My baby was born at 25 weeks + 2 days he’s currently 29 weeks 6 days gestation age so 30 weeks tomorrow and I live about 40-hours always from the nicu me n my fiancé share a car n always go later at night when he’s done working to go see the baby so about 11 is the time we get there. I always call and check in on him through the day and there is also something called “AngelEye” where I can see him on a live camera in his bed… I love to see him everyday but the fact it has to be night time is so draining… that also cut my visit short because it needs to be a reasonable time that I leave so I can get home and get ready for the night day and not even because I’ll get home around 1:30/2am I’ve tried to stay the night but it gave me so much anxiety with hearing all the other babies monitors going off so I got up in the middle of the night and left but tonight I would like to kind of stay home I’m just so tired of my nights ending like this and also I’m experiencing a very painful clogged duct in one of breast… I miss and love my baby with all my heart and he’s all doing very well but I feel guilty for wanting to end my night at home and not get up and ready to leave.
@melissa43 I live 10 minutes away from the NICU if I hit all the lights right and still didnt stay past 10pm, ever. I had to sleep and pump to maintain my milk supply and at one point my husband and I were both back to work. We had to keep life going so we could be ready to bring our baby home. I dont think youre wrong at all.
@mical Yes this. We were 20 minutes away from ours and we went twice a day (morning, went home for lunch and then back for early evening). But the only time I stayed overnight was towards the end when she was learning to breastfeed. Do not feel guilty about not staying at night. Your babe needs a rested and healthy parent!
gisellemartinez1
New member
helping217
New member
@melissa43 It is okay to take a night off. You are still a good mom. Hang in there. 
@melissa43 It’s okay to take a night off. Trust me no one will judge you. Save all your energy for when your baby is more awake.
notworthconsideration
New member
@melissa43 They got your little one cared for. Give yourself permission to do what you need to take care of yourself so you're ready for the next phase. Mental health is just as important and physical health.
Change your visitation schedule to one that works for you. Whether it's taking a few nights off a week or see if the hospital has a ride share program or access to Ronald McDonald house so you can change your schedule. Is it possible to drop your spouse off and pick him up and visit during the day, maybe alternating visits day so she sees one parent every day.
Nicu is tough. Talk with the social worker as they may have some solutions or coping methods for you. At minimum, it's an ear to listen and help.
You can try some noise canceling headphones or listening to soft music to help drown out the background noises.
Change your visitation schedule to one that works for you. Whether it's taking a few nights off a week or see if the hospital has a ride share program or access to Ronald McDonald house so you can change your schedule. Is it possible to drop your spouse off and pick him up and visit during the day, maybe alternating visits day so she sees one parent every day.
Nicu is tough. Talk with the social worker as they may have some solutions or coping methods for you. At minimum, it's an ear to listen and help.
You can try some noise canceling headphones or listening to soft music to help drown out the background noises.
@melissa43 You have to take breaks and take care of your self. It’s a marathon and you have to keep juice in the tank to get through the finish.
@melissa43 Ask about Ronald McDonald house. They’re often close to hospitals with nicus.
also, if you want to stay, stay. Have him drop you off and pick you up in a day or two. Bring blankets, earplugs and noise cancelling headphones, eye mask, change of clothes, etc. everyone’s different. I prefer to stay, and yes, it was stressful and obnoxious.
also, if you want to stay, stay. Have him drop you off and pick you up in a day or two. Bring blankets, earplugs and noise cancelling headphones, eye mask, change of clothes, etc. everyone’s different. I prefer to stay, and yes, it was stressful and obnoxious.
paulmannon
New member
@melissa43 My baby was also born 25+2. We were 6 hours from the NICU, so we ended up in hospital accomodation across the road from it. We were there for about 9-12 hours a day with our baby and never stayed over night as they didn’t allow it in our NICU. When he moved pto the children’s hospital at 5 months, we had the option to sleep in his room but we didn’t want to because the bed was uncomfortable and the nurses came in every hour making noise to do obs and his feeds. There was no reasons for us to stay because he actually taught himself to sleep through the night from about 4 months due to being on continuous feeds. Plus he wasn’t a crier and still isn’t. For 10 months we never stayed over night with him because. Now we are home with him and get to spend every minute with him and have no regrets.
You need space away from the hospital because it’s very draining. You can’t be a good parent if your mental health isn’t good. The social worker always told us that. Best advice we had. We would still go on dinner dates and shopping and everything because we knew our baby was being looked after. But now that we are home, we dedicate all our time to him. We’ve been out to dinner with him twice but it’s exhausting to pack up all his things and oxygen and take his gravity feeding kit out etc. but he deserves a normal life, so we try and make it as normal as possible for him.
I have no regrets because I blamed myself everyday for not being able to provide a safe home for him to grow and I couldn’t provide him enough food to eat. I also had an extremely traumatic birth. So I needed to take care of my mental health.
You need space away from the hospital because it’s very draining. You can’t be a good parent if your mental health isn’t good. The social worker always told us that. Best advice we had. We would still go on dinner dates and shopping and everything because we knew our baby was being looked after. But now that we are home, we dedicate all our time to him. We’ve been out to dinner with him twice but it’s exhausting to pack up all his things and oxygen and take his gravity feeding kit out etc. but he deserves a normal life, so we try and make it as normal as possible for him.
I have no regrets because I blamed myself everyday for not being able to provide a safe home for him to grow and I couldn’t provide him enough food to eat. I also had an extremely traumatic birth. So I needed to take care of my mental health.
@melissa43 You’re an amazing mother. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying home and resting. Your baby knows you love him and knows you’re his mother. He is spending the vast majority of his time resting and peacefully growing right now 
you should get some too, take care of yourself.
you should get some too, take care of yourself.