@calebm I agree on the years and years of recovery being a big reason. I had an unplanned c section and my doc told me at my 6 week check up that I’d actually never be fully back to normal ever again, and I would likely experience weakness and pain and numbness for years to come.
My mom who had a c section with me told me it took 3 years to feel good and 10 years to feel great again. TEN YEARS. I had a summer baby and here we are at Thanksgiving and I still need assistance to get up from a deep couch or bed or the floor. I still get internal pain if I carry my baby too long or stand too long or walk too much.
@stewy0042 Im a fence-sitter-mostly-oad with a firm oad husband, and the one thing that really puts me off another is going through birth again. We were close to an emergency c-section that ended up being a forceps delivery and it was.. an experience.
@stewy0042 Man, I relate to this. My vaginal delivery was not complicated but my baby aspirated (not meconium) during delivery and ended up being in the NICU. Seeing him be ventilated, suctioned and placed on CPAP is forever seared into my brain. I got him on my chest long enough to look at him, turn to my husband and say “I did it!” And then he was gone. It was such a heartbreaking event. I knew he was in the best hands and yet I felt as thought I was being torn in two.
My husband wants another one but I don’t know if I can handle seeing that or experiencing that again. Or what if I need intervention? Maternal mortality is high and I feel that I made it out alive. Why risk it just for one more?
I don’t have advice (other than therapy which is amazing just to get it off your chest) but solidarity.
@stewy0042 Yes. OAD primarily because I don't want to go through another pregnancy and labor. My geriatric pregnancy (at 37) was uneventful and "boring" but I hated every minute of it. Labor was also textbook... Vaginal without complications. But... It was excruciating. I'm 3 mo PP, hate that I still don't have my body back (pumping). I'm 38 now and nothing will convince me to do that again.
Also, it's easy for your husband to speculate that everything will go fine but it's you who has to sacrifice your body.
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@stewy0042 I go back and forth still because of how hard but the baby stage is but also now I’m even more worried about labor again. I don’t know if it makes much sense but my first time was so easy I feel, looking back. It was fast and I had two really great nurses and while healing totally sucked (I had a small tear but am also weak when it comes to pain, haha), it wasn’t that bad. But I’m scared the second time won’t go as well or that I will have to have a c-section, which I am absolutely terrified of…my mom had 2 and my sister had 1 that traumatized her so much she decided to never have more children. I feel extremely lucky on how my labor went and don’t know about chancing it again. Maybe it’s because my anxiety is higher now? I dunno if these are silly thoughts…lol like the first time I was kinda on autopilot in my head, like I know the baby has to come out so whatever has to happen will happen, kinda chill. Now I’m like but what if it’s not as easy this time AND the pressure of taking care of a toddler.
@stewy0042 Recently turned 2! I’m 32 so I kinda feel like time is not on my side if I wait too long to decide. if it was up to my husband we’d start trying today.
@naghiksarila We’re going to be in the same situation. 30 and just had our first. My wife lost 2 L of blood during delivery and I watched all of it. It was really tough for me.
We’re going to give it 2 years, but we’re pretty convinced we’re OAD.
@naghiksarila Can relate to the autopilot part. In hindsight I was so chill, but like you I'm weak with pain too. I swore I'd do it naturally but once it got too much I tried gas, morphine, epidural (only worked on half my uterus ). I like to THINK I'd handle it better the second time but eh . We are armed with so much knowledge and actual experience now, I think that's why we have these thought processes. I mean, when we decided to try fall pregnant after getting married it was so trivial, like hey let's make a baby woohoo, we didn't know anything more or less other than we wanted to be parents and start a family. But we have experience now, trauma, all of it. Sorry to hear about your sisters experience.
@stewy0042 Oh yikes, I was definitely always planning to get an epidural even though that scared me as well! Mine worked so well my bladder stayed “asleep” for awhile after, which was also quite scary for me. Very true, having more information is definitely working against me, I think. I guess we just need to jump right into it again! Thank you.
@stewy0042 I relate to this as well! My birth plan was to have an unmedicated, uncomplicated vaginal birth. Fast forward to my 41 week appt and amniotic fluid was so low I had to be induced. Failure to progress, baby’s heartbeat dropped every time I had a contraction, next thing you know im listening to Sade in the operating room! I never even thought about the fact that I might have to have a c-section.
