Hubby and I have a gorgeous 21 month old son. He is a dream. I'm oad (for various reasons), but I want to discuss one of those reasons today because i think its a big one in my subconscious. Hubby wants another baby but i dont. Atleast that's how i feel now. My first birth was an emergency c section (failure to progress and ultimately fetal distress). I never planned for a c section, I didn't really have a birth plan at all. I was defeated and resigned to the fact that it had to be done when it did to keep my baby safe and alive. But I was also relieved that I didn't have to suffer anymore. My c section keloided and stuck to the abdominal wall on one side. It is not modest that's for sure. It tells a story of pain and sacrifice. To date I have very robust scar tissue that I've thrown hundreds upon hundreds of dollars at to have massaged to give me relief. It's safe to say that I would never want to endure another major abdominal surgery again. It was a tumultuous recovery for me that has obviously left lifelong issues. I just can't imagine having to do it that way again? On the flip side, having a vbac scares the hell out of me. 1. I never got to that stage and it scares me now after having had a c section which is weird because I wasn't scared of a vaginal delivery the first time, 2. What if a vbac is unsuccessful and I have to have another c sec? And 3. Fearing the unknown.. what If I have long term complications from a vaginal delivery?. Does anyone relate to any of this? Is anyone oad because they don't want to labour again or scared of the outcome? Has anyone been through this and ultimately decided to have another and how did it go for you? Ahhhh the inner turmoil.
Are you OAD because you're scared of childbirth? C-sec to VBAC
- Thread starter stewy0042
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hirokoegan
New member
@stewy0042 I relate to this so much. My placenta ruptured the evening before I was having a planned c-section (because of the risk of the placenta rupturing 
). Feeling all that blood flowing out of me was the scariest moment of my life. I 100% thought my baby wasn’t going to make it (I was 38+5). Literally just started crying typing that. Which shows how unhealed my trauma is.
I was rushed in to hospital and they confirmed he still had a heartbeat and I was stable but they needed to get him out asap so had an emergency c-section (I was conscious though so not a proper emergency one). My husband thought we were both going to die, I thought I was going to die, it was all super traumatic.
I never want to go through it again. My baby is 10 months and at the moment it’s a “I’m not ready to have the conversation yet” because I always wanted more than 1 child and I’m hoping I can get past this.
It’s also why I joined this sub, to see if one and done was for me.
The next thing we’ll probably do is consider adoption and if that’s the right choice for us. If we do want a second child that might be how we go about it. Or we’ll be one and done. But yes if we are one and done it’s because I’m scared of childbirth and my husband is scared of losing me during childbirth. Also because having a newborn sucks and doing that again doesn’t appeal.
). Feeling all that blood flowing out of me was the scariest moment of my life. I 100% thought my baby wasn’t going to make it (I was 38+5). Literally just started crying typing that. Which shows how unhealed my trauma is.I was rushed in to hospital and they confirmed he still had a heartbeat and I was stable but they needed to get him out asap so had an emergency c-section (I was conscious though so not a proper emergency one). My husband thought we were both going to die, I thought I was going to die, it was all super traumatic.
I never want to go through it again. My baby is 10 months and at the moment it’s a “I’m not ready to have the conversation yet” because I always wanted more than 1 child and I’m hoping I can get past this.
It’s also why I joined this sub, to see if one and done was for me.
The next thing we’ll probably do is consider adoption and if that’s the right choice for us. If we do want a second child that might be how we go about it. Or we’ll be one and done. But yes if we are one and done it’s because I’m scared of childbirth and my husband is scared of losing me during childbirth. Also because having a newborn sucks and doing that again doesn’t appeal.
@hirokoegan I just cried writing my comment too and now I’m crying to my husband. 
I’m so sorry you went through all of that! I’m so glad your little one is okay!
I’m so sorry you went through all of that! I’m so glad your little one is okay!
reporter94
New member
@hirokoegan Whoa- wait- are you telling me that where you’re from they actually will knock you out for a c section? Because being conscious for mine just really added to the trauma.
hirokoegan
New member
@reporter94 If it’s a true emergency situation then they don’t have time to give you all the drugs they need to numb you, so then they knock you out.
It adds a lot of risk to the procedure and way more time to the healing.
If you’re being knocked out for it it’s to save your life.
It adds a lot of risk to the procedure and way more time to the healing.
If you’re being knocked out for it it’s to save your life.
@hirokoegan It’s much more the availability of the anesthesiologist. I had an emergency section about 10 minutes after my daughters decels got critical but the anesthesiologist was able to leave what he was doing and gave me a spinal block which worked great. They did mention as I was being rushed to OR that general might be necessary though
kalenebari
New member
@reporter94 I had an emergency c-section and was awake, but they were seconds/minutes away from knocking me out because they couldn’t get the spinal block in, took 4 tries. Doing a general for a c-section is really rare, emergency or otherwise.
reporter94
New member
@kalenebari I know it is in the US, but was wondering if it is normal from this commenter’s answer elsewhere.
kalenebari
New member
@reporter94 I’m in Australia if that helps. I really don’t think it’s common anywhere. A general is a much more risky option than a spinal block.
hirokoegan
New member
@reporter94 No it’s really rare here too.
@hirokoegan I can’t imagine the fear of feeling the blood moving. My son was also born via unplanned (almost) emergency c-section. Have you gone to therapy? I didn’t realize the level of my birth trauma until I started therapy (technically for other reasons, but all of it is my life). I waited until my kid was 18mo, but holy crap it helped to work thought some of this stuff. I’m fully OAD now, but when my son was 18mo, we were still thinking we SHOULD have a second kid.
