Am I overreacting to my non-mom friends saying “just pump!” ?

[ckatiejo]

This is so long, but I’m seeking some clarity and advice here!
My 6 mo is exclusively breastfed. I’ll be attending a concert with some childhood friends (non-mom friends, but one is pregnant) this weekend. We are leaving for the concert at 4 pm, and they wanted to hang out prior. I thought, awesome! Y’all can come over to our place prior so that baby can nap normally and it not be a big hassle. We can spend the day together, easy peasy! But friend # 1 said no, we need to come to her house because her dog can’t be alone that long… she needs to be home to let the dog out.
Ok… so LOTS of factors play into this, but long story short, I won’t want to go to her house until around 2 pm because of baby’s nap schedule. I want to bring her with me to avoid pumping as much as possible; I was going to nurse right before leaving then pump at the concert. I want to avoid pumping more than once if possible (such a beating!!)
Friend # 2’s response was, “can’t you just leave her all day and pump like you do when you go to work?”
Am I wrong for that to have offended me????
I feel like I’m being asked to pump instead of directly feeding my baby… for your dog…
Yes of course I CAN leave her all day and just pump, it is POSSIBLE… but I feel like if that’s the route I go it should be because of my choice, not because you’re giving me no other choice. And since I feel pressured and cornered (for a DOG?) it makes me want to do it even less. I’d rather stick by my baby and feed her myself and just skip hanging out with them beforehand.
Am I in the wrong here? Am I being too petty? Like I said at the beginning, I could really use some advice here

 

[ljcalma]

@ckatiejo Her comment is likely ignorant not malicious but you have every right to be annoyed.

Whenever I get annoyed because someone doesn’t get it, I like to just imagine that someday they will have a baby and think “omg I had NO idea” and that’s enough for me

 

[joaa]

@ljcalma I've literally had friends apologize to me before for comments they made before becoming parents. My husband and I were the first to have a baby of all of our friends so no one else got it for a long time. It's funny now

 

[ecco3k]

@ljcalma I always used to think “why can’t my siblings come to family parties on time with kids!” Hahahah! Now I get it. Especially if bf

 

[bananapitt]

@ljcalma Second this, my friends are like this too. My babe is ebf too and doesn’t take a bottle so it’s even harder to leave the house without bringing her along.

My friends would suggest feeding her first before leaving, which is not a problem, but goes on to say “you need time for yourself too babe, can’t always be attached to the baby” “can’t you leave her for a few hours?” “you need to relax”. Dude! It’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I don’t want to?

 

[dhaezie]

@ljcalma Perfectly worded. I don’t think she’s trying to be hateful but you also have every right to be annoyed and she simply doesn’t get it. Just like how some people may be like”well it’s just a dog, it’ll be fine”. But since you take care of another living being you feel for the dog and you’re willing to compromise. I refused to leave my baby overnight until she was done being breastfed (11.5 months) because it just was not worth it even if I needed a good night out. Some ppl thought I was crazy for this

 

[janeann28]

@ljcalma This exactly.

 

[mario82]

@ckatiejo Nah I agree with you. But I do think that people who haven't experienced it, honestly can't understand the hassle, discomfort, insecurity, etcetera around pumping. So she probably doesn't mean anything bad by it, she just doesn't know.

(What does she do with her dog when she goes to work?)

 

[mrskatmus]

@mario82 Yep. I remember making similar suggestions to friends before becoming a mom. Makes me feel like a schmuck when I think about it now. I just didn't get it!

 

[blaise358]

@ckatiejo She doesn't understand. Try not to be offended. But she doesn't get that it's not about what you CAN or CANNOT do, that it's about what you WANT to do.

She doesn't get the pumping is a pain and that nursing is a positive desirable thing. She doesn't get that it's easier for all involved if you nurse rather than pump.

It's just her lack of understanding. Try to be kind. But also, educate her. I've had to explain before.

I remember when I took my LO on a trip when he was about a month old and my friend was said to be in a surprised tone "that's a lot of work" in regards to how much effort caring for my baby was. Lol. She really didn't understand.

 

[iamsuperb]

@ckatiejo Another perspective - maybe the non-mom group doesn’t want to go to OP’s house which will mean “pregame” time becomes “baby” time instead. I have a 6 month old and understand the need to structure life around the baby, but pre-baby making plans with friends who had a baby and would only do things with baby could feel like kind of a downer. Some activities are baby activities but non-parents sometimes don’t want to hang with other people’s kids when they are trying to let loose.

 

[his_word_is_truth]

@iamsuperb I’m a mum and also wouldn’t want a baby hanging around when I’m trying to relax and get excited for a concert. I’ve been to places where babies have been present that absolutely kill the mood. In the first year of my son’s life I missed events that I would have enjoyed, but I wanted to be with my baby more and didn’t want to pump (UK maternity leave so I never needed to pump). It wasn’t until he was about 13/14 months that I started to really appreciate some time to myself again where I could feel like the old me for a few hours, and he only wanted milk 3 times a day by that point.

 

[letmeseeyourphone]

@ckatiejo I don't necessarily think you need to be annoyed. Her dog isn't your priority, just as much as your baby isn't hers.

Just do what you gotta do to be comfortable and let it go.

This is just a season of your life and not everyone is going to understand the ins and outs.

 

[onna]

@ckatiejo I like animals but I really don't understand how people prioritize animals over a baby. I'd skip hanging out if you have to pump. You're gonna be stressed before the concert you're suppose to enjoy.

 

[eclatunlimited]

@onna You can tell these are people who don't (currently, I know one is pregnant) have children. I agree with the comment above! I think this is one of those times you have to politely bow out and let them know you'll see them at the concert!

 

[rda]

@eclatunlimited I have a dog and a 10 month old. If it's a long long time, dogs have to go to the bathroom, especially smaller ones/puppies/older dogs. So it might be reasonable to ask that.

 

[mrix]

@onna Lol I used to be like this and now that I have a baby I definitely can tell that having a dog is not like having a child, but I still have friends without kids that think they're in a similar situation as us because they have a dog. It's kinda hilarious but also annoying

You just gotta live it to believe it

 

[katrina2017]

@onna As someone who had a dog (as a single person - had to take in my elderly childhood pet after my parents passing) and now has a baby with a partner. I will say it is easier to bring my baby with me places. It’s not see easy to bring a dog somewhere and more people refuse to let you bring a dog than a baby. So it’s not so much as “prioritizing a dog over a baby” as it’s just not as easy. But OP is not in the wrong for saying I can’t do that. I think this is a situation where the friends just need to say meeting up beforehand isn’t possible let’s meet for the concert. I have concert tickets for when my baby will be 7 months. My plan is to meet my friends there as late as possible so I can feed my baby before I leave and then pump when I get home.

 

[scarletbeast]

@katrina2017 Yeah I agree with this. Why can’t the baby come with you and your husband or someone else picks them up after? Or just skip. Spoke as a person with dogs and a baby. I agree that it’s too long for a dog not to be let out.

 

[mikeysavedbygrace]

@katrina2017 Can’t friend #1 have someone else let out her dog? it’s easier to get someone to let out your dog then be separated from your baby all day. But yes I agree that I’d just meet them there if friend #1 can’t figure that out.