I think my husband is OAD from seeing my organs on the table lol. I also developed scar tissue that made it unbearable to walk and had to go for a CT scan around 6 weeks pp. I always thought if we had another I’d try for a VBAC (bc that’s what my son’s pediatrician encouraged at his 1 week check up??). I don’t know if I can mentally handle….a 4th degree tear or VBAC complications or having to have another C-section. I know that people have multiple C-sections and survive just fine but I just don’t think I want to put my body through that again. The birth trauma and the subsequent post partum depression bc of my unplanned C really affected my son’s 1st year. I turned to therapy and EMDR to let go of what happened. I really felt like my body failed me and i failed my baby for having to have a C-section. It’s so nice to not be in the head space now but def don’t think I can go there again.
@stewy0042 I had a c-section with my only due to failed induction. I was under general anesthesia. I don’t know if there was something wrong with my body but the anesthesiologist couldn’t put the spinal block/epidural/anything through my spine. She tried 13x and it kept failing. I still have the scar on my lower back from where she tried to put in the needle now 2,5 years later. I kinda don’t wanna go through c-section again but I don’t have supportive healthcare providers so I don’t know if VBAC is even possible.
@stewy0042 I can relate. We always planned to have multiple children but after giving birth two months ago I ended up with a fourth degree tear and rectovaginal fistula. I’m waiting on a 3rd surgery to hopefully fix the issue once and for all. It was extremely traumatic and I’ve been advised that any future kids would need to be a c section. I’m so traumatized by the entire experience though I am at peace with being a family of 3 and pouring everything into our one little blessing. For now I’m completely content being one and done. I couldn’t even think about getting pregnant again just from all the medical ptsd alone. Let alone now I’m seeing the other pros of being one and done as well.
@stewy0042 I’m so sorry about your experience and your fears are totally valid. I didn’t have a C-section, which was my worst fear (at the time of giving birth), but my baby did get stuck in my pelvis which turned into an emergency after me already pushing for 2.5 hours. I wasn’t prepared for that at all and in that moment losing my baby became my biggest fear. Now my 2 biggest fears are tied for first place- having a C-section and having a baby ever get stuck during birth again. Unfortunately, my midwife said that once it happens the chances go up for it to happen again so a C-section would be recommended if I had more in the future. The whole process terrifies me so much now and I was even diagnosed with PTSD from my birth experience. My recovery was awful. Since it turned into an emergency to get my baby out asap they basically “yanked” (for lack of a better term) out of me causing a 3rd degree tear. Again something I was NOT prepared for. It took me 4 months just to be able to sit semi comfortably and 6 months to be able to squat down. Dealing with an awful recovery again while also taking care of my first child sounds so daunting to me and absolutely terrifies me. Then add in the fear of birth again. If it weren’t for all that I’d without a doubt be all about having another but all of that holds me back.
@snickeringfox My baby also got stuck in my pelvis. My obstetrician realised while I was still only 7cm. I was taken for an emergency c-section there and then and during the surgery it was obvious that he was indeed stuck (from what the doctors were saying and the surgery took a lot longer than I expected), but then people told me that at 7cm the baby hasn’t begun to descend, so I was confused… my doctor said it was most likely due to the size and shape of my pelvis
@katrina2017 I wonder how your dr was able to tell so early. My midwife didn’t realize it was happening until after I was already pushing for 2 hours but it was really traumatic with 2 nurses jumping on the bed next to me with one pushing on my belly, the other pushing my thigh/hip down, while the midwife pulled the baby out. Having a C-section was a huge fear of mine up until then but now I’m not sure which would’ve been worse lol
@stewy0042 I actually recently started therapy to work through birth trauma. I told my therapist my goal is to process everything so that I can make the decision about trying for another baby based on what's best for me and my family, instead of based on my unresolved trauma. Will it work? Not sure. I might be OAD now. I also did not handle pregnancy well, and I'm so enamored with my baby girl that it's hard for me to picture another child.
@stewy0042 Yeah a little, similar experience but no csection. My main thing was my body post partum went wild. I suddenly had every symptom of preeclampsia, swollen painful legs, heart beat sky rocketing, barf. It was scary
I feel extremely lucky on how my labor went and don’t know about chancing it again. Maybe it’s because my anxiety is higher now? I dunno if these are silly thoughts…lol like the first time I was kinda on autopilot in my head, like I know the baby has to come out so whatever has to happen will happen, kinda chill. Now I’m like but what if it’s not as easy this time AND the pressure of taking care of a toddler.
if it was up to my husband we’d start trying today.
). I like to THINK I'd handle it better the second time but eh 
. We are armed with so much knowledge and actual experience now, I think that's why we have these thought processes. I mean, when we decided to try fall pregnant after getting married it was so trivial, like hey let's make a baby woohoo, we didn't know anything more or less other than we wanted to be parents and start a family. But we have experience now, trauma, all of it. Sorry to hear about your sisters experience.
Very true, having more information is definitely working against me, I think. I guess we just need to jump right into it again! Thank you.