Anxiety/Guilt

[angeliqueg]

My baby is 8 weeks old and we've been bed sharing for about a week now. I, like so many of you swore I'd never do it and that I'd never be so selfish. Well... then I had a newborn and realized I had no clue what l was talking about. The sleep deprivation was making me so angry and miserable I had no patience with my boy. Anyway... I guess this post is because I still feel so guilty over it. I breastfeed and sleep in the C curl, no blankets or pillows near the face, etc. My husband is not a fan of me doing this but he's also not the one getting up and down during the night. Maybe I just need someone to tell me it's okay? And I'm not a bad mother? With that being said, I love sleeping with my baby. It just feels right.

 

[talita]

@angeliqueg You're not a bad mother. Society likes to divorce all maternal instinct from parenting. Me and my husband are not American and in his culture cosleeping is normal and he did it. In mine, its not normal exactly but its not that unusual. Look at various cultures around the world and you'll see many places do it. It's a very Amerian thing to put babies in their own cot

 

[bviller]

@talita This! So much! Not from America either and people view so different here than in the US. It's crazy. Bedsharing feels like the most natural thing to me

 

[adje]

@angeliqueg Why do you think it’s selfish? You must take care of yourself and your sanity as much as you can before you can safely take care of your baby.

Cosleeping/bedsharing is the most natural way of sleeping for your baby. Your baby still thinks he’s part of you. He still thinks that you and him are one and wants your comfort.

Sleep deprivation is worse than choosing to cosleep. Being angry and impatient with your baby due to lack of sleep can lead to unsafe behavior.

As long as you are following safe cosleeping measures, you and your baby will be just fine and you’ll have more energy to bond with your baby. You are not a bad mother for cosleeping.

 

[jakoblaj]

@angeliqueg I was like you. Before my daughter was born I had zero intention of cosleeping. I feel completely different about it now. I slept with her from the very first night because she would absolutely not sleep in her bassinet. I also didn’t do it safely those first few nights because I was given ZERO information on how to cosleep safely from any of our medical team. It wasn’t until the third night that my midwife told me about the safe sleep 7 and I’ve done a ton of research of my own since then. Now I feel that cosleeping (with the right conditions) is the best thing for both mom and baby. We are 8.5 months along now and we still cosleep for half the night and I am in no hurry at all for it to stop.

My husband still doesn’t like it and I hate that our western culture makes mothers feel like this completely natural way to exist with baby is somehow wrong…and CIO is recommended by doctors. Someone please make it make sense…

 

[iam13]

@jakoblaj I also said I wouldn’t bed share before having my son. We were able to successfully have him sleep in a bassinet until he was 3.5 months old. Then he just refused, and I was physically and mentally unable to stay awake to hold him. I was also surprised how natural it felt to bed share. I think it helped my supply to have him be able to latch more throughout the night. Luckily, my husband supported my decision to bed share, he trusted my instincts. We did this until he was 7 months old and made the difficult decision to sleep train. This is because he stopped sleeping well in bed with me and again, I physically and mentally couldn’t wake up every 45 mins. Just adding that piece of our story to show that you may not bed share forever. So cherish it while it works for you and your baby.

 

[daddysgyrl]

@jakoblaj I feel so similarly to you. It’s so frustrating that safe cosleeping isn’t presented from birth as an option. Anyone I know who does, including myself, starts it out of desperation. We began at about 3 months when her 4-5 hour stretches in the bassinet ended up being less than an hour. Even with her mere inches from the bed, the wakings were so distributive to my sleep that I felt like I was going insane.