@hirokoegan Wow, im so sorry to hear this 
I hope you find peace with it all. In time you will realise how much you have grown from that experience and you will find a tremendous strength. I promise.
You offer an interesting perspective.. my husband believes I can carry another child despite everything ive been through, and just get on with it. I think from his pov, my physical and emotional scars aren't deep enough to warrant a OAD policy lol. I'm sure he would feel differently if I almost lost my life the first time too.
I feel like the hardest part about the newborn stage is the sleep deprivation. Hands down. I'm so happy to be in a place where we are today where I'm back to sleeping through the night (most nights) like a normal person lol. I thought the day would never come. Imagine having to do that all over again
.
I hope you find peace with it all. In time you will realise how much you have grown from that experience and you will find a tremendous strength. I promise. You offer an interesting perspective.. my husband believes I can carry another child despite everything ive been through, and just get on with it. I think from his pov, my physical and emotional scars aren't deep enough to warrant a OAD policy lol. I'm sure he would feel differently if I almost lost my life the first time too.
I feel like the hardest part about the newborn stage is the sleep deprivation. Hands down. I'm so happy to be in a place where we are today where I'm back to sleeping through the night (most nights) like a normal person lol. I thought the day would never come. Imagine having to do that all over again
.reporter94
New member
@stewy0042 My son is 11 now, and we have many reasons why OAD worked for our family, but birth trauma is among them. Everything about the 3 weeks leading up to and his delivery were terrible. I had no interest in going through it again. It’s okay to not want to put your body through serious trauma.
@stewy0042 Not my main reason (I never wanted kids) but my after birthing experience really cemented that I never wanted to do it again. I couldn't sit for weeks! Turns out I had a hematoma the size of a coke can
@stewy0042 Yes partially. I also had an emergency c-section and during the delivery my uterus tore so I can never have VBAC which is both relieving and makes me feel like a failure even though I know that’s stupid. 
A planned c-section sounds relaxing compared to an emergency one but it’s still serious surgery and I think I’m at an extra EXTRA risk of uterine rupture because of the tearing so they would probably want me to have my c-section early so possibly somewhat preterm baby….
Plus I had gestational diabetes, horrible morning sickness, my baby was in special care nursery for a week, got told she probably had genetic disorder and things wrong with her (she’s totally normal now), tongue tie and colic, breastfeeding was a nightmare until tongue tie was fixed, eczema and allergies…..
All of that possibly AGAIN while also taking care of my toddler who still doesn’t sleep through the night?
No thank you. in theory I would want another. But not in reality.
A planned c-section sounds relaxing compared to an emergency one but it’s still serious surgery and I think I’m at an extra EXTRA risk of uterine rupture because of the tearing so they would probably want me to have my c-section early so possibly somewhat preterm baby…. Plus I had gestational diabetes, horrible morning sickness, my baby was in special care nursery for a week, got told she probably had genetic disorder and things wrong with her (she’s totally normal now), tongue tie and colic, breastfeeding was a nightmare until tongue tie was fixed, eczema and allergies…..
All of that possibly AGAIN while also taking care of my toddler who still doesn’t sleep through the night?
No thank you.
in theory I would want another. But not in reality.katrina2017
New member
kalenebari
New member
@stewy0042 It’s a massive part of it for sure.
My labour and delivery was an absolute shit show that also ended in c-section. I won’t go into it all but it involved a failed epidural, a failed ventouse attempt, a lot of tearing, nerve damage due to the hospital’s incompetence, two MRI’s, cellulitis, and an 11 night stay in hospital. Oh and I was treated like absolute shit by the midwives and nurses for the entire 11 days I was there.
I love my daughter but giving birth was the worst experience of my life. I consider it actual, intentional torture.
Never, ever, ever again.
My labour and delivery was an absolute shit show that also ended in c-section. I won’t go into it all but it involved a failed epidural, a failed ventouse attempt, a lot of tearing, nerve damage due to the hospital’s incompetence, two MRI’s, cellulitis, and an 11 night stay in hospital. Oh and I was treated like absolute shit by the midwives and nurses for the entire 11 days I was there.
I love my daughter but giving birth was the worst experience of my life. I consider it actual, intentional torture.
Never, ever, ever again.
momofthreeboys
New member
@stewy0042 I'm sorry you have had such a rough recovery. I've actually heard from a number of women that they are more anxious for labor the second time. I think it's because you actually know what to expect so you can conceptualize it and actually understand what recovery and postpartum can be like. The first time it feels so abstract that it's easy to compartmentalize it as something that just has to happen. Making a choice to actively do it again can feel a lot scarier, and rightly so! One of my reasons for wanting to be OAD is that I actually had a good birth experience and still found postpartum incredibly difficult. I'm scared that if the birth didn't go as well this time I wouldn't be able to handle the recovery + taking care of a newborn and toddler. Knowing the reality of what that would look like is a big deterrent to me.
In any case, your reasons and feelings are totally valid and you're not alone!
In any case, your reasons and feelings are totally valid and you're not alone!
katrina2017
New member
@stewy0042 Yes. Pregnancy and birth are the number one reason.
@stewy0042 I'm not scared of birth but I don't want to have years and years of recovery. I had a 4th degree tear so I'll likely require a c-section if I have another. I'm almost a year postpartum and still physically recovering. I just want my body back to normal and having another baby will likely put so much pressure on my already weak pelvic floor. And I'm 35 so I don't really want to wait forever and start all over at 40.