brineheart Ergos are all over Facebook Marketplace for $10-$30. I wouldn’t spend more than that on one; if you get into baby wearing you’ll probably end up wanting a different brand of carrier (Ergobaby is the most available and popular brand, not necessarily the best brand).

You need to get a new car seat because if a car seat has been in an accident or washed incorrectly, it is no longer safe to use.

 

[renee13]

@brineheart Yup, car seats are an exception. It feels like a shame to discard such a bulky piece of plastic just because it's used, but it's a lifesaving device. They should always be new unless you get it from a genuinely trusted friend or family member. The impact resistance can be compromised if it's been in an accident of any kind, and there are shady people out there who'd try to "recoup" their loss by selling the car seat they're discarding after a fender bender because they only care about their own family. Not too many, but enough that it's not worth the risk.

I just checked and there are several Ergo Omnis selling for between 20 and 100 bucks on my local Facebook marketplace, including some "like new" for around $50, so keep an eye out! If you think you'll enjoy long walks or hiking with your wee one, a quality carrier that distributes the weight across your hips is soooo worth it as they start getting...less wee.

 

[alliah]

@renee13 If you feel uncomfortable with throwing away your car seat, find out if the manufacturer has a car seat recycling program. I haven't looked into other companies, but I know Clek has one.

 

[slowbie]

@brineheart You can get a free used car seat (ask your buy nothing group for one close to the expiration) and bring it to target during their car seat event, get their car seat coupon, and use it towards your new seat!