 

[supescritter]

@angeliqueg I always planned to cosleep. It made no sense to me to do anything else. I’d carried this baby in my body for nine months, why would she want to be anywhere else but beside me or on me? Why should I get up and sit or stand with her when we could lie and cuddle and sleep? How could I expect this tiny helpless being to be instantly independent just by being born? Why the hell is this just not the default? You sound like you’re doing the best for you and your baby which makes you an amazing mother. Keep up the awesome job

 

[merekas]

@angeliqueg I’ll never understand how people see cosleeping as selfish. It’s literally all your baby wants. They’re close to you, you respond to their needs immediately, they feel safe and warm

 

[confusedbuthopeful]

@angeliqueg It’s so weird to me that people judge cosleeping as “selfish.” First of all, sleeping well is essential to basic human functioning (including parenting), just like eating well and exercising. Secondly, there is so much more involved in caring for a child than just ~keep it alive~ (which putting them alone in a crib doesn’t guarantee anyway). The physiological nature of motherbaby is to be a bonded unit. Babies have no concept of being a separate self from their mothers and need to be close to them. Cosleeping responsibly isn’t only providing your baby with physical safety, but emotional safety as well. It’s far less selfish than expecting your baby to sleep in a developmentally inappropriate environment.

 

[st24769]

@angeliqueg The guilt you have comes from societal pressure, but in reality SAFE cosleeping (like you explained) is no more indicative of something like SIDS than a baby alone in a crib. In fact, some research even suggests prevention of SIDS with cosleeping. Being close to you is exactly what your baby wants/needs, which is the opposite of selfish. You’re doing something biologically normal and is also normal in many other countries outside the US. The US is stupidly obsessed with independence to the point where we even force it onto babies who just came out of living inside mum for 9 months. There’s a lot of research and resources out there that educate on cosleeping and its benefits, I think starting to do some reading on how natural and beneficial it is would be of help to you. I really enjoy some educational insta accounts like HappyCosleeper and Cosleepy!

 

[kylievaduva123]

@angeliqueg It's okay! My baby is 7 weeks and been cosleeping mpart of the night since she was a week. It's amazing !

 

[blessedj316]

@angeliqueg If it’s any consolation, I started cosleeping around 3 months. My baby is close to 7 months now. If I have guilt about anything, it’s that I tried to make my baby sleep in the bassinet the first few months. Wish I could go back and let her sleep next to me, where she clearly wanted to be. You’re doing the right thing

 

[rachellovesjesus]

@angeliqueg The way I see it, if I had never read anything about co sleeping I would never have had any guilt to feel. I got over it pretty quickly, but it did cause issues in my previous relationship. That being said, my kids are now 5 and 6. They each have their own room with their own beds, and I have mine. We all 3 sleep together every night (I have 2 beds pushed together so everyone sleeps comfortably), and it's literally my favorite part about life right now. They love it, I love it, and everyone has their own space if they need it. I hate hearing about new mothers feeling guilt over doing what works for them and their child, but I completely understand where it comes from, especially with a partner who isn't a fan. I wish you all the best!!

 

[giveitup007]

@angeliqueg I never planned to co sleep and was always extremely against it. My daughter hit the 4 month sleep regression early at around 13 weeks and it was so tough. I did 4 weeks and pretty much hourly wakes every night, it was so tough and I was barely hanging on. Then I got covid when she was around 4 months, it didn’t take long before my partner and baby were sick. I couldn’t do it anymore and put her in bed with me. Immediately I felt so much relief and it felt so natural. After one single night co sleeping I felt like I’d just unlocked this new level of motherhood and no longer dreaded night time. After a few nights I discovered the safe sleep 7 and we very quickly purchased an extra firm mattress to put on the floor in her room. She’s now (almost) 6 months and she starts the night sleeping in her room alone and then I co sleep with her from her first wake. My partner supports my instincts and decision to co sleep wholeheartedly and actually encouraged me every time I questioned myself because of societal pressures. My favourite part is waking up to my baby girl looking into my eyes every morning whilst she chats away. She’s just started reaching out and touching my cheek when I open my eyes. Those first smiles of the day are the most amazing experience, I love being so close to her.

Mumma, you are doing amazing. You are doing what is best for you and your baby. Your anxiety and guilt is totally normal but don’t stress yourself